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My 13 yo daughter had her bf break up with her. To me it didnt make a difference, but the problem i have is how he broke up with her. he decided to break up with her via facebook, is this more normal these days, or should he still have done it in person?
most of the girls in school think he is a real jerk for doing it on facebook. I am not sure and would like to ask some of the mothers on the board.
Just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure most of the mothers here will wonder about the parental wisdom of allowing 13 year olds to date. Here's a prime example of why this is not a good idea.
Using FB to breakup with anybody is lousy, but 13 year olds aren't exactly mature enough to sit down and have a discussion about why relationships don't work. He isn't a jerk, he's a kid.
I would explain that people are not born knowing how to do things - knowing the best or right way to do things. They need to learn these things and age 13 is certainly a time to learn about relationships!
And that the boy has not learned these things are best done in person. It would be a good thing if she talked to the boy and expressed her feelings about how he broke up with her - teach him about these things. (Optional of course.)
And on her part learning that some people are that way. To use this as a lesson that some people can not always come out and tell you what they are feeling. Be sensitive to other people's feelings in the future. Maybe give them a little help by asking them how they feel about this or that.
Also a good time to be a "leader" and not a "do what everybody else does" person. Teach her that "If you don't have anything good to says about another person, then don't say anything at all". Take the higher ground!
The above is difficult to do - it is quite easy to go around badmouthing the boy...
This is the reason I discouraged my daughter having a bf at such a young age. They just aren't emotionally ready for a relationship. Not sure if it's more normal or not. I didn't even allow my daughter to have a FB account until she turned 16 just because of the immaturity of kids. Yes, it was lousy of the boy to break up via FB, but he's just a child! Kids this age s/b doing nothing more than group activites.
Last edited by kahncss; 01-18-2013 at 02:10 PM..
Reason: spelling
Just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure most of the mothers here will wonder about the parental wisdom of allowing 13 year olds to date. Here's a prime example of why this is not a good idea.
Using FB to breakup with anybody is lousy, but 13 year olds aren't exactly mature enough to sit down and have a discussion about why relationships don't work. He isn't a jerk, he's a kid.
I echo every part of this. Makes me sad that she's 13.
Just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure most of the mothers here will wonder about the parental wisdom of allowing 13 year olds to date. Here's a prime example of why this is not a good idea.
Using FB to breakup with anybody is lousy, but 13 year olds aren't exactly mature enough to sit down and have a discussion about why relationships don't work. He isn't a jerk, he's a kid.
I agree....let them be children for awhile!
Kids grow up way too quickly these days, and the next thing you know, you have a pregnant 14 year old.
My 13 yo daughter had her bf break up with her. To me it didnt make a difference, but the problem i have is how he broke up with her. he decided to break up with her via facebook, is this more normal these days, or should he still have done it in person?
most of the girls in school think he is a real jerk for doing it on facebook. I am not sure and would like to ask some of the mothers on the board.
Agree that 13yo is too young to date, and breaking up on facebook just proves the point.
If her daughter is anything like my 14-year-old and her friends, "having a boyfriend" and "dating" mean that the two have announced to each other that they're "together," but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. My daughter was "together" with a boy for a month last Fall. After much negotiation and communication via friends, they were a couple. My husband and I had already told her she couldn't go on a date with anyone til she's 16, so being together consisted of them walking to classes together and some texting after school. After about 4 weeks he finally worked up the courage to hold her hand, but she'd already decided she didn't want to "be with him" anymore. She broke up with him in person as they were waiting for the bus. While I'm trying to say is that dating at 13 isn't necessarily the same thing as dating at 20.
And yes, the boy was rude for breaking up on Facebook. I hope he at least did it privately and not where everyone could see it. I do think lots of breakups happen via texting these days, which is equally insensitive.
I think we need to define dating here...my daughter's young friends who say they have boyfriends mean that they have a boy they hold hands with sometimes at school when the teacher's not looking, and talk to sometimes on the phone. They're not going on dates alone and they're generally not intimate with the boyfriend. It seems like more of a practice relationship than something real. I don't think it's irresponsible for a mom to let her 13 year old have that kind of boyfriend.
I don't think breaking up on Facebook is a nice thing for anyone to do, but you also can't expect a 13 year old boy to have any kind of sensitivity or tactfulness.
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