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From what OP has said, her parents gave in to her her entire childhood; why would they change? I'm just shocked that she had the energy and desire to go out partying with the girls the day after giving birth. And what was the point of telling her son that? Another hurtful comment, IMO. The unspoken message was the pregnancy was an inconvenience and obstacle to her partying.
I guess there's always a 50-50 that someone in her family could wake up and say oh it has hit the fan, time for you to grow up. But given that they didn't, they had to have raise that boy the first few years, not the OP's wife.
Personally I can't wrap my head around it. Most mothers I've known, including me, was on a high after the baby was born, just gushing, pledging the world to the baby, just constantly hovering the baby. Even the ones that eventually turn out to be such bad mothers (giving their child[ren] unsafe environment, bad influence/parenting, having the gov't take their babies away et. c) didn't have their girl's night out til way later. The ones that weren't on a high didn't go out immediately and have a "girls night out". OP's wife takes the cake on that one.
The OP made it very clear that she's extremely flaky and shallow. And her comment, its just par for the course. OP should've said/done something immediately, but he never does. Also par for the course. Thankfully the boy has his therapy paid up. Now we're learning that the wife is a binger. More problems yet to be unresolved because she's not ready to face her problems and the OP isn't doing what needs to be done.
F And what was the point of telling her son that? Another hurtful comment, IMO. The unspoken message was the pregnancy was an inconvenience and obstacle to her partying.
He was pretty torn up about that but tried to hide it.
I don't blame him for being hurt by it. Your wife was probably trying to impress everyone by relating how she was so "cool" she went out partying the day after he was born. Seems she doesn't think before she opens her mouth, especially when drinking. Hope she doesn't have any more revelations like that.....your poor son has enough to deal with as it is.
I guess there's always a 50-50 that someone in her family could wake up and say oh it has hit the fan, time for you to grow up. But given that they didn't, they had to have raise that boy the first few years, not the OP's wife.
Personally I can't wrap my head around it. Most mothers I've known, including me, was on a high after the baby was born, just gushing, pledging the world to the baby, just constantly hovering the baby. Even the ones that eventually turn out to be such bad mothers (giving their child[ren] unsafe environment, bad influence/parenting, having the gov't take their babies away et. c) didn't have their girl's night out til way later. The ones that weren't on a high didn't go out immediately and have a "girls night out". OP's wife takes the cake on that one.
The OP made it very clear that she's extremely flaky and shallow. And her comment, its just par for the course. OP should've said/done something immediately, but he never does. Also par for the course. Thankfully the boy has his therapy paid up. Now we're learning that the wife is a binger. More problems yet to be unresolved because she's not ready to face her problems and the OP isn't doing what needs to be done.
Among my friends and relatives most new mom's didn't have a "girl's night out" or even meet her friends for lunch (even leaving the baby with it's father) until months after the baby was born. In fact, in my group, it was hard to convince most of the new moms to even have a date night with their husband (leaving the baby with grandparents or a babysitter) until the new baby was several months old.
Leaving a newborn with grandma to party with friends would never, ever, ever have been something that anyone I know would have considered doing (and I do know a few teenage mothers). Irish, I hope that you realize how truly unusual that behavior was. And to tell that to your child? Absolutely inappropriate and cruel.
So last night, my son went on his date night with his useless girlfriend. It was my wife and I on the couch just hanging out and watching some TV until the kids came out and she hung out with them. I didn’t want to wait to talk to her. I figured, in a casual setting like this( I made sure she was in a good mood), I would ask her an intriguing question that I saw on here: Where do you see your son in 6 months? A year? I asked her this and I got back an “ I don’t know, why worry tonight? I’m sure he’ll think of something.” I told her that, in a year, if nothing changes, he’ll be sleeping until 5 in his bed only with his girlfriend all moved in.
She said I was “ being goofy”.
I told her that I wanted to go get counseling for the family because I feel as though she doesn’t respect me. Somehow, this turned into a “ you’re too hard on him. He needs to be comforted( her way of saying pampered) and loved. When was the last time you hugged him or told him you loved him?” talk. My dad hardly did either but I knew he loved me because he listened, guided, and helped me whenever I needed it. I know she loves this kid and tells him often and hugs him but I’m not her and I love him as well. After her statement, she agreed to go in order to appease me. She said that he was “ a bit spoiled and lazy, but kids deserve a little spoiling. I was spoiled as a kid ( indeed she was)”. That was the end of the talk. I guess I should be happy she's going, but something tells me she'll ignore the doctor and do what she's always done.
I think you say it all in the first sentence. When you want her to change, change your attitude,
you're supposed to be the parent..
she didn't go to counseling( slept in). talked to the therapist about her rant and he feels that she holds a kind of anger at both herself and my son( the partying that was somewhat halted by him i.e. drinking)
OP, what does she give you? What do you love her for?
This is a good question that the OP needs to answer in the present tense and not through the rose colored glasses of his past. He needs to quit dwelling on the past and how his wife used to be and really open his eyes to what she has become.
This is a good question that the OP needs to answer in the present tense and not through the rose colored glasses of his past. He needs to quit dwelling on the past and how his wife used to be and really open his eyes to what she has become.
I know I look into the past but that's because a lot of the ( bad) characteristics of her teen years are still with her at 36 and seeing those bad characteristics makes me think of the good characteristics
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