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Still, it is an occupational hazard of only-child parenting to think that one's child is capable of doing more, or knows more, than other kids his/her age. Once you have two, you get an awakening, especially as the second gets older. Trust me, it happened to me!
Well, my first child is what I thought (and still do, to a degree) a brilliant, talented, exceptional boy. My second doesn't match the first in academic abilities. He is doing well at school, but he is definitely not as advanced in certain things as my older one was at that age. The second has different inclinations, and excels at other things, those that older one doesn't care about. So, there is no guarantee that second will disprove the notion that first one is genius .
However, what second child taught me, is that kids can be so different, and yet you can love them both, and be so out of your mind with love. Also, older one has a very similar personality to mine, so loving him is almost egoistic in a way. The younger one is very different, and my love for him taught me more, than my love for the older one. I hope it makes sense.
I'm debating whether to have the third, so I'm definitely in the wrong thread . Also, I found it a bit silly that the author of the article decided now, when her child is still very young, that she won't have another. For a very long time I thought two were enough. Now that my kids are 14 and 8, and I started to feel that I still have resources for one more. Not sure if we will go through
I can see the positives to having only one child, but I personally have found many "only children" to be spoiled as hell.
But many people with siblings are spoiled as hell. Madonna's brother said in an interview that Madonna has always been spoiled. Madonna has 7 siblings.
Not to mention, the youngest child/sibling/baby of the family is often referred to as being spoiled.
It is obviously a personal choice how many children you want. I think if you have only 1 child you probaby have more individual time you can give to the child. It costs less to have just 1. Everyone thinks an only child is always spoiled, but they do not have to be.
To be honest, I think people are jealous/envious. Lots of people with siblings are spoiled.....and they know this. Having siblings or not does not determine that.
My psychologist was also an only child since she was born in China, right after that strict law was implemented -- One Child Policy -- she still mentioned being lonely even though she had lots of friends, classmates, and cousins. She said she didn't like it at all, but when I asked her about the only factor being weird since a lot of people still have sibling(s), she responded: "No, I never felt weird because all of my friends and classmates were only children, too." I told her that it was much easier since you usually get a more quiet home environment, more study time, and less younger kids to cook for and deal with. She even suggested that people respond differently, then pointed out: "Well, I'm sure some people may feel that way. But me, I was lonely. I wanted a sibling."
My long-term ex was also an only child -- though his parents are both the oldest of three, giving him three aunts, one uncle, and only one cousin -- and he states that he didn't enjoy that, he also still felt "really lonely". All of his friends still had at least one sibling.
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My father had 14 siblings and he says he was lonely as a child. He's also estranged from his siblings.
I'm having more than one child but whatever floats your boat. I've found only children to be quite self centered but that is my personal experience.
What about all the people with siblings who cheat on their spouses?
What about all the people with siblings who abandon their kids?
What about all the people with siblings who bully their siblings?
What about all the people with siblings who don't help take care of their parents? I know many people who complain about their self centered siblings who do not help the other sibling take care of ailing parents, but are often the first ones rushing to get their half of the money left by the deceased parents.
What about siblings who sleep with the other siblings' spouse?
What about prejudice/hate groups like skinheads and the KKK? They have siblings.
You don't call this self centered? Do you honestly believe people with siblings never do any wrong and are strictly angels?
It seems kind of unnatural to be two people, and not even have enough kids to replace yourselves in society. I also think that not having any siblings to interact with has a tendency to create a very annoying kind of person in some cases.
I can't believe the prejudice on this board. People with siblings can have a tendency to be annoying in some cases. Some people complain about annoying siblings. Not to mention, siblings who bully them.
So you think all human beings should procreate? That's kind of weird. I think annoying people hail from all kinds of backgrounds. There is no shortage of annoying, obnoxious people with siblings.
So, yeah, I get it about staying at one. But I think there are problems with only children that parents may not fully grasp:
1) Single children grow up lonelier. Having a brother or a sister gives that child a natural companion
happened if she had a sibling with whom she could share responsibilities.
The only children I know are not lonely. Neither was I. People with siblings can be lonely as well.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
2) Single children do indeed grow up more self-centered. Why? Because both parents are focused on the child at all times. The child becomes the center of the universe, so why shouldn't it agree with that. Meanwhile children with siblings learn to share, negotiate, and argue.
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This is not true. Your spouse is focused on you. Does that make a person self-centered? And if you feel you are the center of your parent's life, that does not mean you think you are the center of other people's lives. And not all siblings learn to share, negotiate and argue. Only children learn to share, negotiate and argue as well with parents, friends, and cousins. Siblings are not needed for that.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
3) Single children have a burden placed on them, namely the entire expectations of the parent.
I don't have any burdens placed on me. I'm pretty much a free spirit.
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Originally Posted by cpg35223
4) Single children, as the parents get older, have a far higher burden placed on them. I know a single child who is now fifty and she's coping with two parents both facing serious medical issues. It has taken over her life in a way that would not have happened if she had a sibling with whom she could share responsibilities.
I know many people with siblings who complain that they feel like an only child because their self-centered siblings refuse to help share the responsibility/burden of coping with parents facing serious medical issues. I've seen this on many forums on the internet as well.
Sometimes cousins and friends just aren't good enough for some only children, as I've mentioned before. Several things I've noticed about only children are that they tend to find it easier being loners -- since they did have that same position in their families -- they score well on tests, and they're very independent.
Sometimes siblings aren't good enough, either. I know lots of people with siblings who are loners.
Geez based on the people knocking only children apparently only children are all lonely, pathetic, self centered, unhappy people. Despite the number of only children actively stating this is not the case.
I already said this but it is worth stating again, I have the somewhat unique experience of both having siblings, and being an only child (only child to mother, one of six for father). I was never lonely as an only child, I have three cousins who lived less than a mile away from my mother. I also have siblings I have almost no bond with and wouldn't have helped share family responsibilities to save their own lives. That being said I will recognize the unique bond I share with my siblings, especially my brother.
So despite all the ridiculous speculation, I can honestly say, siblings or no, there really wasn't much difference, because ultimately most children want their parents attention. I suppose the proof is in the pudding as they say, having had both experiences, I chose to have ONE child myself.
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