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I have three children. I have no way to tell if I would be happier if they were never born, because they WERE born. You may as well ask if I would be happier being six inches shorter.
I didn't have children to make myself happy or feel fulfilled. I don't regret having them. That's about all I can tell you.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
I think I would have been unhappy with myself if I didn't have some children. Now having children can be a real challenge and make for quite a few unhappy moments, but as the time draws closer to a couple of them leaving the house, the sense of accomplishment makes me feel good about the whole process.
In regards to life goals, I think that I've put off certain life's goals due to kids. I don't know if my life's goals are that important anyway. In a few years when I turn 50, I will likely have more flexibility and intend to go about reinventing myself through the goals I've put off.
It's tough to say, because it's kind of hard to remember what life was like before them. While I'm glad I have them, I would have been okay of I didn't have them. At the sake of being brutally honest, I'd say that the stress and aggravation frequently outweigh the fun... but it's the kind of frustration where you know it's worth it.
I think having kids actually makes life harder for awhile...while they're small. Lack of sleep, dealing with sickness and worry. I read somewhere that marital satisfaction drops for awhile after a new baby makes an appearance.
BUT.
Kids add a whole new layer to life. There is the satisfaction of watching them grow up, the pride in knowing they are a part of you and you are raising them and instilling in them your own values and beliefs. And honestly, kids can be a lot of fun! When they are little they are snuggly and loving, they are often very funny, and give you unconditional love.
I don't think having kids makes people happier, but they certainly bring their own brand of happiness to their lives.
I would say having children brings me great happiness...but it doesn't make me "happy". I think if someone was looking at parenthood as a way to change from an unhappy to a happy person, they would be very disappointed.
I would say having children brings me great happiness...but it doesn't make me "happy". I think if someone was looking at parenthood as a way to change from an unhappy to a happy person, they would be very disappointed.
Definitely agree with this.
I didn't want kids at all until I met my husband. Then I thought, if it happens great, if not okay, THEN I really surprised myself by telling him I wanted and was ready for a baby. He wasn't quite ready yet, so we set a date for one year later. Six months later we were surprised! Three months after she was born I was ready for another. I never knew how much you could love someone and just craved more of that!
I would definitely regret not having kids. It is HARD. Some days, like today actually, I just want to climb in bed or run away for a while because they can be overwhelming, especially at a young age (I have three 5 and under), but even when I do get that small bit of time away, I miss them and can't wait to get my hugs as soon as I walk through the door.
There are a lot of things we can't do right now, because they keep us financially strapped. But this is temporary. Once the baby is in school, I will go back to work which will give us more freedom to do things.
I would say having children brings me great happiness...but it doesn't make me "happy". I think if someone was looking at parenthood as a way to change from an unhappy to a happy person, they would be very disappointed.
Being a parent is a long, hard, stressful job, that no one is ever prepared for. My sons are all grown now, college graduates, none of them ever gave me any serious trouble, they were basically good kids.
On the one hand, there was immense happiness in bringing home a new baby, watching him grow, feeling so proud of every accomplishment through the years, forming this bond that was so deep. It is one of the most amazing aspects of being a human.
But being a mom was extremely challenging for me. I wanted to be a great mom, I had high expectations for my children, I wanted them to be well-behaved and to obey. I didn't want to be "one of those" permissive parents who let their kids run wild and be the object of rude stares or comments from strangers out in public. I think I was trying so hard to control their behavior, and to make sure they were always being good, obedient little boys, that I didn't find as much happiness in motherhood as I could have.
Some days they could really push my buttons and frustrate me to no end. Before having children, I was a fun, calm, non-yelling happy person. Now, as an empty nester, I am a fun, calm, non-yelling happy person. But during the years I was raising my children, I regret to say that my personality was very different. I yelled too much. I was too uptight. I lost my temper too easily. Looking back, I don't like who I was then.
So, did having kids make me happier? I think it did, but unfortunately that happiness was frequently hidden and buried under a lot of stress.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
No.
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