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Because everyone else is happy with the current situation. Look, it sucks that this kid's parents were blowing smoke up his a**, but it's time for them to come clean, take the blame and set reasonable boundaries. At this point, they are going to interfere with the happiness of the other children and their own preferences to make the middle kid happy. Um, no, that's just nuts.
But this has to be fake. Otherwise, I can't understand how these numbskulls have held on to their obvious wealth for so long.
I agree. If it were me, I would come clean and apologize for making a promise and going back on it and thats that; no point in moving. They should have been upfront about it from the beginning. But OP seems to be very rich. he doesnt have problem moving anywhere it looks like, bribing Porche etc! So clearly, money is not the problem here.
I'm not sure that this post is real but on the off chance it is, why are you letting a child rule your household? As the parent it's your job to give your child a safe,secure and loving home with stability and discipline. Why are you bribing him to do anything you are the parent not the child put your foot down and tell him NO.
The problem is they made a promise.Apparently the child kept his part of the deal.
If your kid has been doing everything you required to be able to go back north for high school, he is going to hate you if you go back on your promise now.
The situation is ludicrous to begin with, but do you want to risk losing a relationship with your kid just because you were stupid to make the deal in the first place?
Boarding school is the only reasonable option.
And stop bribing your kids. Start teaching them how to discern what is right and wrong without financial compensation. Jeesh.
I'm sorry but you're life should not be revolving around the whims of teenagers. You should have just called a family meeting, told them you were moving and let that be the end of it. Families have to move all the time, kids adjust and life goes on.
I guess OP forgot that he's the parent. When the first move came up, you should have said, "Kids, this is what we're doing," and made it a decree, not a choice for the kids to make.
I grew up in a military family. We moved every 3-4 years whether I liked it or not. I was never given a choice. It worked out fine for me in the end. In 2006 my husband and I moved from NJ to SC and certainly didn't run it by the kids to make sure they were okay with it. We just did it.
Also, you need to tell your middle child Thomas Wolfe's phrase "you can't go home again." Sure, physically you can move back, but his friends will have moved on to other things in the duration, and your middle child will have issues with fitting in all over again because he's a completely different person as well and didn't "grow up" with his original friends.
If this post is real, you've really screwed the pooch on this one - either way you go, you'll have a miserable child in your household. All because you let your kid be the final decisionmaker five years ago AND today as well.
If your kid has been doing everything you required to be able to go back north for high school, he is going to hate you if you go back on your promise now.
The situation is ludicrous to begin with, but do you want to risk losing a relationship with your kid just because you were stupid to make the deal in the first place?
Boarding school is the only reasonable option.
And stop bribing your kids. Start teaching them how to discern what is right and wrong without financial compensation. Jeesh.
I was going to recommend boarding school as well - but imagine THAT conversation.
Dad: "Son, we're going to let you go North for high school."
Son" YAY!"
Dad: "Unfortunately, we are not moving with you - you'll be by yourself."
Son: "Uh....yay?"
Dad: "We're sending you to boarding school since you'll be by yourself."
Son: "Uh...."
Dad: "As a result you probably won't get to see your friends that you are moving back to be near since you'll be living full-time at the boarding school."
a) I telecommute from a home office now with occasional trips elsewhere, so it doesn't matter where I am. Wife's in a super employable medical field in demand, so that's not really an issue.
b) My wife got really badly burned by a move when she was a kid and insisted on buy in from the kids if the move was optional. She's a huge believer in stability for the kids.
c) I feel compelled to defend Middle; he's been super patient and gracious throughout the whole process, and could have simply said no at the beginning. He only said yes to make us as parents happy, and I'm pretty sure that most kids his age would not have done that. Also, lest you think he's snobbish and entitled, the boarding school and car ideas were ours. He doesn't want the first precisely because he's met a few of those types of kids and couldn't stand them, as for the car, a used 944 in good shape costs a lot less than you'd think....
One of the conditions of the deal was that he did have to try to integrate, which he did really well right until the wheels fell off and that wasn't his fault. As to the cultural fit, it was never really going to work, but you can tell he at least tried hard at it. He's only had one disciplinary problem, and that was in the first two weeks he got here and was actually one of the most laughable things we've ever seen.
d) I had to make a quick business trip up to Boston this week, and last night the wife talked to Youngest about the possibility we might move for the first time. She said he's actually less opposed than you'd think, as he's about to have to switch school anyways and likes the idea of living in a bigger city. Maybe this works out okay.....
When we move we use a small bribe to make our child happy. They were things we likely would have gotten anyways...a swing set, a cat, and redoing her room from babyish to tween.
Now that you have made a promise you have to decide if you want to break the promise or keep it.
I suggest sending him to boarding school up north, finding a family you trust to take him in, or one of you live up there for the three years.
Getting a small apartment and one parent goes up north until he's 18, isn't too bad. You can spend every other weekend together and holidays/ summer.
One other clarification I should make, as people seem to be getting caught up on it. We didn't actually offer him a Porsche straight up; we did offer him a car budget equivalent to the cost of a new Nissan Versa (the cheapest new car you can buy). He just happens to be a Porsche fan (apple doesn't fall far from the tree).
Now time to take Youngest out to Barnes & Noble and have a talk along the way.
Last edited by carrerafan; 12-30-2014 at 01:31 PM..
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