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I disagree that I hijacked a thread. The OP was being hammered for creating the problem. The problem with my son's eating has been the most stressful thing we have dealt with and my friends that have the same issue agree. Sharing my opinion and disagreeing with the judgement was meant to support, not hijack. It is incredibly stressful and it's very difficult to 'let it go'. But not letting it go definitely makes it worse. OP - sorry if you felt I stole your thread!
Based on what I have read of this thread so far, it sounds like your son's food intolerance may be a big part of the problem. I am thinking your son probably ate something that upset his stomach and finally was old enough to make the connection that he ate something, and it made him feel bad. In these cases you cannot just say you eat what I serve or you get nothing. You have to respect some differences here. I have a child with a food allergy and a child who won't eat or drink certain things because she finally told me they give her stomach aches. That's fine. I don't give her those things.
We also have dealt with picky eater problems that have nothing to do with food allergies or intolerances. With our middle child, my dh tried the philosophy others boast here of "you eat what we serve or you get nothing." She would choose nothing, and then at bedtime she would cry because she was hungry, and she had trouble falling asleep. She never tried new food when my dh did this. Therefore, I instead tried the method of asking her just to take a bite or two. I also spent a good bit of time telling her how important certain foods were for her body. This really expanded her eating, and she is a very healthy eater now.
My youngest has been my toughest customer, and like the OP, she has gone through stages when she just wants to eat the same things. She seems to almost crave certain things at times, which suggests to me she needs them at that stage in her development. I don't mean sweets. She went through a phase where she really wanted bananas. For a long time, she also wanted peanut butter once or twice a day. She won't eat most meat, fish, poultry, or eggs, but she also doesn't like chocolate candy and some other desserts. However, she loves a number of fruits and vegetables, so if she eats broccoli while everyone else eats meat, I don't worry too much.
In the end, I have noticed that my kids generally have a healthier diet than most of their friends. So it all can work out even if it doesn't look like it will when they are two years old.
my dh tried the philosophy others boast here of "you eat what we serve or you get nothing." She would choose nothing, and then at bedtime she would cry because she was hungry, and she had trouble falling asleep.
Out of curiosity, what was done when she cried because she was hungry ???
Based on what I have read of this thread so far, it sounds like your son's food intolerance may be a big part of the problem. I am thinking your son probably ate something that upset his stomach and finally was old enough to make the connection that he ate something, and it made him feel bad. In these cases you cannot just say you eat what I serve or you get nothing. You have to respect some differences here. I have a child with a food allergy and a child who won't eat or drink certain things because she finally told me they give her stomach aches. That's fine. I don't give her those things.
If the child never eats A POTATO that is hardly a crisis. But if the total set of things he "will" eat is 3, then that is a Big Problem. No one is suggesting that anyone MAKE him eat something that makes him sick!
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We also have dealt with picky eater problems that have nothing to do with food allergies or intolerances. With our middle child, my dh tried the philosophy others boast here of "you eat what we serve or you get nothing." She would choose nothing, and then at bedtime she would cry because she was hungry, and she had trouble falling asleep.
OP don't get confused. Many of us are not suggesting that your child MUST eat EVERYTHING that they are served. Most of us, when we present a meal, present several items. On the dinner menu for tonight is thai style (not spicy) pork stew, bread, cheese and orange slices. That is 4 things from which they can choose so that they don't go hungry. If the child decides never to like thai style pork stew, who cares? (And by the way, I would not introduce mixed food like this until a little later if you are starting from a position of pickiness. Things are easier to accept when they are plainish.) They have been able to eat bread and orange slices. At 2 there is nothing wrong with that. Trust me when I tell you that when the child hits 12, you will not be able to keep the Thai style pork stew out of him!
As to the boo hoo hoo I am so hungry I can't sleep, I call power struggle. Her tummy is gurgling, no doubt. But one missed meal never hurt anyone. To handle that you sympathetically tell them that the tummy grumbles are a drag, you get that. Won't you be psyched to get to the breakfast table! Sweet dreams now. Bye. Personally I would start the transition at breakfast time and make sure to serve a likely candidate at dinner during the acceptance transition phase.
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She never tried new food when my dh did this.
OP the goal is not, or at least should not be, getting the child to eat everything that they are served. By trying to MAKE them eat food, you are trading one power struggle, won't eat anything, for another, must eat everything. That is no good! The goal is a healthy mental relationship with food.
Food is sustenance. Food is simple. Constant attention to it only creates complexes.
Here's a funny story about my one son that is a great eater. My wife was out and we had very little time to eat so I made vege burgers I originally bought for myself, since my wife doesn't like them. Anyway, we all ate the veggie burgers and my son says (after he ate the whole thing) , "Dad, can we never eat this again?" I said, "Sure, but thanks for trying it." It still cracks me up.
If the child never eats A POTATO that is hardly a crisis. But if the total set of things he "will" eat is 3, then that is a Big Problem. No one is suggesting that anyone MAKE him eat something that makes him sick!
The OP also said her son was lactose intolerant, so it is not just potatoes. Regardless, I was saying that his initial problem likely stemmed from the fact that he ate some things that made him feel sick. In order to overcome this problem, I think it is important to understand that the boy likely was not just being stubborn--He actually had some tummy problems. It also is an important consideration when picking foods to try to expand his diet.
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Originally Posted by somebodynew
OP don't get confused. Many of us are not suggesting that your child MUST eat EVERYTHING that they are served....
As to the boo hoo hoo I am so hungry I can't sleep, I call power struggle. Her tummy is gurgling, no doubt. But one missed meal never hurt anyone. To handle that you sympathetically tell them that the tummy grumbles are a drag, you get that....
OP the goal is not, or at least should not be, getting the child to eat everything that they are served. By trying to MAKE them eat food, you are trading one power struggle, won't eat anything, for another, must eat everything. That is no good! The goal is a healthy mental relationship with food.
Food is sustenance. Food is simple. Constant attention to it only creates complexes.
I am not the OP. I never said that my daughter had to eat everything served. My husband was trying to get her to eat SOME dinner with us. We never tried to get her to eat everything. Like the OP's son, our daughter was generally not wanting to eat the dinner served and wanted her own meal.
Secondly, my daughter really was not sleeping because she was hungry. We are thin and I know there are times, particularly when I was younger, when I was hungry enough to be quite uncomfortable!
My dh told her she was growing up and needed to eat the dinner served, and she would not get special service. She still would not eat the dinner served. She would cry at bedtime when hunger really kicked in, and when she felt bad for herself. My husband would offer to reheat leftovers. She would say she doesn't like whatever the dinner was. My dh would say sorry, but that is the deal. She would cry more. Her siblings would complain she is keeping them awake. They all got less sleep. They all were tired the next day.
Then it was repeat, repeat until my daughter then started waking up in the middle of the night hungry. This disturbed everyone's sleep. Despite this hunger, she still did not expand her food horizons at all. My husband made ZERO progress on trying to get her to eat other foods using this method that other people on this thread have recommended. (the "show 'em who is in charge" posts).
Luckily my dh is an open-minded parent. He realized his method was not working. He let me take over, and I asked her to take a bite or two of dinner and then I would give her something else if need be. I also talked a lot about nutrition and how certain foods would help her eyesight or her bones or whatever. This did work. Five years later, our middle daughter is a great eater.
The same methods do not work for all kids because all kids are different. I think the OP would benefit from talking about how foods will make her son strong like a superhero or whatever. She also may benefit from trying to just get him to take a bite like it is an adventure. If you can appeal to a child's sense of fun somehow, this may help.
Then it was repeat, repeat until my daughter then started waking up in the middle of the night hungry. This disturbed everyone's sleep. Despite this hunger, she still did not expand her food horizons at all. My husband made ZERO progress on trying to get her to eat other foods using this method that other people on this thread have recommended. (the "show 'em who is in charge" posts).
You were enmeshed in a massive power battle. You will note I am not one of the show 'em who is in charge posters.
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