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Manners are never situational. You don't not haul out one standard of manners for your girlfriend's parents and another set of manners for the cashier at McDonalds. In fact, I'll go one step further and say that people who think manners are situational tend to be users who ask themselves, "Now, how nice to I have to be to this person to get what I want?"
Funny how, when I travel to other parts of the country and say Sir and Ma'am, I am complimented for my manners. Don't seem to offend or hurt anyone's feelings at all. And my children when they use Sir or Ma'am in regions where such words are supposed to be taboo are practically showered with rose petals. Hell, when we were in the Northeast not to long ago on vacation, the waitress brought them free desserts because my children had been so polite to her.
Not that that was their motivation, of course. But it tells me that large parts of this country are essentially starved for rudimentary courtesy.
Again, you completely ignore the fact that you could be making someone uncomfortable, because you are showing off how polite you are, and would rather flaunt that you are superior to the rest of us, rather than actually being polite in a different way if the situation calls for it.
You confuse particular terms with politeness and manners. Polite is a frame of mind, not a singular form of address.
Hardly. I've traveled a great deal, likely much more than you. And I've been to countries where the code of manners is far more rigid than it is in the United States. In fact, one of the first things I do when traveling is to consult the customs of wherever I'm traveling to make sure I am conforming with local customs. So spare me your cultural relativism.
No. Conventions are situational. But as I stated in my amended post, the United States is probably the most egalitarian in terms of respect for age and position. So, in that sense, my teaching my children to say Sir and Ma'am is better preparing them to be citizens of the world than the casual, laissez-faire, call-adults-by-their-first-name nonsense.
Hardly. I've traveled a great deal, likely much more than you. And I've been to countries where the code of manners is far more rigid than it is in the United States. In Europe, Japan, China, and most of the Anglosphere, for example, there is much more formality. In fact, one of the first things I do when traveling is to consult the customs of wherever I'm traveling to make sure I am conforming with local customs, and I've yet to find a country where there is the degree of egalitarianism in business situations that you would find in the United States. And a child is raised to be aware of these things is far more apt to do well, no matter where he or she travels.
Moderator Cut. I am from a country where it is not proper to call people Sir or Ma'am unless they are superior officers in the Forces or Royalty (in the case of Ma'am). And there's no Sir or Ma'am where I live now either, people are called by their names and if they are a stranger then just talking politely is enough (not even using 2nd person plural instead of the singular is really done anymore)
Last edited by Jaded; 08-01-2013 at 12:38 AM..
Reason: Unnecessary remark.
No. Conventions are situational. But as I stated in my amended post, the United States is probably the most egalitarian in terms of respect for age and position. So, in that sense, my teaching my children to say Sir and Ma'am is better preparing them to be citizens of the world than the casual, laissez-faire, call-adults-by-their-first-name nonsense.
Okay. Same thing.
I lived in the south for while, where everyone called adult women Miss First Name. My landlady hated it, and every time someone slipped out of habit she'd say "just first name, please."
Now in that situation it would have been rude to insist on the convention.
I believe it's important to teach manners are more flexible than one might first realize, and that it's important to pay attention to your surroundings and the people you're addressing.
However a child is taught to address others, it is important that the underlying foundation of that is *respect*. Period.
I once witnessed a parent in a beautiful demonstration of teaching respect. After hearing one sibling call the other (a) "Dummy" for grabbing away a toy, the parent walked to the name-calling child and asked, "Did I just hear you call your brother 'Dummy'?" The child replied with his head lowering, "Yes." The parent explained, "In this house, we do not call people 'Dummy'. We call them by their name. Your brother's name is 'Andrew.' so when we talk to him, we call him 'Andrew.' Do you understand?" The young child nodded his head "Yes," and the parent then directed him to apologize to the sibling, using his name.
The parent then also took the toy and told them, "In this house, we share. If you cannot share, then we will take away the toy." And the parent took the toy telling the children, when you are ready to share, you can ask for the toy, and I will give you back the toy. Amazing children those were! Very loving and respectful of each other.
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