Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm going to start by saying my daughter is a good, albeit very lazy, kid. She doesn't do drugs, does well in school (because she wants to, not because I tell her she has to get good grades), keeps her room clean and for the most part picks up after herself. She helps with chores when asked but "she forgets" unless reminded. The "forgetting" and laziness is a whole different topic though.
But...omfg she is SO IRRITATING. I can't have a casual conversation without her turning it into some kind of completely unrelated discussion, which I engage until it becomes a challenge (like she's trying to prove something). Then when I tell her we've gotten off track to get back into an easygoing conversation I get what I call the "scrunched up pissed off" face, where she has this nasty look on her face and just stares down and gets sullen.
Just two years ago she was so talkative and engaging. Now....ugh. Moms, how do you deal with your teenage daughter? Are all of them so contrarian? How do you keep yourself sane and happy when everything they say is so negative (unless it's something a friend told/showed them, then it's the best thing EVER).
When my daughter got that look on her face I just walked away and went and did something else.
No acknowledgement of her change in attitude cut the attitude very quickly at that moment and in the future.
Teenagers lose their minds about 12.5 years of age and if you are lucky they will find them again and return them to their proper position inside their head by the time they are out of college.
I have an extremely difficult teen. It's heartbreaking. I went from being her favorite person, to being her most hated. And she's 17. It has gotten worse with age.
I never treated my mom the way my daughter treats me. I think we give kids nowadays way too much leeway as far as the bad and disrespectful behavior. I feel like kids today see themselves as equals to their parents. A little healthy fear of your parents never killed anyone, and certainly helps to curb the mouthiness and disrespect. If I spoke to my mother the way my daughter speaks to me, I would have been backhanded across the room. I feel like today's teens get away with murder, and we just poo poo it as being "normal".
If your daughter is dis-respecting you...why are you allowing it? Having the kids fear you and your 'backhand' is not how you have them respect you either.
Say enough is enough...follow through on consequences when she step out of line. (And not just because she argues....all teens are going to do that....either to you face or even worse, behind your back) and find a balance.
Can't help you OP except to say hang in there and stick to your guns if you feel you are right but pick your battles. And bless each day you have her, she loves you somewhere down under that teenage self.
My two were rough. Some days all you can do is keep it between the lines. Will be OK after they grow up.
I'm going to start by saying my daughter is a good, albeit very lazy, kid. She doesn't do drugs, does well in school (because she wants to, not because I tell her she has to get good grades), keeps her room clean and for the most part picks up after herself. She helps with chores when asked but "she forgets" unless reminded. The "forgetting" and laziness is a whole different topic though.
But...omfg she is SO IRRITATING. I can't have a casual conversation without her turning it into some kind of completely unrelated discussion, which I engage until it becomes a challenge (like she's trying to prove something). Then when I tell her we've gotten off track to get back into an easygoing conversation I get what I call the "scrunched up pissed off" face, where she has this nasty look on her face and just stares down and gets sullen.
Just two years ago she was so talkative and engaging. Now....ugh. Moms, how do you deal with your teenage daughter? Are all of them so contrarian? How do you keep yourself sane and happy when everything they say is so negative (unless it's something a friend told/showed them, then it's the best thing EVER).
She cleans her room, gets good grades, helps with chores, and you call her "very lazy"????
If you call her lazy after all the positive things she does, than I am surprised she talks to you at all.
Does she seem to have a lot going on right now? You say she visits her dad, could there be issues going on? Maybe like someone said she just needs to vent.
I'm going to start by saying my daughter is a good, albeit very lazy, kid. She doesn't do drugs, does well in school (because she wants to, not because I tell her she has to get good grades), keeps her room clean and for the most part picks up after herself. She helps with chores when asked but "she forgets" unless reminded. The "forgetting" and laziness is a whole different topic though.
But...omfg she is SO IRRITATING. I can't have a casual conversation without her turning it into some kind of completely unrelated discussion, which I engage until it becomes a challenge (like she's trying to prove something). Then when I tell her we've gotten off track to get back into an easygoing conversation I get what I call the "scrunched up pissed off" face, where she has this nasty look on her face and just stares down and gets sullen.
Just two years ago she was so talkative and engaging. Now....ugh. Moms, how do you deal with your teenage daughter? Are all of them so contrarian? How do you keep yourself sane and happy when everything they say is so negative (unless it's something a friend told/showed them, then it's tlettihe best thing EVER).
Sounds like a normal teenage attitude to me. It'll drive you nuts as you wonder what happened to that sweet, engaging, loving little girl that was your daughter, and who is this alien that has taken over her body? When kids hit their teens,their parents become the dumbest, most clueless beings that ever roamed with the dinosaurs, and they were put on this earth intentionally to embarrass and harass said teens. The parents' mere existence, their every breath, let alone everything they say out loud is a source of annihilating embarrassment to these teens. Except for a parent providing transportation ( provided you drop the kids off a block away so you won't embarrass them in front of their friends) and serve as the money tree when they want it, parents are of no use to their teenage kids and should just disappear.
There may be exceptions, and some kids are worse than others, but these attitudes displayed by teenagers seem to be a part of their growing up and beginning the separation process from their parents. What's good about your daughter is that at least so far, she's doing well in school, and seems to pretty much carry out other things asked of her ( keeping her room neat, WOW- I had ongoing battles with my daughter over the condition of her room at that age). So IMO I'd set whatever limitations you feel are important with her, don't let her attitude "guilt" or frustrate you into letting her do things you don't believe are appropriate (or unsafe) for her (in other words, continue to be a good parent). Love her and be proud of her anyway even when she pushes your every last button with that teenage attitude, and know that she will grow out of this stage of her life. It'll happen, and from that teenager/alien you think replaced your daughter will emerge the beautiful, mature young woman you know you raised.
^^Great post! Way more helpful that these, "If you were a better parent, this wouldn't be happening" OR "just do this, problem over" posts. Yes, OP, be happy that her grades are good, and she keeps her room clean. I just gave up on the room with my second daughter.
I'm glad people are mentioning the separation issue because I think that's a big part of it. And with boys it seems to happen more often with their fathers.
I noticed one more thing in our family and that was the subtle spirit of competition that exists beneath the surface of mother-daughter relationships. At the time it was happening I was far to busy to have the insight about that but in later years reflecting on my own relationship with my mother I began to see it more clearly.
My daughter's forty-one now and we've gone through four decades of life changes for both of us. I nearly forget that some of that competition doesn't become completely resolved although it changes. In her teen years I was the (fairly) competent, self-assured role model that she was striving to be. Now, as she enters her prime and I enter early old age I can sense that the roles are beginning to switch in tone. And I think that's all as it should be, complete with the dash of dysfunction that is rarely avoided.
I hope it's useful to know that some of the mistakes I made during that transition have, over the years, taught me things about how to have a good relationship with my daughter. It's all a learning experience and we are never the same people we were the year before.
So I try not to carry much of the old baggage into each new meeting with her and I remember (oh, how I remember) not to say anything I'll regret.
And I do agree, having teen-aged children was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do!
It's old but read My Mother, Myself. It covers ago of the angst between mothers and daughters.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
