Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How much is it really increased if they're paying daycare costs, gas, etc........I'm not understanding the "increased opportunity part...what would that be?........how does a 2 and a half year old "increase independence", and would that really be possible?.maybe independence from their parents, but who wants a 2 year old to have that? I seriously doubt there'd be an increase in school performance, why would that be?..........I figure the child who's had one on one guidance would fare better...maybe that's just me.
Different people have different thoughts on this issue. When I only had one child, I refused to work more than 4 days a week because I felt I was missing out. I was also in school-even in summer until she commented at the age of 5 that she missed the summer days at the beach and park. That was the first & last summer I took classes and went back to making sure I had enough time off to spend with her. Fast forward to a degree where there was no option for less days (teacher) and we worked opposite shifts so our kids didnt have to be in daycare. They always came home from school to a parent. Now with the younger 3 in school and a cross-country move that didnt allow me to teach and still be home at a reasonable hour, I have left my career so I have more time for them. My mom never worked as a kid. We didnt have much extra money, but I cherish the memories of the time with my mom home-even when I was older, I loved coming home to my mom being there and felt bad for kids who came home to an empty house. When teaching, there were kids that would get dropped off by a daycare van and go back to daycare after school. many of them have behavioral issues and a serious desire to talk to someone-I think they miss the "parent time". I have no idea how I'm going to make money now, but will pick up part time things when my kids are in school but still be able to go to the class events I missed out on and my husband did for all these years. I think the time with my kids is more important that rushing home after work at 5, making dinner, cleaning up, and then trying to get homework and everything else in-not to mention the shopping, etc. Now I'll be able to have dinner set up so I still have time to enjoy my kids after school and they can sign up for some of those activities they've wanted to without me feeling there isnt enough time.
I think kids need more time with their parents,even if not to go to clubs/camps, just to have that time. I know some people HAVE to work, heck, I HAVE to work, but not being so frenzied or having time for anything else with my kids made me realize they are only small once. My oldest is gone to college and I still have regrets of lost time I'll never get back.
How much is it really increased if they're paying daycare costs, gas, etc
In my particular case, financially having a kid in daycare uses up about 40% of my wife's paycheck, after figuring for all taxes that are involved. So it's financially better for her to work than for her to stay home.
However, it's really a wash once our kid hits about 4 or 5, because most kids go to some type of formal preschool at that point, regardless of whether the parents work or not. So it's expensive for a couple years but not for all.
I don't think my daughters school performance will be helped or harmed by having my wife work, but I do think that having her in the formal learning center environment helps my daughter suceed. I'd keep her in the daycare program even if my wife stayed at home because I think it is outstanding.
I do think that my daughter is more likely to be a working professional by seeing her mom go off to work everyday. I think that will be important in tomorrow's world - the number of single income / two parent families will be more rare then than it is today.
We do have ample financial resources. I think it's time we start to use them.
The mommy wars about whether it's better to be SAH or WOH could go on and on and on.... and they have.
Your kids will be fine either way. It's really not that big of a deal, as long as they know they're loved and they have time with their parents. If they have NO time with their parents, then I'd say something needs to be re-evaluated, but if weekends and evenings (or whatever equivalent time you have) are for family time, then it will be fine.
I worked when my son was an infant, then stayed home full-time for a decade with him and my daughter. Over the past few years, I've been building up my own business (I work from home), so I'm here, but not always available to them every second. We've homeschooled to this point, but the kids will be going to school starting next month. (!) Every time we've made a decision about where I'd be and where the kids would be, it's been after weighing all of the pros and cons. Up to this point, it made sense for me to stay home and homeschool; now I'm getting busier with my business and they're getting older, and it makes sense for them to go off to school. Just do what works for your family! Remember that you have only one go at this, though; once the kids grow up, and it happens very quickly, then your chance is over to parent them. I thought the little-kid stage would last forever, but mine are quickly spiraling into adolescence and I can see that the end of this phase of life is within reach.
It means because I work my kids get to visit their cousins and grand parents out of state. We can afford to buy a trailer and take road trip to places like the Black Hills, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon. Because I work we took a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Disneyworld this year. Because I work we are saving heavily for retirement so as not to become a burden on them later. Because I work we are saving for college. Because I work we were able to consider competitive sports for the kids. Because I work I don't have to think twice about buying them the clothing, shoes, school supplies, or sporting goods they need. Because I work we can afford a museum membership and any extracurricular activities they have time for, and movies, and trips to the water park... Because I work, we can afford to give them allowance to teach them the value of a dollar.
I've seen the argument that anyone can stay home if they budget and cut out unnecessary expenses. Fine, if that's what you want. But that isn't what we want. We want to give our kids "unnecessary" experiences because that's what makes life enjoyable. They are at school 7 hours/day. I really can't justify staying home anymore. It just doesn't work for us.
To get back to the OP, no my kids aren't in half day sports or arts camps, but they are in a summer camp that keeps them very busy and provides more than enough entertainment - more than I could possible provide at home.
It means because I work my kids get to visit their cousins and grand parents out of state. We can afford to buy a trailer and take road trip to places like the Black Hills, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon. Because I work we took a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Disneyworld this year. Because I work we are saving heavily for retirement so as not to become a burden on them later. Because I work we are saving for college. Because I work we were able to consider competitive sports for the kids. Because I work I don't have to think twice about buying them the clothing, shoes, school supplies, or sporting goods they need. Because I work we can afford a museum membership and any extracurricular activities they have time for, and movies, and trips to the water park... Because I work, we can afford to give them allowance to teach them the value of a dollar.
I've seen the argument that anyone can stay home if they budget and cut out unnecessary expenses. Fine, if that's what you want. But that isn't what we want. We want to give our kids "unnecessary" experiences because that's what makes life enjoyable. They are at school 7 hours/day. I really can't justify staying home anymore. It just doesn't work for us.
To get back to the OP, no my kids aren't in half day sports or arts camps, but they are in a summer camp that keeps them very busy and provides more than enough entertainment - more than I could possible provide at home.
Let's please not assume that those of us who stay home are all on the edge of bankruptcy. I don't work and my kids get an allowance too, go to private school and travel extensively. They also get to spend the summer at the beach with their mom.
I do agree with the second part of your post however. Not everyone can or should stay at home. But, let's not put all stay at home moms into the "my kids have more than yours because you must be broke" bucket.
OP - don't borrow trouble, your daughter will be fine.
Let's please not assume that those of us who stay home are all on the edge of bankruptcy. I don't work and my kids get an allowance too, go to private school and travel extensively. They also get to spend the summer at the beach with their mom.
I do agree with the second part of your post however. Not everyone can or should stay at home. But, let's not put all stay at home moms into the "my kids have more than yours because you must be broke" bucket.
OP - don't borrow trouble, your daughter will be fine.
I know a lot of families that have all those things I mentioned and more on one income. I was only speaking for myself.
When my sister and I were young we were at home all day and spent a huge amount of time, over years, watching tv. My kids are in daycare and sometimes I question it, but then I recall that they are busy and engaged all day, every day, and not in front of the boob tube like we were.
There will always be pros and cons and who can say how you will decide down the road. If I could redo my own childhood I definitely would have picked a nice daycare like I picked for my kids. But will my kids feel it was worth it to them? that I can't be sure of, but if she seems to be enjoying it, go from there. you could always split time in summer to try out camps.
Here's what your child will remember when she is older. Time you spent with her. Even just in your backyard blowing bubbles together.
Activities are great, but so not make the mistake that I see so many folks do....Do not put your child into every activity there is....Pick one or two activities...after she gets older, school age even.
Spend time, that is the critical piece missing in lots of families....Slow, relaxed or silly fun. It can be at home, or together at a park, or families and friends.
Just invest in your child your values and your support and love...Everything else will fall into place.
Some of my children's favorite memories are of the times we were financially the poorest, and we had to be the most inventive.
One thing I did when I was a student, very little money, very little time. We made Friday nights family nights. We would buy the cheap pizzas and get free videos from the library. We would eat our pizzas and watch whatever, even if it was travel movies...it didn't matter....
Make some rituals and family traditions, build lots of memories, laugh and play.
No need to feel guilty, plenty of folks have to work and kids will grow up just fine. Have the best daycare you can afford, and enjoy your life together. Best wishes to you all.
Last edited by JanND; 07-12-2013 at 04:54 PM..
Reason: spacing
My two cents from a preschool teacher of 14 years. Give her your full attention when you are with her, shower her with hugs and kisses and get her out among people. Love her enough to discipline her and encourage her independence. Do not tolerate rudeness or defiance.The camps are great but her best memories will be of the small moments you share together as a family.
That's really all they need at any age from a working or stay at home parent.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
!) Every time we've made a decision about where I'd be and where the kids would be, it's been after weighing all of the pros and cons. Up to this point, it made sense for me to stay home and homeschool; now I'm getting busier with my business and they're getting older, and it makes sense for them to go off to school. Just do what works for your family! Remember that you have only one go at this, though; once the kids grow up, and it happens very quickly, then your chance is over to parent them. I thought the little-kid stage would last forever, but mine are quickly spiraling into adolescence and I can see that the end of this phase of life is within reach.
