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I'm actually not coming from a position of mastering parenting. My nieces were raped by their father (now in jail for 15 years) and they succumbed. Yet my girls spent the night over there and were not harmed. I chalk that up to the fact that I would have beat him severely if he touched them and the fact that they had a clear view of what was appropriate sex (between a couple... consenting) and what was inappropriate.
In this way, isn't Hollywood a good way to teach your kids in an indirect way while you explain the reasoning? For example, my daughter is 16 and I allow her to watch SVU because she should know what is out there. Granted we live in the Seattle area which has had 50% of the WORLD'S number of serial killers.
I just believe that kids can't be naive in today's society! Let's give them all the tools they need to identify a predator.
Pride goeth before a fall. Just because your kids were not raped (to your knowledge) doesn't mean YOU were the reason. Did they tell you he made a move on them and what they said or did to stop it? Regardless, pride on your part sounds like you've done your thing and now you don't have to worry. No one disagrees that you need to make your kids aware - doesn't mean we have to agree with YOUR methods.
Anyone else think that kids SHOULD watch scary movies and movies with minor sex scenes to desensitize them?
I have three teens and we introduced scary movies when they were pre-teens so that they could cope with fear better. They realized that the girl who tripped or the guy who hid behind the machetes was just fiction.
Compared to their peers, they fear nothing. I think this is important because I have witnessed sheltered children who are afraid of everything! In order to deal with a serious situation, you need to remain calm and think clearly. How can you do that if you are scared sh*tless?
No. We are where we are now due to "desensitizing". We need to go back to when abhorrent behavior was acknowledged as such
No, I really don't think it works like that. At all. Movies are fake. Movies are distorted, artistic versions of life. Very few movies teach much of anything--much less how to cope with fear, terror, loss, dating, and sex.
If you REALLY wanted to desensitize your kids to violence and sex (and why do you find that that a positive, worthwhile goal anyway) you should take them to volunteer with rape and molestation victims, or refugees that were child soldiers, or work with abused kids. Or they could volunteer at your local prison. Or help out with those "take back the night" groups that bring toiletries and such directly to prosititutes on the street. Or, better yet, take them to war torn countries and let them LIVE violence: just think of all they'd see! Yeah! That'll surely desensitize them!!
um...katjonjj, grooming is often the prelude do you not know this?
I do think you are incorrect in your assertion that exposing them via "Hollywood films" will make them less likely to be victimized, I'm not getting how that connection would actually work?
An individual kid's personality will have the most to do with their likelihood to "succumb" (your word) to abuse be it sexual or other.
I was a severely abused child (not sexually) who succumbed. Daily and unrelentingly. Other kids I've seen in the news who got severe horrible treatment killed their abuser. I wish I had thought of doing that.
Your nieces didn't "succumb" for six months due to their being sheltered. It likely had far more to do with their being more fearful of the abuser, or embarrassed to be a victim, or factors unrelated to their level of exposure to violent TV or film.
I get that you're trying to do a good preventive kind of thing but I think it is sorely off target and won't yield the result you're shooting for.
I used the word "succumb" in the same manner as I would use it to any type of pressure where you eventually relent. There is no way my children would ever "succumb" to pressure to be sexually involved with an adult. I began teaching them when they were young. As young as 2 or 3. During bathtime you point out areas where only they can touch. Movies serve as a prompt for discussion (that is why they often use them in classrooms). My kids watch a scary movie and are desensitized to the IRRATIONAL FEAR of the violence, not the violence itself. My kids watch a sex scene and they realize sex is natural not to be feared.
I value the open communication I have with my teens and they are really good kids that do stupid kid things which I also adore.
My sister, however, never had any discussion about what sex was or what parts are private. I believe that contributed to the lack of resistance. If you knew the whole story (way to graphic to post here) you would see that if they had been exposed (by talking or theater) then they would have known to resist.
I value the open communication I have with my teens and they are really good kids that do stupid kid things which I also adore.
My sister, however, never had any discussion about what sex was or what parts are private. I believe that contributed to the lack of resistance. If you knew the whole story (way to graphic to post here) you would see that if they had been exposed (by talking or theater) then they would have known to resist.
Oh my god, you still don't get it.
CHILDREN who are molested are VICTIMS. They are not accomplices. You can't always resist. Also, the child brain is not the same as an adult brain. That is why exposing them to information they cannot handle, too early, is ineffective.
You apparently are blessed to never have been victimized by crime. Even women who work out have their purses snatched occasionally. Perhaps if you had experience with crime, you would understand why your idiotic statements are so offensive.
I used the word "succumb" in the same manner as I would use it to any type of pressure where you eventually relent. There is no way my children would ever "succumb" to pressure to be sexually involved with an adult. I began teaching them when they were young. As young as 2 or 3. During bathtime you point out areas where only they can touch. Movies serve as a prompt for discussion (that is why they often use them in classrooms). My kids watch a scary movie and are desensitized to the IRRATIONAL FEAR of the violence, not the violence itself. My kids watch a sex scene and they realize sex is natural not to be feared.
I value the open communication I have with my teens and they are really good kids that do stupid kid things which I also adore.
My sister, however, never had any discussion about what sex was or what parts are private. I believe that contributed to the lack of resistance. If you knew the whole story (way to graphic to post here) you would see that if they had been exposed (by talking or theater) then they would have known to resist.
I can't believe what I just read. If you think a young child has any say in sexual activity, you must be living on another planet! Do you really think if a child says, "hey don't touch me there, that's my private area" a pedophile is just going to go "oh my bad, sorry" and leave them alone??? Grown women can't even fight off rapists even if they fight with every ounce of their soul! Do you seriously believe the kids just let it happen because they hadn't seen a sex scene on TV? Insane!
I've never looked at it as a way to desensitize them against sex or violence. My kids know the things they see on TV and in movies are fantasy and make-believe. Even then, they still ask questions regarding plot, themes, ideas, and elements (as in the case of any fiction) that seem realistic. This does allow for more questions and open dialogue about the things they do see or the ideas in these movies.
They know Jurassic World is fiction, and the same for Harry Potter, the Hunger Games series, Star Wars, etc. Watching these and similar films is very different than real violence that occurs in reality. Like, for instance, they watched the news with us when the Paris terrorist attacks broke the news. It was a shock to them, and it was real, not fiction or fantasy. They're also familiar with other violent acts, like the Charleston church shooting, and other current events. We provide the context and the background. They know these events are different from, say, the Captain American or Batman movies. Movies, books and entertainment are an escape, fantasy, fiction. They can provide teachable moments and opportunities, but they're not reality, so exposing children to them with the hope of making it easier to deal with real life issues, doesn't compute.
As for adult videos, I have no intention on "exposing" them to it when they're at that curious age, but realize they'll likely discover it on their own. I have no moral objections to pornography. I just think most of it is crap. It is not an accurate representation of sex and intimacy (it's fantasy), and would rather they form a healthy image and attitude toward sex and intimacy.
But if they catch a glimpse of a sex scene in a TV show (what little is shown) or movies, meh, don't have an issue with that.
And herein lies my original thought. Movies/shows provide a teachable moment. Rather than sensor that, we should embrace it. Recently my kids watched a show, had a question and I answered it truthfully. Why is that a bad thing? I refuse to try to protect (because ultimately they will learn it somewhere) my kids from everyday life.
The entire premise seems entirely nuts to me. You teach kids boundaries. You teach them that their bodies are their own and that they should respect the personal space of others and that if anyone touches them, that needs to be discussed. You teach them conflict resolution and how to protect themselves. You talk to them about what constitutes a functional and health friendship or romantic relationship.
You don't sit them down to watch R-rated films at an early age and think that's going to be an education. Fear is healthy. It tells us we need to take action to protect ourselves.
OP, your nieces did not "succumb" - they were groomed by their father, the very person who was supposed to protect them. Exposing kids to sex and violence at an early age with the idea of teaching them is just silly and possibly could cause other issues.
Let kids be kids. I don't fetishize the concept of childhood innocence, but there's no need to deliberately expose children to such materials before they're ready in the name of "education." That's just ridiculous.
As many other posters did, you misinterpreted my OP. I don't rely on just one form of education... it is the idea that movies can be a venue for a teachable moment.
As for my nieces... they did succumb. If educated they would have resisted. My sister was also not educated about the signs so she succumbed to an abusive husband who later turned out to be a pedophile. I can't give the gory details on this forum but trust me. There was no grooming. These kids were taught to not question their father and the result was... well prison for dad.
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Also, the child brain is not the same as an adult brain. That is why exposing them to information they cannot handle, too early, is ineffective.