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My 3,5 year old used to be fairly good with going to bed for the most part; last couple of months however he's been getting worse and worse. We haven't changed our bedtime routine, but now once he's in bed he's started getting up and popping back out - I need to go potty (when he just went), mommy cover me, I need a drink, or starts asking questions like 'how do I sleep?' and screams 'noooo not like that!' to anything we say. Before I leave every time I'll tell him not to come back out or that we want to do X in the morning and we won't be able to if he doesn't sleep, but none of it works, he'll listen and promise not to come out and then does it again. When we try talking to him nicely it'll keep going to where he's doing this 5-6 times a night. It's only after we raise our voice a couple of times and forcefully put him back into bed that he finally stops. I hate doing that though because he ends up crying and we only feel bad. But it seems like being nice isn't working either. I look forward to his bedtime because I'm tired myself at that point and I end up snapping; last night DH actually gave him a spanking on the fourth time, after warning him that he'll get it if he comes back out. He went to sleep after that but I hate it, it doesn't seem like a good way to handle things. I'm not sure what other discipline methods to use to keep him in bed. Things that work for daytime like timeouts aren't suitable here. I want to make it a firm boundary but without getting him all worked up because that's just counterproductive when I want him to calm down and go to sleep; yet it seems any method we try either doesn't work or it makes him hysterical which can't be good right before sleep. Help???
If mine ever plays funny with me, I show him my hand and warn him he won't like it the next time I touch him. He knows that if he cries, it will only get worse for him. That's it, he goes to bed and only comes out the next morning.
My 3,5 year old used to be fairly good with going to bed for the most part; last couple of months however he's been getting worse and worse. We haven't changed our bedtime routine, but now once he's in bed he's started getting up and popping back out - I need to go potty (when he just went), mommy cover me, I need a drink, or starts asking questions like 'how do I sleep?' and screams 'noooo not like that!' to anything we say. Before I leave every time I'll tell him not to come back out or that we want to do X in the morning and we won't be able to if he doesn't sleep, but none of it works, he'll listen and promise not to come out and then does it again. When we try talking to him nicely it'll keep going to where he's doing this 5-6 times a night. It's only after we raise our voice a couple of times and forcefully put him back into bed that he finally stops. I hate doing that though because he ends up crying and we only feel bad. But it seems like being nice isn't working either. I look forward to his bedtime because I'm tired myself at that point and I end up snapping; last night DH actually gave him a spanking on the fourth time, after warning him that he'll get it if he comes back out. He went to sleep after that but I hate it, it doesn't seem like a good way to handle things. I'm not sure what other discipline methods to use to keep him in bed. Things that work for daytime like timeouts aren't suitable here. I want to make it a firm boundary but without getting him all worked up because that's just counterproductive when I want him to calm down and go to sleep; yet it seems any method we try either doesn't work or it makes him hysterical which can't be good right before sleep. Help???
He is probably doing this for the attention and it's working.
Explain what will happen during the day before you start this routine, but...
Say once: "Do not come out again. Please stay in your bed."
Return him to bed. Don't talk, make eye contact or reprimand him.
Do this every time he gets out of bed.
You will need to be patient, but he will get this. Don't try this if you will get upset returning him to bed. You need to stay calm and patient.
He is probably doing this for the attention and it's working.
Explain what will happen during the day before you start this routine, but...
Say once: "Do not come out again. Please stay in your bed."
Return him to bed. Don't talk, make eye contact or reprimand him.
Do this every time he gets out of bed.
You will need to be patient, but he will get this. Don't try this if you will get upset returning him to bed. You need to stay calm and patient.
Nana has the right answer. Acting up at bedtime is no reason to start smacking a child around. The less attention you provide, the quicker it will end. Do not talk, much less yell.
He wants attention and he's getting it. When he gets up, don't say a word. Take him back to bed without engaging him in conversation. He also might be be ready to give up his nap.
He is probably doing this for the attention and it's working.
Explain what will happen during the day before you start this routine, but...
Say once: "Do not come out again. Please stay in your bed."
Return him to bed. Don't talk, make eye contact or reprimand him.
Do this every time he gets out of bed.
You will need to be patient, but he will get this. Don't try this if you will get upset returning him to bed. You need to stay calm and patient.
when we try to ignore his requests and put him back to bed he starts getting more worked up and fighting us, persisting will often lead to a meltdown where he then has trouble calming down. He has a bit of a problem with having meltdowns that are intense and prolonged and that he doesn't seem to be able to control, and he's always responded a lot better to talking and reasoning than any kind of force; in fact sternly talking to him and granting him one request followed by going to bed will work about 50% of the time, but it's the other 50% that are a problem. But trying to physically get him back in bed has never ever worked.
We tried taking away a privilege, like going to the pool or having ice cream the next day, warning him it'll happen if he keeps getting out of bed, but it didn't seem to faze him either.
when we try to ignore his requests and put him back to bed he starts getting more worked up and fighting us, persisting will often lead to a meltdown where he then has trouble calming down. He has a bit of a problem with having meltdowns that are intense and prolonged and that he doesn't seem to be able to control, and he's always responded a lot better to talking and reasoning than any kind of force; in fact sternly talking to him and granting him one request followed by going to bed will work about 50% of the time, but it's the other 50% that are a problem. But trying to physically get him back in bed has never ever worked.
We tried taking away a privilege, like going to the pool or having ice cream the next day, warning him it'll happen if he keeps getting out of bed, but it didn't seem to faze him either.
That's not going to work. Kids need immediate consequences, not threats of them tomorrow.
If mine ever plays funny with me, I show him my hand and warn him he won't like it the next time I touch him. He knows that if he cries, it will only get worse for him. That's it, he goes to bed and only comes out the next morning.
Time outs never work, spankings do.
My four kids are all grown..and they are very close to me- They trust me and confide in me and there are no secrets- If I would have "spanked" them...this would not be the case- If the kid is 3 and they continue to get out of bed it is because they are curious and want to be part of the adult pack. I never did that stupid time out thing nor did I hit. My wife was smart- she did have a strict routine and that did help...Living on a large property - if they did not want to go to sleep at that moment - I took the time and took them outside to walk about and talk.
I am glad that my kids had spirit..and that I did not break that spirit...better to put up with some inconvenience for a bit than to spank them.....In the end you will be better off.
That's not going to work. Kids need immediate consequences, not threats of them tomorrow.
Well he didn't seem to have a problem recognizing the cause and effect, he would tell everyone how he didn't get to have ice cream because he misbehaved and wouldn't go to bed; he's a very bright kid with a great memory so it's not a concept that's hard for him to grasp. Yet it didn't prevent him from doing the same thing next day.
Well, he's clearly getting something out of his behavior. What do you think it might be?
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