Grandmother does not follow instructions: (day care, method, infant, toys)
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I am seeking advice conerning a grandmother that refuses to follow our wishes/instructions with our child. It doesn't matter if we are present or when she babysits. When she does follow instructions, it comes with a lot of verbal resistance and judgement about our policies. I wouldn't be as concerned if she only saw our child every now and then, but she sees her often. I am trying to figure out if I am being too demanding or should I chill out a little.
Some examples are no screen time whatsoever, no toys while eating, and only approved foods. Our child is 9 months.
We do use a paid babysitter and she follows instructions to the letter. Trying to figure out what to do with the grandmother, and to possibly do so diplomatically without hurting feelings. I fully understand that I can deny her unsupervised visits, but hoping to see if someone else has struggled with this. But thanks for your thoughtful input.
I'm a grandmother, and I do what my daughter asks me to do. That's because I want to be able to see my grandkids. I would stop her from seeing them for awhile, and explain why. Maybe if she's had a time away from them and misses them, she will do what you ask so she can be with them.
Grandma is going to do exactly what she wants with her grandchild. She raised you (or your spouse) and you turned out fine, so she figures she knows what she's doing.
If you want someone who you can control exactly, pay a babysitter. Then they will do exactly what you want while you're there and tell you they did what you wanted when you weren't there, while really doing what they think is best or what worked for their kids.
In real life, there's a balance between what really works and what you read that is best for baby. As your child grows and develops more of a personality, you'll realize that she's an individual and that parenting books are one-method-fits-all, so you'll pick and choose what works for your child and your family. So the arbitrary rules that you're following now and wanting Grandma to follow may go by the wayside later on. It's probably not worth making a huge family drama out of it.
The only things I would be absolutely strict about is not smoking around my kids and making sure they're in the carseat during car trips. If your child has food allergies, that would be another sticking point. Other than that, getting away with a few extra things because they're with Grandma is a beautiful thing and does no damage in the long run.
Are you supplying the Approved Food for her to use?
Screen Time? Does that mean Grandma can not hold the Baby while GM watches TV? Or Put baby in playpen, and watch TV, Be on computer while Baby is sleeping, or playing?
No approved foods is a biggie for that age group, especially if food allergies run in your family, and definitely when it comes to choking hazards. So is carseat usage. In my book, those are non-negotiables.
Otherwise, give Grandma a break. Good grief. The baby will not be harmed by jiggling a set of baby keys while eating pureed squash or by catching a glimpse of Teletubbies. You can only control so much in your child's life, and whether your mom/mom-in-law has the TV on or whether the kid is allowed to drink from a bottle while scribbling are extremely trivial things and not worth getting upset about.
I am seeking advice conerning a grandmother that refuses to follow our wishes/instructions with our child. It doesn't matter if we are present or when she babysits. When she does follow instructions, it comes with a lot of verbal resistance and judgement about our policies. I wouldn't be as concerned if she only saw our child every now and then, but she sees her often. I am trying to figure out if I am being too demanding or should I chill out a little.
Some examples are no screen time whatsoever, no toys while eating, and only approved foods. Our child is 9 months.
Thanks in advance.
It is hard to tell from your brief post who is the problem.
Sometimes first time parents can be a little too "over protective" and "demanding".
When my grandson was born, his parents (my son and daughter-in-law) basically did not trust anyone around their child.
I am certainly not saying that I am a perfect person, but I raised two children, have a master's degree in early childhood development, taught young children for 30 years in a public school, taught parents of birth to two year olds how to parent for several years, give in-services to other teachers & day care professionals on child development, have up to date, current certifications in infant & child CPR & first aid and it is very common for friends, co-workers and relatives to come to me with their child rearing questions. BTW, I do not drink, smoke or have health problems that effect my ability to babysit.
So, the first time that I babysat my 1 year old grandson for a few hours, my son & DIL, insisted that my DIL's parents stay with me the entire time "to watch me in case I had trouble and did not know what to do" (even though, I teach other new parents what to do) Her parents and I laughed about it privately but I complied. Later, I was "allowed" to babysit on my own.
OTOH, some grandparents are out of touch with current child rearing strategies. And some grandparents may try to feed steak or real honey or whole grapes to a 9 month old. So you do have to be careful.
Does grandma let Little Baby watch a fun 5 minute Baby Einstein video or sit him in front of the TV for two hours? Does she give him grossly inappropriate foods or maybe a tiny taste of something new? Does she openly criticize what you and your spouse decided to do or simply point out, "you could try doing this instead"? There is a lot of difference between those things.
So, maybe you are too demanding and should chill out a little and maybe not.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-06-2015 at 12:26 PM..
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