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Okay, let's parse that. Would you allow your fifth grader to drive your car to the grocery and back or to stay home alone while you and your spouse go away for a weekend of romance? Of course not! (Well, maybe some of you would, but stay with me here.)
As parents, we stage our children's journey to independence. We use baby gates when they're first mobile to keep them from tumbling down a stairwell. We allow them to play within eyesight in a fenced backyard when they become toddlers. We walk them to school as preschoolers and kindergarteners, teaching them to look both ways before crossing the street. As they grow a little older, we allow them to bike to a friend's house where another adult is expecting them. When they head to middle school, we give them a bit more freedom by sending them to the corner market to buy some candy or by leaving them at home while we run a few errands. At twelve, they start babysitting for younger siblings or neighborhood children for a couple of hours at a time.
I'm being wordy, but I'm sure you get the point, which is that we absolutely do not leave them without supervision until we are certain that they are capable of handling themselves. Internet-enabled devices require the same sort of scaffolding. At first, we fence out the potential dangers. We provide kids with basic phones and white list their contacts. Later, we allow them to add their friends' numbers and give them texting privileges, and we see how they do with that. A couple of years later, we provide a smart phone with restricted access and a child-safe browser. And so on and so forth until we feel comfortable letting them go it alone.
I will never understand those who think that it's perfectly okay to hand a fully-enabled iPhone or MacBook to an elementary-schooler, thinking they'll just talk their way through issues as they arise. God, no! Children need firm boundaries in all aspects of their lives, and that includes technology. Perhaps especially technology. That's my $.02. Do with it what you will.
I think this is worth repeating.
Thankfully, when my kids were in school, smartphones, while popular, weren't omnipresent. They did not get them until college - when they could pay for the upgrade to include a data plan. We had one family computer as well. Laptops and tablets were not something our kids had regularly available. Yes, I know they could use other people's devices - and we had conversations regarding social media etc. But not having a device of their own, available at any time certainly limited their online presence and participation.
Wow, thanks to the "techie" posters here! I'm still here taking it all in and am going to talk all of this over with my husband. I think a lot of people will benefit from the combined knowledge imparted on this thread.
yes, Facebook does make frequent changes to security and privacy settings, however, this is usually updates regarding the strengthening of security and privacy rather than the other way around. and they usually send out an email, or have a small message pop-up the next time you log in, describing the changes.
believe it or not, FB used to be a lot worse, the "Technical Help / Security / Safety" section of the website used to be riddled with bugs and broken links. nowadays they have clear cut privacy and security descriptions wherever data can be inputted on the website.
Her laptop homework should be done in the public space of the house - i.e. with you present, in the family room. And her laptop should NOT be in her bedroom when she is alone there.
Kidlet's smart phone was replaced with a flip phone. If the school will not restrict access on the computer the only left to do is that it be used only in your presence. A pain, but what isn't.
We are going through something similar, but different with 13 year old. He was sneaking stuff, bad grades, etc. We are now a dictator household and he has no rights until he re-earns them. Unfortunately that is like punishing us also.
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I think that as long as you monitor the pictures she uploads it would be okay. If your worry is that strangers/creeps will see her picture, all you have to do is make her account private, and so only her friends would be able to see the uploads. A rule you could set is that her followers must be pre-approved by you before she accepts them.
Okay, let's parse that. Would you allow your fifth grader to drive your car to the grocery and back or to stay home alone while you and your spouse go away for a weekend of romance? Of course not! (Well, maybe some of you would, but stay with me here.)
As parents, we stage our children's journey to independence. We use baby gates when they're first mobile to keep them from tumbling down a stairwell. We allow them to play within eyesight in a fenced backyard when they become toddlers. We walk them to school as preschoolers and kindergarteners, teaching them to look both ways before crossing the street. As they grow a little older, we allow them to bike to a friend's house where another adult is expecting them. When they head to middle school, we give them a bit more freedom by sending them to the corner market to buy some candy or by leaving them at home while we run a few errands. At twelve, they start babysitting for younger siblings or neighborhood children for a couple of hours at a time.
I'm being wordy, but I'm sure you get the point, which is that we absolutely do not leave them without supervision until we are certain that they are capable of handling themselves. Internet-enabled devices require the same sort of scaffolding. At first, we fence out the potential dangers. We provide kids with basic phones and white list their contacts. Later, we allow them to add their friends' numbers and give them texting privileges, and we see how they do with that. A couple of years later, we provide a smart phone with restricted access and a child-safe browser. And so on and so forth until we feel comfortable letting them go it alone.
I will never understand those who think that it's perfectly okay to hand a fully-enabled iPhone or MacBook to an elementary-schooler, thinking they'll just talk their way through issues as they arise. God, no! Children need firm boundaries in all aspects of their lives, and that includes technology. Perhaps especially technology. That's my $.02. Do with it what you will.
I had the same problem. I've bought my 13 year-old daughter a laptop and didn't even thought what problems it will make! I also checked her activities in the Internet, talked a lot about things I didn't like there. But teenagers don't understand this! I decided to download a parental control program. Now my daughter knows that I'll get to know about all her activities in the Internet and she uses it only in limited ways. She knows that she'll be punished and won't be able to use her laptop at all if there is anything I don't like. It helped me. Hope it'll help somebody else! I downloaded the program here - http://www.refog.com/
I'm just afraid that removal of the phone won't fully solve the problem. As mentioned above, she has the capacity to do everything on the laptop that she can do on the phone. Of course, I can restrict usage of the computer to downstairs only and within my eyesight, but unless I'm actually sitting next to her the whole time (who really has time to do that?), she can sneak around on there too. She's not quite savvy enough to erase her browsing history yet, but she'll probably catch onto that soon.
I didn't read all of the replies, but why not just have her open the apps she needs for school on the laptop, then shut down her wifi? Turn it back on for her to submit, then turn it back off again. Do this until you can trust her to not access sites that you've said no to.
My 12- and 14-year-olds both have phones, but they know that we will check them periodically to see what they're up to. In this age of digital freedom, that's what parents need to do. If your daughter requires more supervision than that, then there's really no other option than to have her use her electronics only when you're available to watch her. If you're not available too often, well, too bad for her.
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