What to do with a child who doesn't want to grow up (play, insurance)
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I should have added IF she's in school full time. It would mean she was contributing to the household which she is not right now. However, I'd much prefer she get a job. I think if she gets one she'll find she likes having her own money but what I really want is her working towards some future goal beit a degree or a trade. Something to support herself.
Yes, a job and schooling would be wonderful. But, it won't magically happen. This girl needs help. Not merely tough love, but tough love with direction.
Why is she so stressed out, sounds like she have a pretty good life and especially with only 7 credits. Have you thought about giving her some professional counseling?
She's "stressed out" because she's 110% LAZY!! I get so tired of people automatically assuming someone that is not motivated is just so because they need some "counseling" when what they really need is a swift kick in the bum and to get off their lazy arse!
Then don't lock the door. You've made it all black and white. She has to do this. She has to do that. Mostly she has to bend to your will.
Ivory has been given many suggestions by many of us about things she could do other than throwing her daughter out. And we all know she's not going to throw her daughter out. But she ignores the other suggestions and her and her husband will just keep making threats the daughter knows they won't follow through with and nothing will ever change.
Last edited by afoigrokerkok; 04-21-2014 at 08:10 PM..
Reason: Typo
The MOST messed up family I know is currently on their 8th or 9th counselor. And getting the help they need. You get on the phone and you call until you find the therapist that says when she can see your husband and you. Then you go and you sit and listen to that therapist. And you work with her on getting your family back on track.
BTW: A good therapist won't let you BS her so be forewarned. All the excuses you've made on your threads will be challenged. She's not there to advise you on DD. She's there to advise you on..... wait for it......being a parent.
Sadly, it is too late for parenting.
The young woman is 19 years old.
You don't "parent" kids after about the age of 13 - you mentor them. (which I know you know, just saying it for those here who don't )
If there is to be any chance of ivory salvaging her daughter from a wasted life there are several things that need to happen and happen quickly.
But first and foremost ivory and her husband have got to accept that THEY created this situation so THEY owe it to their daughter to admit that to her and start fresh with a new plan of action.
Thanks. I'd be ok with making a deal where she does certain things around the house. We'll see how this plays out. Right now she's planning on leaving. She wasn't at the boyfriend's parents house long before they'd had enough of her last time. I really don't care what she majors in. She just needs to be in college or a technical program. I want her working towards a goal.
I'm sorry you were assaulted. That's one of my fears if we just toss dd out on her rear. If she leaves, it's her choice but I don't think I could live with it if something happened and I threw her out.
That's one reason I wouldn't want to actually throw a 19 year old out. Even if the kid was being lazy. I would throw the kid out for doing pot or coming home drunk but not just for being lazy -- some people are lazy -- they never have much ambition.
As long as the other parents are willing to take them in again, at least she's safe enough there. It helps you if she leaves and goes to live with them -- it gives you time to decide what the rules will be if and when she wants to come back. It's better for those other parents to see that their son buys her clothes and stuff but doesn't pay room and board.
I would stop paying for college for the time being. It doesn't mean you can't save the money for a later time when she shows more interest and isn't going to just drop classes and waste your money. In fact I think it almost enables her -- she currently has the excuse that she's in college and so doesn't have to work, even though 7 credits is pretty much a joke since she has nothing else to do.
Ivory, Moderator Cut, I suggest you get some serious counseling for yourself. It's very apparent that you disdain your daughter. You may not be conscious of it, but it comes through loud and clear. She can't help but have picked up on it. She's living up to your expectations for her.
Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 04-22-2014 at 11:57 PM..
Reason: Referred to OP as "Troll"; inappropriate comment
You don't "parent" kids after about the age of 13 - you mentor them. (which I know you know, just saying it for those here who don't )
If there is to be any chance of ivory salvaging her daughter from a wasted life there are several things that need to happen and happen quickly.
But first and foremost ivory and her husband have got to accept that THEY created this situation so THEY owe it to their daughter to admit that to her and start fresh with a new plan of action.
She's "stressed out" because she's 110% LAZY!! I get so tired of people automatically assuming someone that is not motivated is just so because they need some "counseling" when what they really need is a swift kick in the bum and to get off their lazy arse!
I would agree. The question is how to do that. When she claimed to be stressed out with 12 credits I worried that she just can't handle college but 7???? Come on, that's 7 hours of class a week and if she has 2 hours of homework for each hour of class, she has 21 hours a week accounted for. The question is how to kick her in the butt without kicking her out. I fear she'll end up raped or worse if she ends up on the street with nowhere to go but things cannot continue the way they are. I do believe this is just laziness. Yes, she has an issue with empathy but that does not prevent her from making decisions that are good for her and the ones she's making aren't.
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