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Hello - I am a very new member of this forum and hope to get constructive feedback on a dilemma my husband and I have been having. He has a DD and I have a DD - mine is gay and 16 and has a wonderful girlfriend. My husband's DD is 12 and he does not want her to be exposed to gay teen sleeping together as that might give her a message she would hook up with a boy in high school and then possibly get pregnant. I say to him my DD has been open and upfront and asked if it was okay for her and her girlfriend to sleep over whenever her girlfriend comes to visit (she lives in another state, about an hour and half away). I told my husband he needs to sit down and talk with his DD about all of this and it has been sending mixed messages to my DD and her girlfriend. My DD and her girlfriend behave very appropriately and use her bedroom in privacy at night, but my husband fears this is sending a message to his DD it is okay to sleep around. Any feedback? Thanks.
Your husband is absolutely right; it doesn't matter if she's gay or not, she should not be having sleepovers at 16 years old. Just because your daughter can't get pregnant isn't the issue here. What are you thinking?!
Thank you! All of this is relatively new territory for my husband and I with my DD as this is very recent. To the poster who asked if I was okay with my DD being intimate with her gf, I advised her I did not want to see any intimate behavior in front of me or my husband. It would apply the same principle if she was dating a guy. Gay or straight.
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If it's all new to you, FYI Lesbians are intense
Hence the common "U-Haul" joke. (that women tend to move in together quickly)
It's all good. Plus it makes it even more romantic to a kid when their significant other is not local.
There's also a bit of radfem going on now. (radical feminism). Being mad. Anti-men. Anti gay men especially. A LONG list haha.
Try and keep her out of all that and upbeat and positive if you can. She's in a very confusing culture and the internet fans the flames.
Hence the common "U-Haul" joke. (that women tend to move in together quickly)
It's all good. Plus it makes it even more romantic to a kid when their significant other is not local.
There's also a bit of radfem going on now. (radical feminism). Being mad. Anti-men. Anti gay men especially. A LONG list haha.
Try and keep her out of all that and upbeat and positive if you can. She's in a very confusing culture and the internet fans the flames.
Thanks :-) The bottom line is having a younger child at home and dealing with a gay teen DD and her out of town girlfriend - since DD came up to me (someone told me that she was very brave coming up to me telling about herself and that I had to keep an open mind and not be judgmental) and talked to me. All of this is very recent and the effect on my husband's DD has been minimal to my husband's relief. He does support LGBT rights just when it comes to sleepovers, that is a another thing. I personally will not force my DD to be straight or gay, her sexual orientation is her own as long as she does well in school and has a healthy circle of friends which she does. She recently applied to a number of part time jobs and one is interested in hiring her.
I personally know of someone who has a gay DD and has allowed sleepovers in her own home
My thoughts too, if your 16 year old daughter brought a teenage boy home would you allow them to share a bed and sex in your home.
I know young teens are experiencing intimate relationships but at 16 not under my roof especially with a 12 year old in the home.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a problem with this! No way would my parents would've let me have a guy sleepover. Over for dinner? Sure. Family BBQ? Sure.
(someone told me that she was very brave coming up to me telling about herself and that I had to keep an open mind and not be judgmental)
...as long as you remember that "not being judgmental" is not the same as "let her do whatever the heck she wants so I do not appear to be quashing her gayness."
You are still her mom, and it is still your job to guide her decisions toward the healthy side. Doing that is not the same thing as judging.
NO - another parent who has a gay teen DD (not me) and has allowed sleepovers in her own home -- we have not encouraged regular sleepovers as this is very new to us and we have just had the discussion with my DD.
Quoting you: "My DD and her girlfriend behave very appropriately and use her bedroom in privacy at night, but my husband fears this is sending a message to his DD it is okay to sleep around."
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