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I don't think anyone has said the kid would have zero input on how his time is spent. All I see is parents acknowledging that there would be some expectations of their teen, whether it is chores around the house, a part time job, volunteering, or summer school. No one said they would plan their teen's schedule from dawn to dusk so they'd have no free time, and no say in what they were expected to do. I don't know where a couple of you are getting this "controlling" and "micromanaging" thing. I don't see it.
If your teen made the decision to sleep until noon, and spend the rest of the day playing video games or making out with their girl friend or boyfriend while you were gone at work, would that be acceptable to you?
Its their free time, they can spend it how they like. All I would expect is for them to continue with the things that are expected of them normally like helping with the housework. Not all teenagers make bad decisions when left to their own devices and they would soon realise that they don't have money to do anything fun if they don't get a part time job or do odd jobs like babysitting and cutting the grass for neighbours.
It just seems like controlling to me because the parents are having much much more of an input in their teens' summers than from my own experience. Its controlling comparatively speaking.
Its their free time, they can spend it how they like. All I would expect is for them to continue with the things that are expected of them normally like helping with the housework. Not all teenagers make bad decisions when left to their own devices and they would soon realise that they don't have money to do anything fun if they don't get a part time job or do odd jobs like babysitting and cutting the grass for neighbours.
It just seems like controlling to me because the parents are having much much more of an input in their teens' summers than from my own experience. Its controlling comparatively speaking.
Maybe more parents were home during the day and had more "control" over their teen's day to day summer activities. If I were going to be home all day every day during the summer, and would have the option of knowing when my kids were leaving the house, or what they were doing on the internet, I might not feel the need to come up with some scheduled activities for them.
My oldest is only 9, but I'm already a little worried about this. My parents were teachers. We spent our summers on road trips or swimming at my grand parents'. They wouldn't have wanted me to have a job that would have kept me from that. I am not a teacher, and will be gone from the house 10 hours/day. That is a lot of unstructured time. (right now they are young enough for day camp. I'm talking about middle school when they won't be).
Maybe more parents were home during the day and had more "control" over their teen's day to day summer activities. If I were going to be home all day every day during the summer, and would have the option of knowing when my kids were leaving the house, or what they were doing on the internet, I might not feel the need to come up with some scheduled activities for them.
My oldest is only 9, but I'm already a little worried about this. My parents were teachers. We spent our summers on road trips or swimming at my grand parents'. They wouldn't have wanted me to have a job that would have kept me from that. I am not a teacher, and will be gone from the house 10 hours/day. That is a lot of unstructured time. (right now they are young enough for day camp. I'm talking about middle school when they won't be).
Whats the problem with unstructured time? (I am asking this seriously because I just don't know, my parents were never keen on too much structured time or routine so its a bit of an alien concept to me but I suppose when I think about it maybe too much unstructured time is the reason my brother finds structure and routine hard these days, but then again it didn't have the same effect on me)
Whats the problem with unstructured time? (I am asking this seriously because I just don't know, my parents were never keen on too much structured time or routine so its a bit of an alien concept to me but I suppose when I think about it maybe too much unstructured time is the reason my brother finds structure and routine hard these days, but then again it didn't have the same effect on me)
10 hours/day, 5 days/week, for 8-10 weeks in a row is a lot of time. I just don't see why you wouldn't want to make some of it productive or educational. Even the best kids will make poor decisions from time to time. I don't see anything wrong with a half day camp for a couple weeks, or a few hours of odd jobs each week is a bad thing. But I don't know what the norm is. Like I said, my parents were home, and we spent family time during the summer.
I'd consider CIT "work" as well. However, it's probably too late (this year) for this kid.
I have to say I think it's funny you talk about wanting your kids to work, but you don't want to be inconvenienced by having to transport them. My daughters worked at the local rec center and city pool when they were teens; until they drove themselves (and paid for the gas which was minimal since we're talking about ~ 2 miles of commute) they rode their bikes. The trip home was uphill, all the way, and it's a pretty steep hill.
It all depends on where you live. Biking for my kids wouldn't be an option. I really wish it were, believe me. When I was young my parents never had to transport me anywhere, since I lived in a place with ample public transportation. And when I was a CIT there was a camp bus to pick me up. Sadly, where I live none of those conveniences exist.
Whats the problem with unstructured time? (I am asking this seriously because I just don't know, my parents were never keen on too much structured time or routine so its a bit of an alien concept to me but I suppose when I think about it maybe too much unstructured time is the reason my brother finds structure and routine hard these days, but then again it didn't have the same effect on me)
I too think unstructured time is valuable for young people, absolutely. It's critical for them to learn to fill their own time with what interests them. But these days there is so much passive entertainment around that some teenagers--not all, but some--really WOULD sit around all day playing video games or chatting online or watching tv or otherwise staring at a screen if there's no one around and no way for them to get anywhere.
It's all about balance. My 14 y.o. will be spending four weeks as a CIT, and the rest of the summer with generally unplanned vacation time punctuated by soccer practice. That's plenty of unstructured time mixed with a bit of useful employment. Next year it will be more work and less play, but still a good balance of both. As she gets older and wants to earn money, she won't be going unprepared into the workforce--she will have learned how to get up and go to work and be ready to do so every day.
I think we're doing her a big favor, frankly. And she will thank us for it.
Maybe more parents were home during the day and had more "control" over their teen's day to day summer activities. If I were going to be home all day every day during the summer, and would have the option of knowing when my kids were leaving the house, or what they were doing on the internet, I might not feel the need to come up with some scheduled activities for them. .
THIS.
My mother was a SAHM. So whatever "free play" we had, she knew what was going on (even if it was, "Hey, mom, I'm going down to the park to ride bikes and go fishing") and it was easier to be less structured (just change clothes and jump into our swimming pool in the backyard - she was there for emergencies).
So we could watch tv for a moment, we could spend all day outside exploring the creeks and fishing, we could have friends over for gaming or swimming or bball...we could do anything because the safety net was there and both parents could be at ease while at the same time giving us the freedom/independence to go do stuff.
A lot of stuff suggested in this thread sounds like controlling to me but this is from my perspective, coming from a background where parents let teenagers make their own decisions about how they spend their summers so it is controlling compared to that, not meaning controlling every single aspect of their day.
It looks like the kid has not made any plans of his own for how to spend the 10 hrs/day he will likely be alone. What do you suggest?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanderling
It all depends on where you live. Biking for my kids wouldn't be an option. I really wish it were, believe me. When I was young my parents never had to transport me anywhere, since I lived in a place with ample public transportation. And when I was a CIT there was a camp bus to pick me up. Sadly, where I live none of those conveniences exist.
I hear you. I know there are areas like that. We are fortunate to live in a small town/suburb that is bike-friendly, and where the distances aren't too great.
What your post says to me is that everyone's situation is different, and saying "he should be working" does not take everything into account. He's def too young for a driver's license. He'd need transportation if biking won't work. ETC.
My mum was home but not home if you know what I mean. She worked nights so during the day she was either sleeping or doing her own thing. All she wanted to know about what I was doing was whether I'd be home for dinner or not.
But I dunno, the argument for a balance between unstructured and structured is starting to sound good to me but I still wouldn't be comfortable with choosing the structure but I guess parents give suggestions and their teens choose what they want to do? Interesting to see how other parents do this. I don't think they have things like day camps over here (for teens I mean, children have supervised things to go to during holidays) so I don't know what teenagers do over here.
It looks like the kid has not made any plans of his own for how to spend the 10 hrs/day he will likely be alone. What do you suggest?
Well I guess if the kid doesn't know what to do with himself over the summer then I suppose his parents should help him think of something. I just can't imagine a teenager not having plans for summer, I always knew what I wanted to do.
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