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He does not really need to condone their communication or try to prevent it either. Every teen I know has Smartphones, E-mail, Skype, Facebook, Whats-App..... The will communicate on their own. Being a teen is about breaking away. Being a parent of a teen is about letting go.
Oh please, you're not telling me anything that I don't already know. This isn't about letting him go. It's about not inflicting your own parenting beliefs onto to someone else. The boy's parents know what they're up to and haven't done their duty by telling him not to contact her. I know that wouldn't have stopped him, but now that they know it's going on, they share the blame for whatever happens. If he hadn't have told them, then the kids would be the only ones. The kids are asking for trouble, and his parents need to take responsibility for it, too.
In a world where people hate being told how to raise their kids by others, the same people will ignore the wishes of other parents.
I am very big on parents' rights vis-à-vis government entities, but that's all. Parents cannot expect the rest of the world to help them raise their children according to their own specifications.
Oh please, you're not telling me anything that I don't already know. This isn't about letting him go. It's about not inflicting your own parenting beliefs onto to someone else. The boy's parents know what they're up to and haven't done their duty by telling him not to contact her.
Actually, it is. Her parents have forbidden her to date. You tell your son he can't. After that, it's up to him to either respect it or risk trouble for her.
Oh by the way, just because she may "e-mail him first' doesn't make it her fault. They had to both establish those e-mail accounts before that first message is sent. He's just as much at fault as she is. And his parents for knowing about this and not following thru with it. The kid wasn't very bright. He should have kept his mouth shut and not told his parents.
I am very big on parents' rights vis-à-vis government entities, but that's all. Parents cannot expect the rest of the world to help them raise their children according to their own specifications.
But they have every right to expect others not to but in or facilitate their kid's "sneaky" behavior.
Actually, it is. Her parents have forbidden her to date. You tell your son he can't. After that, it's up to him to either respect it or risk trouble for her.
If she doesn't mind risking trouble, that's her choice. Her parents have no right to expect everyone else in society to be their enforcement device.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steelstress
But they have every right to expect others not to but in or facilitate their kid's "sneaky" behavior.
This is not butting in (on the OP's part), it's staying out.
If the girl doesn't respect her own parents enough to follow their rules, that is their problem. I may forbid my kid to read comic books or drink Coke or do anything else, but I can't get upset at the guy at 7-11 if he sells my kid a comic book.
If she doesn't mind risking trouble, that's her choice. Her parents have no right to expect everyone else in society to be their enforcement device.
This is not butting in (on the OP's part), it's staying out.
If the girl doesn't respect her own parents enough to follow their rules, that is their problem. I may forbid my kid to read comic books or drink Coke or do anything else, but I can't get upset if the guy at 7-11 sells my kid a comic book.
Ugh.. you don't seem to understand what I'm saying. Why is that? I didn't say the OP was butting in. But they're certainly facilitating the behavior. Not much of a difference.
Yes, it is her choice, and it's his to choose to either help her get in trouble and make things worse or not. I wonder if the OP pointed that out to him?
And right, you don't get upset with the guy at 7-11... if you have enough sense, you get upset with your kids. Howcome you don't know that?
So, when the parents find out and come back to take to his parents, his parents have no choice but to share the blame along with their son.
His parents have the obligation to not actively facilitate the situation, such as allowing her at their house to visit, and telling him not to communicate with her. What does is his problem and his responsibility to accept any consequences that may result from this. And his parents should tell him that.
Well the OP is older and wiser than her son, has more life experience, and is able to see the potential repercussions of his actions. She can't control how the girl's parents are going to respond when they find out, but the long-term consequences for him could be far-reaching.
They are teenagers. This is to be expected. They will test boundaries. There also comes an age when you truly can't dictate feelings, if you try, they push back and resent. It isn't worth it. Let your kids grow up and teach them to be responsible.
It was never stated, I don't believe, but what is the age of the girl?
An obligation derived from what? From the law? There is no relevant one. From a sense of respect? If they don't feel one, they don't feel one. I probably wouldn't either, as I regard such parents as basically trash.
they have an obligation to tell their son not to ignore her parents' rules. It's akin to asking your neighbor to keep your dog off their grass. Just because you don't believe in leashing your dog, doesn't mean it's ok to let him poop next door.
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But they have every right to expect others not to but in or facilitate their kid's "sneaky" behavior.