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I agree with the last two posts. You neglected to reveal in your initial post that the daughter will NOT be moving in with you and your girlfriend. Where is she going to be? How far away will you be living? It will be really awful for the 12 year old to be "traveling back and forth". Ugh.... And she absolutely will think that her Mom has chosen you over her.
The child always has to come first. If you can't handle that, then this isn't the relationship for you. This plan is bad for the child.
You seem to be trying, and to be thoughtful, but I do think that you are still young and a little bit inexperienced. I suspect you are in for a rough ride, and that you wont be listening to our suggestions anyway.
Where is the daughter going to be when your GF is visiting you? Is she moving in with her father or grandparents? How long will she be separated from her mother?
It sounds like you are planning some very big changes for the girl, in addition to you and GF moving in together. That pleasant 12-year-old is due to change into a moody teenager any day. If you add possible anger, resentment and frustration from one or more moves, good luck.
Father non-existent, skipped town and cut contact before she was born.
They live with the mom/grandmother and she will be staying with them. The daughter understands the situation and is also excited about coming someday. While it could be difficult, it will still be good for her.
Wait... so how long is this arrangement supposed to last? That is a bit messed up. The daughter has to go live with Grandma because Mom wants to move her bf in???
I'm not sure what you mean by online relationship. Right now we are living far apart, but we met in person and majority of the relationship has been us together. I had to move back to my home state for work.
Wait... so how long is this arrangement supposed to last? That is a bit messed up. The daughter has to go live with Grandma because Mom wants to move her bf in???
Father non-existent, skipped town and cut contact before she was born.
They live with the mom/grandmother and she will be staying with them. The daughter understands the situation and is also excited about coming someday. While it could be difficult, it will still be good for her.
I understand that you asked for parenting advice and not relationship advice. But what you and your GF do will have a huge impact on the daughter. I would have been miserable at 12 if my mother moved far away from me to live with a BF. Especially so if my father had already abandoned me.
Why do you think it will be good for her? If she's already happy and has stable supportive relationships where she lives, it might not be at all "good for her" to have that disrupted.
Why do you think it will be good for her? If she's already happy and has stable supportive relationships where she lives, it might not be at all "good for her" to have that disrupted.
Because she will have a real family and a guy who cares for her.
Would you care to clarify then? From what I understand, the 12 year old will be living with grandma while you and Mom live together - either you moving in with her or vice versa.
Would you care to clarify then? From what I understand, the 12 year old will be living with grandma while you and Mom live together - either you moving in with her or vice versa.
They all already live together, the mom will be coming here to stay, then going back there for a while and then coming back here.
We've been together over a year, but we don't want to get married after just one year precisely because of the daughter. We want to spend more time living together and making sure everything goes smoothly.
It's a very good relationship, we get along very well and is something worth fighting for.
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