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A person with a healthy attitude toward sex is not exempt from feeling humiliated/invaded/powerless if raped. Rape predates religion. And humiliating/invading/overpowering someone to show dominance does as well.
Next to nothing predates religion.
No. You have misunderstood what I am saying. A person who has a healthy attitude about sex would not conceive of raping.
A person who has a healthy attitude about themselves and others would not conceive of raping.
It's not about sex. That's the point.
And I am saying that that point is incorrect. It is certainly not primarily about sexual gratification in any normal sense. But it is clearly different than say a beating.
I think this puts the cart before the horse. If we teach our children about healthy sexual relationships, they are never going to have to doubt what rape is.
Teaching children about healthy sexual relationships should include teaching children about boundaries, rape, coercion, & making sure to obtain consent for any & every intimate act, etc. They should be taught about the difference between physical cues for consent (which can be easily confused) & that verbal confirmation of consent is necessary.
Also,
You may teach your child to have healthy sexual boundaries, but if you don't teach them how to recognize the various forms of sexual abuse, victim blaming, or bystander response they may still some day find themselves part of the problem.
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 03-25-2013 at 11:55 AM..
I think this is not quite right. Knowing what rape is is the bare minimum and not the goal IMO. The goal should be teaching our children what emotionally and physically healthy sexual relationships are.
If you go over to the relationship group, you will see examples of what I consider massively unhealthy, sick and twisted attitudes about sex. Men who think that sex is something that women owe and hold as some kind of reward or punishment, who don't see women as PEOPLE in their own right. Sex as a transaction, buy cow, get regular access. With this attitude, if it is not given, if they cannot buy a cow, then they have the right to take the milk. Because this is something that they are owed.
Our culture buys into this attitude. You see women using their sexuality as a currency a leverage.
In my opinion, it is these root attitudes which makes rape culture possible. What we wind up with is some sick F'ers. A person who sees a woman as a person, sexuality a mutually beneficial act between people is never going to rape. AFAIC someone who would WANT non-consensual sex has been raised with some seriously flawed attitudes about sexuality and women to the point of being sick in the head.
I did not focus on it since this thread is specifically about rape, but if you read all my posts I do mention sex education, we must teach kids in depth about what sex is, and also when it becomes rape. I do believe you must also specifically teach them what rape is, or there is a chance of fuzzy boundaries. They need to be educated to never cross those boundaries, and to always report it if they see someone else acting inappropriately. A lot of parents are not talking to their kids about sex, OR rape, that is a problem.
Parents who are raising their boys to respect women, listen to them, and respect their wishes when it comes to any activity, and raising their girls to respect themselves, to only spend time with boys who clearly respect them back, and to never let a boy, no matter how cute or popular he is mistreat them, or push them into anything, sexual or otherwise that they are uncomfortable with, these parents are on a good path with raising kids who aren't rapists, or easy victims. These kids are also likely to have healthy, respectful, sexual relationships when the time is right. I don't see how you can teach what rape is if you don't first teach what sex is.
Parents who care enough, and are brave enough to think about, and have these conversations with their boys and their girls are a big part of the solution. We may not have all the perfect answers, and know exactly what to say, but our children are going to know that it's important to think about the feelings of others, and consider if our actions are appropriate when we interact with them. A child who has been taught all his life that other people's feelings matter as much as his own is much more likely to be the one who stands guard, and protects a girl who drank too much, or was drugged, or takes her home to safety rather than laughs, and videotapes while he, or others rape her.
Those boys were very typical rapists in that they were enjoying humiliating her, and having power over her, that's what rapists do. Not to mention she was barely, and at times it seems totally unconscious, she could have died from whatever she consumed, and their only thought was to rape, and make fun of her instead of take her to a hospital. I don't feel sorry for criminals who get caught and are punished, they chose to do this.
This is an earlier post, during this conversation we have discussed that rape is not about an "out of control" sex drive, rape is taking power over someone, only caring about what you want, and not caring about how your actions might hurt someone else. We must teach our children empathy in sex and everything else, to care about how others feel. Rape, and other violent acts have been clearly linked to a lacking in empathy, and taking, or doing whatever you want even if it causes someone else pain.
Boys can be raped by girls & girls can be raped by girls, too. That is also important for them to learn. How many teens have experienced sexual abuse & blamed themselves for it because they didn't think it counted?
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