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We're from south asia, had an arranged marriage and moved to the US. When the children were young, we thought it would be nice if they have an arranged marriage like us, but now we decided that it would be better if they find their spouse. We told our children that they can date while in college but not in high school. We feel high school is too early for a relationship (which is not the case mostly) and will be a distraction for performing well in school.
My son is 15 now, don't date as of yet as far as I know . He seems ok with it, but his friends at school who have already started dating, keep questioning him about why he's not. Looks like there is a lot of peer pressure, but he says he handles them like he handled not eating meat.
He's a blessing and anything that a parent could ask for. I was worried if we're doing the right thing for him.
Is college too late to start dating? What is the recommended/appropriate age to start?
Thanks!
Like any other skill, kids need practice and exposure to it to master the techniques of successful socialization.
If you honestly think keeping your children from gaining any experience with the opposite sex until college is a good idea, then you are sadly mistaken and are setting them up for being socially awkward.
I strongly encourage you to allow "group date" opportunities by the time they are at least juniors in high school.
One on one dating should then be allowed at least for special occasions like prom, homecoming or graduation.
If you do not allow your kids to learn some of these very important social skills PRIOR to college, you will be handicapping them in ways that they alone will suffer from for years, potentially even after college.
We're from south asia, had an arranged marriage and moved to the US. When the children were young, we thought it would be nice if they have an arranged marriage like us, but now we decided that it would be better if they find their spouse.
Thanks!
can you please tell me why you come with this idea. Any reason. Because I am from India so just curious to know why you select this path.
If you want a socially adjusted son, college is way to late. When he can drive, so 16 in most states, he should be able to date. That of course still comes with riles such as a curfew, no drinking etc.
No matter what you decide or think is going on, now is the time to have a talk with your son about safe sex and the use of condoms. If you control a lot of his life, and it sounds like you might, he will be dating before you are aware of it. So make sure he is prepared to be responsible with regards to sex and dating.
My daughter "dated" a boy for about a month in 8th grade, but that consisted of him walking her to class and to the bus. She didn't really like him all that much, but it's a status thing to do at that age. Based on what she told me, they never held hands or kissed, and I think that's true because she talked about the "relationship" a lot.
She's 15 now and goes out in groups, but doesn't have a boyfriend.
We've told her all along that she has to be 16 before she can go on a real date, but we'd let her go to homecoming or the prom with a date if someone asked her.
I know the dating thing has to happen and that she needs to "practice," but I wish we could put it off longer.
College is not too late. Dating is not the only way to develop social skills, nor is it the only way to have female friends. And some of those dating "skills" learned in high school are not so healthy.
One does not have to have good "dating" skills to be able to find a lifelong partner as an adult. What is more important is your son's character. You want him to be responsible, honest, kind, faithful, gentle, . . . and when he is an adult, women will find that very attractive. He also will have more maturity to think about what kind of woman he wants to spend his life with, rather than what girl he wants to spend the evening with.
My daughters will be 45 before they're allowed to date. Oh and i mean group dates at first!
To those who say "college is too late".....i was in college when i first started dating......i'm only slightly F-ed up
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. He seems ok with it, but his friends at school who have already started dating, keep questioning him about why he's not. Looks like there is a lot of peer pressure, but he says he handles them like he handled not eating meat. 
