Does having kids make people happier? (custody, divorced, pregnancy, son)
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The only times I've been unhappy with my kids is the few minutes when I'm yelling at them. They aren't teenagers yet, so I've still got time. Fulfilling would be a good word. Proud too. We felt it was the natural next step after the two of us settled down with jobs and a house. The little things that make them happy makes us happy. Their receiving 100s on tests when not everyone does makes me proud. It makes us feel good when we reward them for certain behaviors and achievements, because it brings a smile to their faces. It makes me feel even better when we get to do things together like when I coach their sports teams or when they watch things with me like Caps vs. Rangers game 7 tonight. Go Caps. Too bad one of them is a Ranger fan.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
I do NOT have children and at my age, don't ever expect to.
There are those who have children who feel "complete" due to nature's natural"desire" to procreate
Others pass on the "need".
I think those who fulfilled "natures call" to procreate ARE happy in HAVING the children, others rue the day they did.
There Is NO panacea for children.
I MAY regret NOT having children LATER in life, BUt I DO have adopted niece/nephew and great nephews.
The BIG disappointment about children is WHEN THEY don't live up to the parents expectations. AND that fault lies with the parents, not the children. parents CANNOT live vicariously through their children.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
I'm sure there were some parents in the past whose honest opinion on your question would have been "no," (didn't Ann Landers or Dear Abby do a poll on that?), but I believe there are many many more these days who would feel "no"- whether they'd admit it or not.
The reasons:
a) priorities;
b) what constitutes 'fulfillment.'
In other words, there are more these days who place raising a family very low on their priorities list, and do not consider themselves to have fulfilled lives unless the fulfillment comes from other sources (job/career, personal interests, etc.)
Did my goals change? Nope. I knew long before I had kids that raising a family was the #1 thing I wanted to do in life. Not the only thing, but the #1 thing.
Were there other things I wanted to accomplish, put on hold, or gave up on? Yes. But do I regret making the sacrifices so I could put my kids first- no. I chose my priorities and responsibilities, and have no regrets about it.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
I'll speak as a mum, don't know if what I'm about to say is true for dads as they bond with kids differently.
It doesn't make people happier in all cases but they do bring you a lot of joy and a sense of purpose and responsibility. I don't know if thats what you mean by 'fulfilled'.
That sense of purpose is what drives parents to want the best for their kids, sacrifice their wants and some even give up their dreams for their kids. Goals definitely change because your life does not revolve around you anymore and your sense of self is forever changed. Your children become as much a part of you as, well, your hand, especially when they are young and still needy. I think nature designed it that way because otherwise the population would suffer. Human babies simply cannot fend for themselves until they are... well, teens. As kids age I'm sure some elements change but my kids are still very young so i have no insight on that.
Most parents don't mind the change and dive head first into it and don't mind the sacrifice and can't imagine their lives any other way.
That said there are those that resent that change and resent and even hate their kids. The foster and adoption system is full of examples of this.
So in short, the answer is yes to all your questions for some people, maybe for others and unfortunately hell no for some.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
Feeling fulfilled is NOT the same thing as being happy! And actually I believe there are studies showing that having kids generally decreases satisfaction in life in terms of added responsibility, work, marital stress, etc. Parents are loathe to admit it, but taking care of kids is a LOT of work interspersed by a few moments of joy now and then.
Do you think people are happy when they clean up a baby with a big poopy diaper? In the middle of the night? After already being awakened twice? So yeah, you can look back once the kids are grown and feel fulfilled but you'd better be in it for more than that or you'll never make it through even the shi#y diaper years!
I have three children. I have no way to tell if I would be happier if they were never born, because they WERE born. You may as well ask if I would be happier being six inches shorter.
I didn't have children to make myself happy or feel fulfilled. I don't regret having them. That's about all I can tell you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
I would say having children brings me great happiness...but it doesn't make me "happy". I think if someone was looking at parenthood as a way to change from an unhappy to a happy person, they would be very disappointed.
I do not have children, but I wonder if having kids makes people happier or makes their life feel more fulfilled.
I suppose because I am getting a bit older, I am seeing more people around me having kids both in person and seeing people posting on social media too.
It seems that it's the socially acceptable thing to proclaim that one is happier and/or more fulfilled with kids...it's almost unheard of that someone would try and say they weren't happier before kids. But, I thought a forum like this would be a good platform to ask this question as people seem more willing to tell the truth than in other places.
Did having kids make you happier than you expected? Less happy than you expected it would? Or exactly the same as you expected before you had them?
Also , did your goals in life change after having children? Did you have certain things you wanted to accomplish or do or see that you either put on the backburner or gave up on? Or did having kids actually motivate you to do more in life than you had previously?
When we married, I wanted kids but my wife didn't. We went many years w/o kids. It was just us. We traveled, went to restaurants, had fun, and life was fine. Then one day she wanted kids. While I'd adjusted over the years to not having kids, I'm a guy. "Having" must precede "raising", so I agreed almost immediately. I wasn't too disappointed it took awhile to succeed. That really is a part of it too.
Under normal circumstances it is difficult to raise kids. We had some complications. Our daughter came 7 weeks premature, and spent her first 8 weeks in the hospital. My wife had complications that had her in the hospital for a month over two visits, removing the chance of our having other children. The last 16 1/2 years have been filled with random medical challenges.
I've changed diapers. I've changed bed linens when the kiddo threw up multiple times and I had to do the laundry because this time my wife needed the sleep more than me, and I just kept hoping the kiddo wouldn't vomit again because there were no clean sheets and the ones in the drier had only been in there for a few minutes. There have been emergency room visits in the last couple months, 4 for the kiddo with a surgery on the side, 1 for the wife. Both are mostly fine now.
Happiness is a choice. I think having children can help you find happiness. I think having children can also help you find misery. There's a novella, "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin, about a mother of three (I believe) who didn't want to be a mother. It's an excellent story, but don't look for a fairy tale ending here.
Before having our child, I wasn't very domesticated or civil. Today I volunteer considerable time to our daughter's school activities; the students and their parents seem to like me, and I like them too. (The main activity includes over 100 students, with parents who are also active supporters.) Somehow this anti-socialite, me, has found a way to function with others. I find that while it is still difficult to work with people, I genuinely *like* people.
On motivation, I'm a fairly motivated person. I work full time, and am successful at my work. I also tried to start a business last year, but had to quickly close it because I simply couldn't do everything. I'm driven to ensure we have food on the table and a roof over our heads.
Life has been very different having a kid. Is it better? I wanted a kid, so probably yes it is better. I'm happier than before having a kid, but I wasn't miserable previously.
I know some people who have kids that have either emotional or physical problems. Their parents have said that if they had known the problems they would face that they never wouldve had them.
I was perfectly happy before I had my 15 month old daughter (son is due next month).
She is the best thing to ever happen to me. Her and her mother are absolutely the highlights and joy of my life. I expect my son will be no different.
Family means everything, all the rest is just noise.
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