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My son insisted on making a valentine box for the school party tomorrow. It's kind of cool, looks like a mailbox. His older sister is like "you're eleven. Aren't you too old for that?" So I ask him, are the other kids making one? He says no, maybe just one girl. I try to talk him out of taking it because it is kind of big and I don't want the other kids to make fun of him. He insists though and says the other kids don't like different things, but he does. He doesn't care what they say.
I'm glad he doesn't care, but I just hate to see other people or kids talk about him in a negative way.
My son insisted on making a valentine box for the school party tomorrow. It's kind of cool, looks like a mailbox. His older sister is like "you're eleven. Aren't you too old for that?" So I ask him, are the other kids making one? He says no, maybe just one girl. I try to talk him out of taking it because it is kind of big and I don't want the other kids to make fun of him. He insists though and says the other kids don't like different things, but he does. He doesn't care what they say.
I'm glad he doesn't care, but I just hate to see other people or kids talk about him in a negative way.
If it doesn't bother him...he's sounds like quite a kid. I bet one day some of his classmates will be talking about him saying, "Hey-remember that kid who made that valentine's day mailbox?? I can't believe he had the guts to bring that into school. I wanted to, but didn't want to get made fun of." I say good for your son for being confident in who he is. I wish I had that much self confidence and self esteem at that age. Hell-I wish I had it now .
If it doesn't bother him...he's sounds like quite a kid. I bet one day some of his classmates will be talking about him saying, "Hey-remember that kid who made that valentine's day mailbox?? I can't believe he had the guts to bring that into school. I wanted to, but didn't want to get made fun of." I say good for your son for being confident in who he is. I wish I had that much self confidence and self esteem at that age. Hell-I wish I had it now .
I wish I did too. When I dropped him at school this morning hardly any of the other kids had a box. A couple of the boys in his class stopped before I drove off and was saying how awesome it was. He turned around to look at me like I told you so!
I wish I did too. When I dropped him at school this morning hardly any of the other kids had a box. A couple of the boys in his class stopped before I drove off and was saying how awesome it was. He turned around to look at me like I told you so!
christy - for a while there I thought you were writing about my son...11, not athletic at all (never was), super math whiz, good looking (ok...at least decently good looking!), but has friends you can count with one hand. We were worried about him when we decided to move a little over a year ago, as that would have separated him from his BFF up north, and felt for sure, he'd be withdrawn and feel lost down here when school starts. Surprisingly, he made friends sooner than our drama queen! He's made a few friends in school, a few on the bus, and a few on the street we live in, and he has adjusted very well. His 13 y.o. sis, the social butterfly of the family, every so often teases him about this girl or girls he dances with when they have those school dances. Apparently, he has started his own girl-looking now, unbeknownst to us. And he has started an interest in the keyboard! Who would have known? All I'm saying is that the shyest kids come out into their own at some point in time, in their own time. He is not a jock, nor will ever be, has never started a fight, but we have observed him not back down when someone tried it at Little League with us in attendance. It is a great experience to watch your son come into manhood as he feels ready, and I think that he knows you'll always be there behind him, way past the kisses and spit-wipes of his younger days!
Friends you can count on one hand, takes a while to decide if you're friend-worthy or not, but generally a good judge of character.
He walked home from school in the snow earlier this winter and got snowball-ambushed by some bigger kids. I thought he'd be all dejected and worried. But the next day he said he wanted to walk home again, he had a plan to deal with those big kids if they bothered him!
I couldn't have been happier to see his resilience in that kind of situation.
I was kind of the same when I was in school. I was different from everybody else, so I was always alone for the most part. Most people didn't even know my name. It was just "The kid who makes good grades and doesn't talk." If that's your situation, there's nothing wrong.
I would not force him to connect socially if he is not ready, but I would spend a lot of time talking to him about people's behaviors, why people do things, different ways of handling situations, etc. It is common for very bright kids to have high intellectual skills but as a result, fail to develop social skills as readily (overreliance on what works). I had a daughter like this and it took a good deal of effort on my part to get her to be a bit more "balanced" in her approach. In the end, this will help him to be a better adjusted adolescent once he is ready to socialize.
I deal with this on a daily basis with my teenager who is very intelligent and considers herself a misfit because she has nothing in common with other 15 yrs old. She finds everyone immature and not able to understand where's she coming from. Recently she tried to commit suicide by taking pills. She had seen a therapists for over a year, because I believe that she needed to talk to someone. However, once we moved out of state things got progressively worse--new school and city. I knew she needed a therapist and got the name of a therapists from her doctor. I was in process to make the call the next day, but it was too late. After this dilemna she sees psychologists and a therapist for help. I don't particulary like medication, but the difference in her attitude is amazing. She is now trying to bond with other girls and join them on excursions. My advice for you is to watch your son very carefully--teenagers have a high rate of suicide.
Christy,
I completely understand what you are going through. I'll give you two examples of "hope". A kid I went to HS with was just like that. (and BTW, who ISN'T awkward at age 11 ) he grew up brainy, and is (not kidding) a rocket scientist. He is happy and well adjusted and has a family, etc.
Second is closer to home. My son was kind of odd in school. Dressed strange (as strange as I would let him, anyway) reveled in being an outcast... wasn't into drugs or drinking or smoking or anything... always a good student, like your son, he was shy with kids and seemed like he didn't have any friends. When he hit his senior year, he really started coming into his own. After he graduated, he lost about 35 lbs. .. it was like the stress of school had just melted away and so did the weight. He was like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon! He is so handsome, has lots of friends and in college now. I can't explain it, except that he longed to break free of the constraints of middle and high school cliques. (In re-reading the above... maybe he seems so handsome because he is always smiling these days...)
I wish you much luck and love in dealing with your son. I think it's fantastic that he is interested in politics. Sounds like he has a very bright future ahead. All the best to you.
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), but has friends you can count with one hand. We were worried about him when we decided to move a little over a year ago, as that would have separated him from his BFF up north, and felt for sure, he'd be withdrawn and feel lost down here when school starts. Surprisingly, he made friends sooner than our drama queen! He's made a few friends in school, a few on the bus, and a few on the street we live in, and he has adjusted very well. His 13 y.o. sis, the social butterfly of the family, every so often teases him about this girl or girls he dances with when they have those school dances. Apparently, he has started his own girl-looking now, unbeknownst to us. And he has started an interest in the keyboard! Who would have known? All I'm saying is that the shyest kids come out into their own at some point in time, in their own time. He is not a jock, nor will ever be, has never started a fight, but we have observed him not back down when someone tried it at Little League with us in attendance. It is a great experience to watch your son come into manhood as he feels ready, and I think that he knows you'll always be there behind him, way past the kisses and spit-wipes of his younger days!
) he grew up brainy, and is (not kidding) a rocket scientist. He is happy and well adjusted and has a family, etc.
