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I will be very honest as I try to be on every post I choose to respond too….
I had a hard time with this when I was younger ( Teens) …
Now that I AM older (38)? Not so much…My father is 67, a viet vet, hard as nails, relentless, has low testosterone and gets uber cranky towards the end of the month right before he is scheduled for his “injections”.
My mother is 63, a little OCD (Neat freak) there is only way to skin a cat in her book. She forgets a lot of things , not due to early dementia ( she is on a lot of meds) for her thyrpid condition, and pain…( back) she complains and is prone to repeat herself often then forgets her rules and goes on a tirade…
Am I sick of it? No.. Do I get frustrated? Yes, any normal person would be HOWEVER I realize that these “good people” raised me and I love them for the continued love and support since I was not always the dutiful daughter I should have been.
I explain to my son everyday ( Since dad picks him up from school as well as my other nephew, paying for one nephew to go to the police academy and they take care of my 4 year old niece when they should be enjoying their golden years) that he should be lucky to have grandparents whom do this and are so active in his life even though it is ridiculous at times.
I remind him that his grandparents are one of kind and have done so much for our family that we need to show them RESPECT.
I get upset than I remind myself that I am a parent and sometimes I want to tear my hair out as a parent and that they are human as well.
I remind myself that they lived in a different ERA and this is not my era and what I am doing with my child and my life is foreign to them and to remind myself to respect this,
It does not mean that they are right or I am wrong it just means that we are divided by generations..
I pick and choose my battles, and let them state their opinion however choose whatever path I CHOOSE..
I do not want to pick my eyes out, why?
I hate to get mushy but my parents are my adoptive parents..I always remind myself that they chose to be parents, and to us ( My twin sister and I ) and for the most part? They are two of the most influential people I have in my life!
And for this reason? I will give them the respect they deserve,…period..
I agree.These last couple of generations have been turned against the parents by Hollyhoods movies and tv's anti-family celebrities.
But then this is the society we left them,so gues we're all to blame. No parent is perfect nor is any child.But most parents don't deserve the treatment they get now.
Kids are put in nurseries for strangers to raise ands parents in homes to die alone.
I agree.These last couple of generations have been turned against the parents by Hollyhoods movies and tv's anti-family celebrities.
But then this is the society we left them,so gues we're all to blame. No parent is perfect nor is any child.But most parents don't deserve the treatment they get now.
Kids are put in nurseries for strangers to raise ands parents in homes to die alone.
Well written, and so true. I have to agree. I get a bit heart sick reading some of the comments people are willing to write about the very people that raised them and all that entails. Hopefully the OP has resolved some of their issues. I did my fair share of griping about my Mom...I would cut off my right arm today to be able to hold her and tell her how sorry I am, and how I wish I had more time with her.
Last edited by JanND; 01-14-2013 at 03:44 PM..
Reason: spelling
Don't forget that abused children grow up, and some posting here may fall into that category.
When I needed my mother most, she told me point blank that she had to worry about herself. I'm not particularly receptive to others telling me that I should feel a certain way.
Well written, and so true. I have to agree. I get a bit heart sick reading some of the comments people are willing to write about the very people that raised them and all that entails. Hopefully the OP has resolved some of their issues. I did my fair share of griping about my Mom...I would cut off my right arm today to be able to hold her and tell her how sorry I am, and how I wish I had more time with her.
Well the title of the thread would draw those who did have difficult parental relationships. I was very lucky and got about the best kind of parents one could want. Really except for those high school years when you think you got the strictest, most old-fashioned parents, I couldn't complain.
I think overall I have an excellent relationship with my parents. With that said, of course there are things they do that grate on my nerves. Especially as my mother grows older and now has serious health and mental conditions, it can be very, very difficult not to get frustrated. I can cope better with her than most people (including my father and all of my siblings) because I make a purposeful effort not to take things personally.
With that said, I think I learned at a very young age that my parents' needs were more important than my own. I don't mean big needs like food or love or medical care. I mean the very small things. For example, if my mother is cold, the heat in the house will be jacked up to 85 degrees in the middle of summer. If I'm trying to cook, she wants to turn the kitchen fan on (for some reason the white noise is physically painful to me...like a person running their nails down a chalkboard.) If I'm reading a book or magazine and walk away for one second, she MUST close it and lose my place (and if I have a glass and walk away, it will be dumped out immediately.) And on and on. Just tiny little things.
Thing is, I'm been absorbing and brushing off these annoyances since I was young because I've always had the mindset that she won't be around forever, so I shouldn't make a fuss over the small stuff. It's only now that I realize I won't be around forever either. I count too. And maybe if I had drawn boundaries younger, it would be easier today as she declines.
I had a bizarre time growing up with a very OCD, controlling, emotionally unstable mom and a dad who would sit back hiding under a rock in order to avoid her rages. Of course that left my brother and I in the middle of the tornado.
Any-hoo, as an adult I've learned that I have to shield my daughter from her critical, unstable nature. This involves supervision during visits. The one thing that makes me want to stick a fork in my eye is the way she phrases everything as an accusation instead of a question.
Instead of "What sorts of foods should I give your daughter", it's "Just how much junkfood are you stuffing her full of anyway?" (accusing me of feeding her junkfood, why is that the default?)
Instead of "I see you ordered wine with dinner, I didn't know you enjoyed wine" its "You ordered wine, your not drinking all the time and sleeping in dumpsters covered in vomit are you?" (why is THAT the default?)
She's also VERY "me me me" oriented.
When I had a miscarriage, instead of comforting me the conversation turned into her asking "Why are you upset" and then a discussion of how she once prayed for a miscarriage. ???????
I agree.These last couple of generations have been turned against the parents by Hollyhoods movies and tv's anti-family celebrities.
But then this is the society we left them,so gues we're all to blame. No parent is perfect nor is any child.But most parents don't deserve the treatment they get now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
I get a bit heart sick reading some of the comments people are willing to write about the very people that raised them and all that entails.
Some people did not grow up in unicorn and rainbow families. If that was their reality dismissive, disparaging remarks are insulting.
funny how a few decades of life as an adult can bring a bit more compassion and understanding of our "incompetent" parents. I certainly did not have a good childhood and resented my parents in many ways but when the time came for me to be there when my widowed and ill mother needed me I was there. Now I am a senior and I try not to intrude in my grown kids' lives and I bite my tongue a great deal but I can certainly identify with my parents when they were where I am now.
. I get a bit heart sick reading some of the comments people are willing to write about the very people that raised them and all that entails.
I appreciate reading them. I won the parental lottery and had a tremendously happy childhood. Reading about the people who didn't get that makes me even more thankful for all that I had. It also helps me understand the pain some people carry with them through life.
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