Neighbor kid using my son's ipad to look at naked pics (toddlers, girls)
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We just moved to the neighborhood and my son, 5, became fast friends with brothers, 4 & 9, who live behind us. I could tell something was off with the 9 year old. He's very rough. He's made my son cry numerous times, and even gave his brother a bloody nose and has a bad temper. They spend a lot of time here. One day we had two families over for a cookout. There were 7 kids ages 5-10, and then here comes the two brothers. We let them stay. After dinner the oldest girl comes down with my son's ipad and says the 9 yr old googled naked women pics and showed all the kids and we found out later, asked the two 5 yr old girls to kiss him while showing them the pics. I confirmed it by looking at the computer history then told him he had to leave. As he was leaving he yells at me, at which point in time I want to do something I'd go to jail for. I texted his dad. I got a I'm sorry this happened, I told him it's inappropriate and grounded him from his computer. My son missed the 4 yr old so I asked for just him to come over. Sure enough the next thing I know the 9 yr old is ringing the doorbell. He proceeds to tell me he didn't do it, blah blah. We say you're not being honest and you are no longer welcome here. I text the dad to ask if we can get together and talk about the situation and all I get is ok sounds good and no follow-up. Now when my son and the 4 yr old are playing, he stands right at our property line and acts out to get attention. I've tried talking to my 5 yr old, he just turned 5, but he doesn't get it. We've set all the parental controls up now on the computers, but I just don't want this kid at my house. How do I handle this situation? I really want my son to still be able to be friends with the younger brother.
Well you did learn one lesson, you must have adult filters on the Internet, if you have children in your home. Do your realize, the other parents can blame you for giving their child access to porn? Now you have to be diligent about sending the 9 year old home if he comes over to play.
You should be able to have only the 4 year old over. The other parents should keep the 9 year old home, and if they don't, just don't allow him to come over. It's your house!"I'm sorry, Tommy, this play date is just for the younger kids." And don't let them play with the ipad when other kids are over.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmauch13
I agree, I thought it was strange that my son clicked with the older one better. But I do think mentally this 9 yr old isn't 9, so I think that may be why. It was strange how the 9 yr old would "defend" my son and beat the crap out of his little brother if he made my son upset. There were several times we had to tell him "if you do that again, you're going home". They were always at my house and when they tried to go home, they were sent back over here to play, so I don't know what thedeal is over there.
You may have to be extra clear to the parents that the 9 year old can not play over at your house.
And, if you send the boys home and they just return on their own why didn't you just send them back home again or call the parents and say that playtime for the day is over? You may want to set up a new rule that playdates at set up by the parents. Even if they are close neighbors it usually isn't safe for four year olds to just be wandering around the neighborhood without being watched by an adult or much older sibling.
Last edited by germaine2626; 07-12-2014 at 05:38 PM..
I agree, I thought it was strange that my son clicked with the older one better. But I do think mentally this 9 yr old isn't 9, so I think that may be why. It was strange how the 9 yr old would "defend" my son and beat the crap out of his little brother if he made my son upset. There were several times we had to tell him "if you do that again, you're going home". They were always at my house and when they tried to go home, they were sent back over here to play, so I don't know what the deal is over there.
Let's see: you state that big brother seems mentally younger than his age, yet he has an interest in naked women (and possibly men). He regularly beats up his four year old brother, and is sent back over to your house by his parents if they try to go home, while his father seems less than concerned about meeting with you to discuss his older son's misuse of your son's iPad...
My hunch is that something is very wrong in these little boys' home. Parents want them out (where's the mother, btw? Have you spoken with her at all?), lots of physical conflict between two children of very different ages, a perhaps premature interest in online nudity (how did this boy even know it was there, much less how to find it, especially if he isn't nine mentally?)...very worrisome, particularly in combination.
Something - perhaps several things - are not right. These children certainly lack good parenting and parental supervision, and it could be much more than that.
I'd forget texting either of the boys' parents and just take myself over there unannounced, at a time when you know they are home. Be polite but firm - you need to talk with them, right now, convenient or not.
Take a good, discreet look around, and also see if you notice any odd smells. Could be a meth lab, substance abuse, prostitution or even child sexual abuse, could be a theft ring - or it could be just a family that's not very good at parenting. This goes far beyond the nine-year-old's misuse of your son's iPad and his lying about it - but it includes just how he misused the iPad.
Also, I'd put away that iPad for a while. There are better things for a five-year-old to play with - you being one of them. Try board games, imaginative play with model cars, trucks, stuffed toys, a trip to the playground with you pushing the swing or sharing the see-saw, taking a short trip to some local attraction that involves you with him...not activities which isolate him or require a screen (of any size). It's summertime - get him outdoors. Ride bikes, roller skate, find other children closer to his age to be playmates.
Good luck in dealing with this troubling situation.
I would just cut off ties with the family. If the 9 year old is disturbed and possibly interested in acting out some of what he has seen, the younger brother will become the target. Then, the younger brother will look for a target. Take your son to some activity where you can get to know the other parents and let him make friends among a familiar group with similar interests. It is unfortunate for the kids that the parents aren't taking an interest in the issues but your entire focus should be on the well-being of your son not to mention any visitors you might get that might be exposed to whatever the neighbors have going on.
Let's see: you state that big brother seems mentally younger than his age, yet he has an interest in naked women (and possibly men). He regularly beats up his four year old brother, and is sent back over to your house by his parents if they try to go home, while his father seems less than concerned about meeting with you to discuss his older son's misuse of your son's iPad...
My hunch is that something is very wrong in these little boys' home. Parents want them out (where's the mother, btw? Have you spoken with her at all?), lots of physical conflict between two children of very different ages, a perhaps premature interest in online nudity (how did this boy even know it was there, much less how to find it, especially if he isn't nine mentally?)...very worrisome, particularly in combination.
Something - perhaps several things - are not right. These children certainly lack good parenting and parental supervision, and it could be much more than that.
I'd forget texting either of the boys' parents and just take myself over there unannounced, at a time when you know they are home. Be polite but firm - you need to talk with them, right now, convenient or not.
Take a good, discreet look around, and also see if you notice any odd smells. Could be a meth lab, substance abuse, prostitution or even child sexual abuse, could be a theft ring - or it could be just a family that's not very good at parenting. This goes far beyond the nine-year-old's misuse of your son's iPad and his lying about it - but it includes just how he misused the iPad.
Also, I'd put away that iPad for a while. There are better things for a five-year-old to play with - you being one of them. Try board games, imaginative play with model cars, trucks, stuffed toys, a trip to the playground with you pushing the swing or sharing the see-saw, taking a short trip to some local attraction that involves you with him...not activities which isolate him or require a screen (of any size). It's summertime - get him outdoors. Ride bikes, roller skate, find other children closer to his age to be playmates.
Good luck in dealing with this troubling situation.
iPads and the bold are not mutually exclusive activities. There's nothing here to suggest the OP neglects to play/go places with her child or that he has other no stuff besides the ipad. It's not an all or nothing proposition. I'm not sure why people make that leap/assumption. Even in summer it's okay to have a quiet minute or two playing a game on a tablet.
Taking it away from the child is not a solution to this problem.
I would just cut off ties with the family. If the 9 year old is disturbed and possibly interested in acting out some of what he has seen, the younger brother will become the target. Then, the younger brother will look for a target. Take your son to some activity where you can get to know the other parents and let him make friends among a familiar group with similar interests. It is unfortunate for the kids that the parents aren't taking an interest in the issues but your entire focus should be on the well-being of your son not to mention any visitors you might get that might be exposed to whatever the neighbors have going on.
I agree with this, you don't want to risk the 9 year old, OR his brother, sexually abusing your child. I knew a couple kids growing up who were very open about the fact that a neighborhood kid sexually abused them, and their parents never knew.
No 5 year old should have their own iPad. And the OP did not do a good job of parenting by letting all those older kids play in her house unsupervised. I realize she does not like this feedback but she put herself out there asking for opinions, so there it is. Take it or leave it.
As a teacher, I can say that we've let 5 year olds play with tablets in school. There are some really good math and letters apps out there. Letting your 5 year old son or daughter play with a tablet does not mean that you are a bad parent or that you never do anything fun with your child. Sometimes, you need those couple of minutes to write out the bills or to cook supper, and sometimes it is easier to set the child down in a seat nearby to play a game on the tablet. So, please lighten up some on the OP and whether or not her child has access to a tablet.
OP--You do not have to allow the 9 year old to play in your home, and if he stands at the property line and wants to play while your son and the little brother are playing, then go inside your home. Or take the children to a nearby park to get away from this older boy.
But I agree...something is OFF about the behavior of this child. Interest in naked women at his age implies that the child has seen or been exposed to something he should not have been. And it is odd that if you send them home, they seem to come right back over, like the parents are trying to pawn them off on someone else. An unexpected visit can perhaps enlighten you as to what is going on in their home, OR you could also contact DHS and ask them to perform a well-child visit. DHS would come and make sure everything is on the up-and-up. But only contact DHS if you are seriously concerned; DHS could be overkill if there is truly nothing going on. And by all means, make sure your son has NO unsupervised contact with either boy, especially because the younger one could have also been exposed to whatever the older one has.
No 5 year old should have their own iPad. And the OP did not do a good job of parenting by letting all those older kids play in her house unsupervised. I realize she does not like this feedback but she put herself out there asking for opinions, so there it is. Take it or leave it.
I'll leave it, thanks. Actually the three moms were downstairs cleaning up from dinner. The kids were upstairs for about five minutes when it happened. Maybe next time neighbors come over I'll just tell them to leave their older kids at home by themselves. Good idea?
Being judge mental will get you nowhere in life. I'm a damn good mother and don't need to defend myself to you or anyone else. Have a nice day
I didn't say you were a bad mother. I actually didn't know if you were the mother or father....
What I do know is that you are defensive. The reality is that good thing there wasn't a gun in the home! Leaving that many children of different ages alone unsupervised is a recipe for disaster.
Take my opinions lightly and chillax.....this is just an internet forum and I'm not a social worker.
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