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I beg to differ. A temporary removal from all that will fix everything.
Kids grow so fast...in 6 months, all of this will be forgotten. Parents are actually afraid of their kids, of 'harming' their social lives. That is NUTS. You don't need any type of "phone" to have a social life, esp at 12-13 years old. Kids always manage to find and befriend each other. A change of scenery is just what this young lady needs. OP - get her a flip phone for 6 months!
By next fall, when school starts again, return the smart phone. This girl will be a good deal more mature, and so will her friends. Nobody will be 'ruining' anything for her...just saving the poor kid some grief!
I'm not sure how old your kids are, but as the mother of a 16-year-old girl I know that kids absolutely do need a phone and access to social media to have a social life. Also, teachers, coaches and organizations communicate with team members via text and Facebook. If you don't have access to those things, you won't get the information. Kids rarely talk on the phone--it's all text, instagram and snapchat and to a lesser extent, Facebook.
Don't take the iPhone away from her because you are not punishing her. She does need a phone in case these future Wal-Mart or ChuckieCheese brawlers in training decide to get physical with her, which seems to be happening all too often these days, even in very affluent communities.
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Originally Posted by AnnaNomus
I don't agree with taking away the girl's social media access, or taking her out of the activities she enjoys just because of the bullies participation. She didn't do anything wrong, so why should she be punished? But this girl has done nothing to deserve to lose her iPhone and activities.
I am assuming that a lot of the people who are saying "don't take away her phone, don't punish her" are younger. People who can not imagine life without Twitter, texting, Facebook, etc.
Taking away the iPhone is not punishment, it is the idea that she is too young to have a phone that has the capabilities that it does and that she is too young and immature (as are all 12 & 13 year olds, not just her).
The abuses of technology by kids is shocking and a lot of parents choose to bury their heads and ignore it. In one of the towns I live in the bury your head in the sand was fine until a 15 year old girl from the high school had the nude pictures of her that she had sent her boyfriend were splashed all over the Internet when she broke up with the boy. The magnitude of this can not be understated and in a small community has had far reaching implications up to and including the involvement of federal law enforcement. Teens with unbridled technology is a very dangerous combination.
Cell phones are great for safety, but they don't need to be smartphones.
Homeschooling isn't the answer either. You can not insulate your child from the real world, you have to monitor them in the real world and provide guidance as needed.
Just my two cents, but I've raised kids and been involved in education and youth issues for a very long time. One problem I see with parents as the first kids hit young adulthood (this 12-13 age range) is that they think of their kids as "their baby" still. They have this image in their mind of the growing and maturing teen as a 7 or 8 year still. They don't understand the issues and pressures the young adult is facing.
Teens today have exposure to things that I had no idea about until I was in college or even later. It scares me to death when I have conversations with teens and they tell me what goes on in their world and what they are seeing, experiencing and the questions they ask me.
It sounds like the OP has a handle on some of it already, but I wouldn't stop there.
You may want to have your daughter print off the picture prior to deleting. This was a part of her life when she had good times with those friends but things change and so do people. Depending on the level of bullying and if it is impacting your daughter you as a parent have done the right thing by getting involved. Let your daughter know that people change and her friends do also enjoy the fun times you have with them since it may not always be there. There will be many more friends coming her way to have fun times with and some of those that have wronged her may come back to friends again keep her heart open to that possibility.
What the bullying girl is doing is wrong and your daughter had nothing do with it. Children do not understand what they are texting is written documentation and at this point in time can be kept for a very long time and used against them later on. Parents think it is children just being children however parents do not realize they have created a very long paper trail for children. The sad thing is that there is no disconnect from the bullying anymore. Before kids could come home and find sanctuary from the bullying in their house. Some kids do not know how to disconnect and leave it behind at school or where ever and not pay attention to it since it is their world. Kids do not understand that there are so many more people/friends to meet in this world as they get older they only think of the here and now.
Assure your daughter that this will pass and your family and her will make sure it does. Taking away the phone will not change the bullying, moving, going to a different school will not either. The bullies will find her and keep on tormenting her. You can however let her know that when she comes home the cell phone needs to disconnect from her and be put in your bedroom away from her attention if she cannot handle it. At that age I don't know if I could take the constant bullying like these kids do to each other every day including weekends.
Yes you're right as hard as it is to get her off her iphone. It seems to be one girl who is running the show and who is after my daughter. My wife wants to contact her mother but daughter does not want her to do that.
I'm sorry, what? Are you the parent, or is she? Do you pay for the phone, or does she?
My husband and I were just talking about this last night. Whatever happened to telling kids that unless you are physically attacked, words can't hurt you. Yes, when you're young and highly emotional, you think they do. But in reality, they don't.
We were all bullied. It's how you deal with it that matters. Cut off contact. Have your daughter ignore the girl. How hard is that?
Yes you're both right but my daughter is afraid of the ramifications. These girls are all on the same soccer team and the cast of the school play. These girls are mean to the core - not just on their phones but they won't sit with her at the lunch table which has been the same for the last two years.
So what? And the bigger question is why, after 2 years, does your daughter still want to sit with them?
Your daughter won't like it, but maybe you should talk to these other girls' parents, maybe they can give you some insight. It's also highly likely that these parents won't know, though. Especially since these girls are the aggressors.
Thanks so much for all your replies and advice. We've approached the guidance counselor at her school without mentioning names and she is going to speak to our daughter directly for more information. My daughter has blocked the four girls from her phone. Her wallpaper on her phone is a picture of the 5 of them together heading out to the 6th grade dance last June. All smiles and arms around each other. She's deleted the photo. She wants to stick with the play and soccer and luckily with both there are other girls she can interact with though they're not her good friends.
Spring break is in a few weeks and we are going on vacation - before this all transpired we actually considered taking a couple of the girls with us. Not.
It sounds alot like you are raising your kids in an isolated world where everybody is nice and friendly. This type of thing happens in urban and suburban areas alike and ur just realzing this now . What did you expect when having kids, they would never have to stand up for themselves?
Don't know what to tell u, put your daighter in a karate class or something and tell her to smack the first person that has a problem. Its an aggressive world out there and crying about things is not gonna help.
my suggestion is print everything off what you have and let the bullys parents look at it and see what their snowflake has been doing to other kids and you want a stop put to it pronto and if they cant control their kid tell them you are sure social services can and you will turn their name into them for being unfit parents . Parents who cannot control their kids are just that unfit . They don't like it too bad . They are responsible for what their child does until the age of 18 and someone needs to remind them of that .I used to be known as the B*tch of the neighborhood cause I was a motivated parent . Your kid wants to bully mine expect a housecall end of story and control your kid or face cps getting involved . Be the confrontational parent , who the h*ll cares what anybody else thinks . At least they will know to leave you and your family alone .
Last edited by phonelady61; 04-07-2015 at 03:34 PM..
Reason: spelling
I've read all of the posts here and some are really good. I've also read 1 or 2 that sound like they might be the bully's parents. (children learn what they live)
My age is gonna show here and most of you won't like it, but.... I think the next time that bully witch says something to your daughter, I bet if she went bat poo crazy and punched that smart arse brat right in her big pie hole, she might think twice before she starts on someone else. That's how it was handled in the olden days. You daughter will have earned the couple of days off she'll get for it.
My Wife is a guidance counselor in a middle school. Middle schoolers a BRUTAL!!!
Do you have a relationship with the guidance counselor? IT might be prudent to let her/him know what's going on. This is one of my Wife's pet issues. She runs an anti-bullying program and groups at her school. Just to let her know there is a safe place she can go and vent, I would open up communications with the school and let them know what is going on.
I couldn't imagine being a kid in this day and age. We need to give them all the support we can.
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. What did you expect when having kids, they would never have to stand up for themselves? 
