Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Your argument relies on the premise that the children don't actually want to play the sports they are signed up for. I already suggested Dad ask them about that.
Dad can work around the sports. He can volunteer for a role with the team. He can look into programs closer to his home. And games do not take entire days.
And again your argument relies on the fact that Dad make all the concessions and Mom does nothing but signs them up for more to take more of his time and does not take responsibility in her role of taking this time from him.
Why no reprimand for Mom? Why not have her explain exactly why she is signing them up for all of this knowing it takes 50% of Dad's visitation time?
Oh I know......."She is just thinking of the children".....got it.
And again your argument relies on the fact that Dad make all the concessions and Mom does nothing but signs them up for more to take more of his time and does not take responsibility in her role of taking this time from him.
Why no reprimand for Mom? Why not have her explain exactly why she is signing them up for all of this knowing it takes 50% of Dad's visitation time?
Oh I know......."She is just thinking of the children".....got it.
And again, you are assuming the mother is doing this nefarious deed because she is hell bent on destroying her ex-husband's time with his children, and not, which is a far more likely scenario, that the kids actually want to play.
Kids have a lot to say about their activities when they are the ages of the OP's. If the conversation with his children, which I have recommended several times, leads to them saying they don't really want to play, then yes, the mother is wrong. I just highly doubt that's the case. Kids who aren't into sports don't play year round.
My recommendation is for dad to talk to his kids, and find out how they want to spend their time with him. If it's sports, then he should make peace with it. If not, problem solved.
Since this is a weekend it is a great time for dad to talk with his kids and get their honest input.
I agree with the other poster who suggested that dad invite them on a weekend or all day Saturday adventure, perhaps to a nearby city, or to visit relatives (for a weekend in the future) and see what the kids what to do.
I know that some of my children's friends, at that age, just fell into a routine of doing sports because their parent/parents encouraged it and not because they "really loved sports". So, if other things were offered they jumped at the chance to do something else.
My kids also enjoyed sports as elementary age students but if given a choice between spending all day Saturday at the museum or visiting their grandparents for the weekend they would volunteer to miss those Saturday games so fast it would make your head spin.
And again your argument relies on the fact that Dad make all the concessions and Mom does nothing but signs them up for more to take more of his time and does not take responsibility in her role of taking this time from him.
Why no reprimand for Mom? Why not have her explain exactly why she is signing them up for all of this knowing it takes 50% of Dad's visitation time?
Oh I know......."She is just thinking of the children".....got it.
I can't rep you again but I so hear you. Having been in similar situations with my husband and his daughter I can say it's incredibly naive of people to think mothers do not pull stuff like this all the time. Not only do children need to spend quality time with BOTH parents, the father should have been consulted BEFORE she ever signed them up on his time. Right there it shows she has no intention of co-parenting. At the age of OPs children parents should be making a joint decision before approaching the children.
Now if I was him what I would do would depend. If I remember correctly they are signed up all year with no breaks. Just IMO this is healthy for no children. Children need time to just be children, plus there is a whole slew of other things they need to experience. I would talk to the kids and only (on his days) participate in the top one or two sports. Then plan free time in the slots once used for the sports that they feel most comfortable giving up or not a hundred percent to.
My kids also enjoyed sports as elementary age students but if given a choice between spending all day Saturday at the museum or visiting their grandparents for the weekend they would volunteer to miss those Saturday games so fast it would make your head spin.
Your kids are not his kids. I have a son who wanted to be in sports every day of the week and would never have wanted to go to a museum (and grandparents were far away and could not have had him for a weekend and would not have been fun for him anyway - when we did visit them, they didn't do much with him or his sister).
Ditto to nana above. My daughter would be livid if pulled from a game to go to a museum. Her idea of total torture was being dragged from relative's house to relative's house during a 10-day visit with my in-laws two summers ago (when she was 9), particularly since it meant she couldn't try out for summer All-Star softball.
I highly doubt the mom isn't just as involved in her kids activities that she isn't carting them off to practice and games as well. I also highly doubt that mom is doing this simply as spite. being involved with kids sports is a LOT of work so I don't think mom is kicking back with her shoes off all week long while dad goes to 2-4 practices/games a month.
I'm sure the kids like the sports (otherwise they would complain about it) and may not even know their dad is upset they can't do the things he wants to do. Who is to say the kids even want to do such things? I know when I was 10-11 years old I was heavily involved with basketball and loved it and probably would not be too happy if I was pulled away to go to a museum.
I think the OP is upset that he's lost his freedom to plan such activities due to his kids schedule, and might be a little bitter since he did not sign them up for it. Perhaps the OP wants to do a weekend away, or do other activities that he has interests in with his kids and he simply can't because he doesn't have that freedom due to the sports taking a prominent spot during his time.
As an NCP, I can feel his pain as I know I plan my time carefully as to not "waste" a moment with my kid. All my errands and such are done prior to the weekend and I spend the entire time with my child enjoying the time.
I'll prob find myself in the same shoes as the OP in a few years as my child has taken a huge interest in basketball. I played during HS and we would always play on my weekends and as a result he's gotten more and more into it. I'd expect him to get on a few teams and play and that may interfere with my time. But if he enjoys it, then it's what I gotta do.
It's a tough situation to be in, but you gotta make the best of it. Wait until the kids start driving and having a social life. As the kids get older, it's less about you and more and more about their own choices as well.
A few weeks ago, I asked my 7 year old if she wanted to spend the day with her grandparents or go to her swim meet. She choose her swim meet. Even at 7, she loves what she does.
Next week, she starts doing gymnastics 4 days a week instead of 3 days because she was chosen to be on a very competitive team. When I told her the days were changed and was moved on top of her swimming day, she was upset because she wants to do both. Now, I'm conflicted because she wants both and my husband wants me to drop her swimming, but swimming is a very important skill especially going into the hot Texas Summer. It's probably going to be added into another day after school.
If she was 9 or 11 as the OP's ages, she would definitely be upset removing her from sports to spend time with family or other activities. She's even chosen sports over friends' birthday parties.
I still don't get why it's assumed that dad gets no say. Mom isn't keeping dad from the kids. He gets as much custody as he was granted. If he doesn't want to take the kids to a game or to practice, then he doesn't have to. If he has reservations about the kids being signed up for sports that take place during the weekend, then he could bring that up with their mom and find a compromise or insist they not be signed up in that same club at the end of their sports session, or whatever.
Also, where is all the magic quality time that mom has with the kids? During the week the kids spend around 7 hours per day at school, then they have sports practices after school, then they eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed. It's not like they're whooping it up during the week. Dad's complaining that he has hardly any quality time with the kid - well, he gets one night a week and every other weekend - his one night a week is probably similar to all of mom's nights per week, and on the weekends he gets Friday night, Saturday minus a few hours for a game, and Sunday morning (he could have all of Sunday, but he has a job where he has to work - not mom's problem, nor is it mom's problem that he chose to live 45 minutes away from his kids). Saturday games are usually over by the afternoon - there's plenty of the day left for other activities. Also, Friday night doesn't end at 5:00pm like he said - they could still go to the park, go to a movie, etc. His kids aren't toddlers - staying up until 9pm on a Friday is likely something most 9 and 11 year-olds do anyhow. So what does he spend his time doing with them on Friday night? It sounds like he's already squandering the time he has with them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
