Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Cutting and hard core drugs use bad boyfriends and the general course of embracing self destruction is sometimes a mental disorder and other times it's a distraction process from a really bad memory or memories. I would tread softly but I would definitely tread quickly. Therapy should have never stopped from the point of her med prescription till now. Depression meds need to be tweaked and to do that correctly she needs a regular cycle of Psychiatrist visits. Could be weekly, biweekly, monthly, even every other month, but there must be some type of professional monitoring in place. Some things are about parenting and sometimes the lesson is asking for help. I wouldn't mention the diary as that diary is the key to knowing what your real concerns should be. Let her keep thinking it's private it's a great way to monitor the truth. Tell your 18 year old to stay out of the diary for fear of what she may read. Get her to a better doctor than the one who wrote the script and didn't see the need to see her anymore. Tell her maintenance requirement tell the doctor to start his therapy off with half an hour and build from there so it won't feel like a hassle or send that "your broken" message that many kids wind up feeling. I thought many of those medications require blood work analysis...no? Talks of suicide are actually common side effects from depression meds (crazy right) if that helps but it doesn't devalue the possibility of it being real. So me personally, I would get her to a doctor ASAP! and compare my talks with her and her doctor against what I read in that diary. The boyfriend is clearly a sign of her current state of mind and the worst thing to add to depression is drugs. I'm a guy so I won't say how I'd react to another man getting my daughter high and "dating" her. Sorry, I'm way too old school for that. I don't condone violence but I would call the cops every time he was near my daughter or my home. If my daughter wound up in jail because of him then so be it. I think it's important to make that guy the reason for the obvious rift between your whole family. That "boyfriend" wouldn't be able to set foot in my house or near my daughter without very loud objections right in front of the idiot! Bad advice? Maybe, but that whole family love concept isn't supposed to let people outside of it cause harm to it's members and still be welcomed! NOWAY!!
I'm sorry you're going through this. The little sister reading her sister's diary was a bit of a no-no, but it comes from a place of love and concern, so I'll give her a pass, because it gives you a window into what the 20-year-old is experiencing.
Forced therapy is rarely effective. Patients can stonewall and basically become a lump on a log if they aren't at least somewhat invested in the process. I think, as a parent, I would take out the part of "ruin our relationship forever." Honey, the drugs have already ruined your relationship -- she's lying to you, flouting your house rules and and engaging in all sorts of self-destructive behaviors. Right now, your entire relationship is based on the lie that she has presented to you as a normal young adult going through some minor emotional ups and downs. How can you have a real relationship with someone when they aren't being honest with you?
So -- save the fake relationship? (i.e., keep kidding yourself that everything will turn out ok once she "grows out of this phase") or save up money for a funeral? Your choice. Personally, I'd confront her with it. Yes, she'll be angry. And she'll get over it, once she's cleaned up and understands that it was a one-time thing that was based on a very deep fear of losing her. And I'd be honest about it -- as honest as you want her to be with you.
Tell you what -- why don't you talk to a substance abuse counselor first? Tell them what you've found, and ask them for suggestions on how to handle it. S/he can suggest how to structure an intervention, or give you some ideas on how to encourage her to seek help. She's over 18, so there's health privacy laws in place that can hamper your efforts a bit -- i.e., you can't force her into therapy. But with help, you can make therapy seem like a logical next step.
I can tell you that my life was very similar to hers at that age and the alcohol, cutting, and horrible boyfriend were all my way of trying to self medicate. It wasn't until a few good friends had me commited and put on the right meds and got me in with a therapist that I even relized any of it. When your depressed it's so hard to think rationally. I was very angry that my friends would do something like that to me at the time. Now I'm very thankful that they cared that much. I say confront her and force her to get help any way you can it's worth it even if she is mad. When she starts feeling better I think she'll be greatful.
If you're paying for college, tell her you're done doing so until she gets help.
I suspect the best thing to do though would be to consult with a family therapist who can guide you through staging an intervention.
I think these are both good ideas. The problem is how far down is she already. Only the parents really know. I would be scared that taking anything from her at this point might be in her eyes the last straw and suicide could follow.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
