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Issues like they wont let me go home with one of my parents that were picking me up from after school care because our names were different. Happened many times, how do you prove you're the parent of a child with a different last name, believe the 5 year old who says it's ok? It was hard at times uneccessarily is my point.
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Originally Posted by Zimbochick
Who said people who don't change their name do it because they are lazy? I have never, ever heard that used as a reason. What does a name have to do with whether or not people are committed to their family? Sounds very weird to me.
My marrieds friends have said it, I said that in my post... Whether you believe it or not, if you're married to someone and don't have the same last name, or your last name is different than your child, there's going to be a perception that something is up there from outside people looking in who don't know the specifics or your situation. And from the inside, I would think there is really no reason to not have the same name, so why not, it's not that difficult to do.
If I meet a couple with different last names or they dont share one name with their kids, I'm going to assume they aren't married, or recently divorced, or there's some sort of broken home situation going on. People have different opinions, largely due to superficial information, like it or not, right or wrong, that's how it works. If you're OK with that, then it shouldn't matter to you, so keep living with different last names. For me, that doesn't work, largely based on personal experience. Just expressing my opinion.
If they are not married, the mother's last name. Teen pregnancies rarely work out with the couple staying together, and it sucks to have your child walking around with the last name of your deadbeat ex-boyfriend.
Many states now require the father's name on the birth certificate in order for the mother to receive assistance. This facilitates the allocation of child support.
Issues like they wont let me go home with one of my parents that were picking me up from after school care because our names were different. Happened many times, how do you prove you're the parent of a child with a different last name, believe the 5 year old who says it's ok? It was hard at times uneccessarily is my point.
That sounds like a system failure at the school level. There's a reason why one has to fill out a thousand forms at the beginning of the school year, parent's names are listed multiple times, as are persons allowed and not allowed to collect the kids. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I've just never heard of it happening. I'd add that I collect multiple children from school who aren't mine. Same principles apply, I am on their list.
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Originally Posted by SaintCabbage
Whether you believe it or not, if you're married to someone and don't have the same last name, or your last name is different than your child, there's going to be a perception that something is up there from outside people looking in who don't know the specifics or your situation. And from the inside, I would think there is really no reason to not have the same name, so why not, it's not that difficult to do.
If I meet a couple with different last names or they dont share one name with their kids, I'm going to assume they aren't married, or recently divorced, or there's some sort of broken home situation going on. People have different opinions, largely due to superficial information, like it or not, right or wrong, that's how it works. If you're OK with that, then it shouldn't matter to you, so keep living with different last names. For me, that doesn't work, largely based on personal experience. Just expressing my opinion.
It's silly to pass judgement on things like names without having any information isn't it? I sincerely doubt that is the norm.
Issues like they wont let me go home with one of my parents that were picking me up from after school care because our names were different. Happened many times, how do you prove you're the parent of a child with a different last name, believe the 5 year old who says it's ok? It was hard at times uneccessarily is my point.
My marrieds friends have said it, I said that in my post... Whether you believe it or not, if you're married to someone and don't have the same last name, or your last name is different than your child, there's going to be a perception that something is up there from outside people looking in who don't know the specifics or your situation. And from the inside, I would think there is really no reason to not have the same name, so why not, it's not that difficult to do.
If I meet a couple with different last names or they dont share one name with their kids, I'm going to assume they aren't married, or recently divorced, or there's some sort of broken home situation going on. People have different opinions, largely due to superficial information, like it or not, right or wrong, that's how it works. If you're OK with that, then it shouldn't matter to you, so keep living with different last names. For me, that doesn't work, largely based on personal experience. Just expressing my opinion.
I don't know about your school system but here when you register your child you list the names of those allowed to pick up your child. That person must be on the list and show photo ID when picking up a child. Doesn't matter what the last name is.
If it is a second marriage, normally the wife will take his name so her children will have a different last name. People will think you are remarried. More and more grandparents are raising their gkids and may have a different last name. I think most people really don't give a hoot what perception a stranger may have of their family unit.
I'm surprised at some of the responses here. As a kid who had a different last name than both my parents, I had serious issues time after time when they came to pick me up from school. And that was 30+ years ago when security is nowhere near as tight as it is now.
That was 30 years ago....different last names weren't as common, and in smaller towns, almost unheard of. Schools have gotten with the times, and it's not an issue. Parents tell the schools who is, and who isn't, allowed to pick up children...and it's not a problem. When my daughter was in elementary 15 years ago I volunteered in the office, and it was no problem when a parent with a different last name checked out a child. You looked in the file for names (if you didn't know them personally), they signed the signout sheet....life went on.
Tradition? I dont know, personal choice I guess, but I would think everyone in the "family" having the same last name would prevent a lot of confusion and add to the sense of unity within the family. Sounds cliche, but just being too "lazy" to change it seems like a silly reason. I know there are other reasons, but several of my couple friends have told me that in the past.
Do you know what it takes to change your name these days...and how it can cause problems later in life? I did take my hubby's name.....mostly because I liked it better than my own.....but I recently had to get a driver's license in my new state and it took three trips to the DMV because I didn't have a birth certificate with my married name on it! (Really, they actually said that...it was a cluster.)
I have told my daughter, she's very smart if she doesn't change her name if and when she gets married. And honestly, if having the same last name is needed to have enough "unity" in a marriage and family ....then....well...not much of a marriage or family unit.
That sounds like a system failure at the school level. There's a reason why one has to fill out a thousand forms at the beginning of the school year, parent's names are listed multiple times, as are persons allowed and not allowed to collect the kids. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I've just never heard of it happening. I'd add that I collect multiple children from school who aren't mine. Same principles apply, I am on their list.
It's silly to pass judgement on things like names without having any information isn't it? I sincerely doubt that is the norm.
I can't give you another rep point....but the above is SPOT on!
That sounds like a system failure at the school level. There's a reason why one has to fill out a thousand forms at the beginning of the school year, parent's names are listed multiple times, as are persons allowed and not allowed to collect the kids. I'm not saying it didn't happen, I've just never heard of it happening. I'd add that I collect multiple children from school who aren't mine. Same principles apply, I am on their list.
Correct, it was a failure at a school level, that's exactly why we fill out the forms now, because of mistakes that could easily have been avoided, that were made in the 70's and 80's. I wasn't implying it would be a problem today.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zimbochick
It's silly to pass judgement on things like names without having any information isn't it? I sincerely doubt that is the norm.
If you dont think people make 1,000 assumptions about you just by looking at you, you're wrong. I'm not justifying that, just telling you how it is. We can agree to disagree, or you can frantically keep hitting refresh in effort to tear apart every post I make.
If you dont think people make 1,000 assumptions about you just by looking at you, you're wrong. I'm not justifying that, just telling you how it is. We can agree to disagree, or you can frantically keep hitting refresh in effort to tear apart every post I make.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person
Many states now require the father's name on the birth certificate in order for the mother to receive assistance. This facilitates the allocation of child support.
I thought we were going away from that? It was and should be eliminated since so many times the name put down is the spouse and not the biological parent.
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