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Imagine you got a phone call, or were approached by a parent at your child's school, and were told that your child had been having a problem with their child at school. I mean, imagine the other parent is polite and non-accusatory, and hoping for a solution because the school is reluctant to intervene. The other child is afraid of your child and says your child has done things to frighten and/or humiliate him or her in school (we're talking little kids here - primary grades). What would be your reaction? I am having no luck with this situation through the school, which clearly condones bullying, and am thinking of carefully approaching the child's parent (without using the bully word of course). If it were my child, I would never allow that to continue, no matter what I had to do, and I'd definitely want to know about it. But I'm worried the other parent will simply be in denial, or will think it's OK.
I think it's worth a try. Sometimes kids with bad attitudes get them from their parents, but other times they're just acting out what they've seen other kids do, and they can be taught better ways to behave. You won't know if it's possible until you talk to the other parent.
If it were my child, I would never allow that to continue, no matter what I had to do,
The problem is you don't have any control of your child at school. Short of moving your child to a different school, there is little that you could do to prevent your child from misbehaving while at school.
I think its worth a try. Another mum phoned my mum about that (I was bullying her son, sort of), I don't know what my mum said to the other mum but it made her talk to me about it which made me stop what I was doing.
In our experience....bullying is a learned behavior from the parents or at least tolerated by the parents. If someone told me my kids were bullying someone, they would be in HUGE trouble at home and would be making amends with that other child....however, you don't typically find bullies coming out of homes where treating others like that is something that is acceptable.
I think I would wonder why, if it was really a bullying situation, I wasn't hearing of any problems through the school. You say the school condones bullying, but what does that mean, exactly?
If child #1 claims child#2 is being mean, maybe child #1 is overly sensitive. That is not to say child #1 is wrong, but it may not be a situation where adults need to step in. My kids were never accused of bullying, but there were times when they didn't include somebody in a game because that other child cried easily, or complained about the rules, etc. To me, those are situations where the kids need to figure things out for themselves.
In our experience....bullying is a learned behavior from the parents or at least tolerated by the parents. If someone told me my kids were bullying someone, they would be in HUGE trouble at home and would be making amends with that other child....however, you don't typically find bullies coming out of homes where treating others like that is something that is acceptable.
there is little that you could do to prevent your child from misbehaving while at school.
Sure there is. You teach them how to act (that starts in toddler hood) and correct them when you find out they've gone off course. You'd let the school handle it? Really? YOU are the parent. If your child misbehaves at Sears are you going to let the mall cop handle it?
I think I would wonder why, if it was really a bullying situation, I wasn't hearing of any problems through the school. You say the school condones bullying, but what does that mean, exactly?
If child #1 claims child#2 is being mean, maybe child #1 is overly sensitive. That is not to say child #1 is wrong, but it may not be a situation where adults need to step in. My kids were never accused of bullying, but there were times when they didn't include somebody in a game because that other child cried easily, or complained about the rules, etc. To me, those are situations where the kids need to figure things out for themselves.
It's deliberate attempts to frighten and humiliate my child. It's aggression when my child is trying his best to avoid the other child. The school thinks that kids need to stand up for themselves - in other words, the victim is doing something wrong by not somehow putting a stop to the bulling (even though that would obviously mean breaking school rules about hitting or yelling back), while the bully is apparently doing nothing that warrants correction. The way I see it, if I punch an adult I don't like (let's say, just for argument's sake, the school principal), then she calls the cops and I go to jail. I am wrong because I am the aggressor, and she is right by calling the cops and pressing charges. The cops don't show up and say, well, did you hit her back? Did you use your words to tell her you don't like that? It should be no different for little kids, who are the most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. It's not the victim's responsibility to stop the attack - if they come to an adult, we are supposed to intervene.
I am trying hard to do this without actually becoming a bully myself, but I can be mean when pressed and it's an effort to keep being civil to all involved.
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