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Old 06-13-2014, 06:34 PM
 
3 posts, read 3,821 times
Reputation: 14

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Hi there. I am new here and worried about my daughter. Found out about this place from my sister and figured I give it shot and get some advice...

My daughter is 19 and whenever she isn't at work she is home all the time. She has no friends, never had a boyfriend, her social life is nonexistent. The only things she does is watch TV, read, write and wastes time on the computer. Nothing wrong with these things but they shouldn't be the ONLY things she does.

I tried to tell her to make friends with her co-workers and she just tells me no. When I ask why she says they aren't the kind of people she wants to be around. She says this about everyone! All throughout middle school, high school, whenever I'd suggest to invite a friend over she always has the same excuse. She says stuff like oh they're all the same, not her kind of people, etc.

I don't know what to do!! She wants to be alone all the time. At her age I was going out with my group of friends every night. I was never home. I started dating in 10th grade and here she is, graduated from high school and doesn't even have a guys number in her phone!

Has anyone else had this problem? How do I get her to be more social?
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Old 06-13-2014, 06:38 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,286,655 times
Reputation: 5565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boston05 View Post
Hi there. I am new here and worried about my daughter. Found out about this place from my sister and figured I give it shot and get some advice...

My daughter is 19 and whenever she isn't at work she is home all the time. She has no friends, never had a boyfriend, her social life is nonexistent. The only things she does is watch TV, read, write and wastes time on the computer. Nothing wrong with these things but they shouldn't be the ONLY things she does.

I tried to tell her to make friends with her co-workers and she just tells me no. When I ask why she says they aren't the kind of people she wants to be around. She says this about everyone! All throughout middle school, high school, whenever I'd suggest to invite a friend over she always has the same excuse. She says stuff like oh they're all the same, not her kind of people, etc.

I don't know what to do!! She wants to be alone all the time. At her age I was going out with my group of friends every night. I was never home. I started dating in 10th grade and here she is, graduated from high school and doesn't even have a guys number in her phone!

Has anyone else had this problem? How do I get her to be more social?


Is she going to school at all or working? How much time is she on the computer?
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Old 06-13-2014, 06:39 PM
 
13,981 posts, read 25,962,532 times
Reputation: 39926
You can't make her more social. Does she seems bothered by it? Is college in her future? She would probably benefit by getting out of her comfort zone, either through schooling, or working and moving out on her own.

There is nothing awful about being an introvert, unless it bothers the person who is one.
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Old 06-13-2014, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,748,754 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boston05 View Post
Hi there. I am new here and worried about my daughter. Found out about this place from my sister and figured I give it shot and get some advice...

My daughter is 19 and whenever she isn't at work she is home all the time. She has no friends, never had a boyfriend, her social life is nonexistent. The only things she does is watch TV, read, write and wastes time on the computer. Nothing wrong with these things but they shouldn't be the ONLY things she does.

I tried to tell her to make friends with her co-workers and she just tells me no. When I ask why she says they aren't the kind of people she wants to be around. She says this about everyone! All throughout middle school, high school, whenever I'd suggest to invite a friend over she always has the same excuse. She says stuff like oh they're all the same, not her kind of people, etc.

I don't know what to do!! She wants to be alone all the time. At her age I was going out with my group of friends every night. I was never home. I started dating in 10th grade and here she is, graduated from high school and doesn't even have a guys number in her phone!

Has anyone else had this problem? How do I get her to be more social?
Some people are just not social butterflies. And shock of all shocks, some people like their own company well enough to spend time alone

Unless she has given you reason to believe she is depressed or dealing with anxiety, don't push her to do anything.

Instead learn to encourage her to try some new things, maybe even signing up for something with her - like a volunteer activity.
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Old 06-13-2014, 06:52 PM
 
Location: Denver
4,564 posts, read 10,956,884 times
Reputation: 3947
I agree with what has been said. Just because she's not social like you were does not mean something is wrong with her. What are her plans for the future? If she only works and has no plan to go to college, then I would say moving out on her own would be a good thing.
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Old 06-13-2014, 07:19 PM
 
3 posts, read 3,821 times
Reputation: 14
She started working at a movie theatre a few months ago. When she comes home all she does is eat dinner and either watch TV or on her laptop. She is on her laptop a lot. She is always writing stories on there.

She does want to go to college but has no clue what she wants to study.
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Old 06-13-2014, 07:36 PM
 
Location: North America
14,204 posts, read 12,286,655 times
Reputation: 5565
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boston05 View Post
She started working at a movie theatre a few months ago. When she comes home all she does is eat dinner and either watch TV or on her laptop. She is on her laptop a lot. She is always writing stories on there.

She does want to go to college but has no clue what she wants to study.
Likely she gets her social experience from being online. Some people just prefer their friends on the internet. I wouldn't push her too much.
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Old 06-13-2014, 07:40 PM
 
32,516 posts, read 37,189,293 times
Reputation: 32581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boston05 View Post
She is on her laptop a lot. She is always writing stories on there.
Then she isn't "wasting time". She's creating something.

Writers are often introverts, BTW. The problem isn't that she's solitary. The problem is that she's not getting better at what she does and getting the education she needs. Community college would be a good place for her to start. She can take creative writing classes, journalism classes... She'll meet PLENTY of people in those classes and they'll be her kind of people. Encourage her. Don't expect her to do what you did. She's not you.

Last edited by DewDropInn; 06-13-2014 at 07:52 PM..
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Old 06-13-2014, 11:00 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,716,559 times
Reputation: 22474
I would like it less for a 19 year old to never be home and to have to go out with friends every night. If your daughter isn't unhappy, I'd leave her alone. It doesn't sound like she's got a real problem since she's working.
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Old 06-13-2014, 11:18 PM
 
Location: California
37,135 posts, read 42,228,838 times
Reputation: 35019
Do you know what kind of stories she is writing and what websites she spends time on? I'd want to know.
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