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DewDropInn-When I was outside and heard a 'teeny bit' of it, it was barely enough to get the sense that something was going awry. Otherwise, yes, I would've quickly gone over there and stopped it. I am sorry, but it is not appropriate to take strange children inside one's home and use your 'Shiva Goddess of Death voice' on them. thats.just.weird.
Jayerdu-I can sense that my post 'hit a nerve' with you as your son was called a bully once. Hence, that is likely why you "personally think the term bullying is overused".
Pennies4Penny-You got the definition of bullying all wrong. --->"(size of the children or type (physical or verbal) doesn't matter though)" Read the definition of 'bullying' down below, I even included links for authenticity! And, really? This situation really sounds to you like "The occasional tiff and/or name calling"?
Ok, so...I think I've got it. You all basically think that:
1. shooting a nerdy, socially awkward boy in the face.....repeatedly, with rapid-fire Nerf gun bullets, continuing non-stop, even after he is full on crying,
AND
2. when said crying kid is trying to then go HOME, to his safe place, but being blocked by said 'innocent child' (according to you all) so he canNOT go home,
is NORMAL BOY BEHAVIOR, BOYS BEING BOYS, an occasional tiff or name-calling?
AND
3. That I, the mother, am actually the bully? For including the "innocent child's" (according to you all) mother with what went down?
Wow. Then, I feel for your children.
*Bullying is intentional aggressive behavior. It can take the form of physical or verbal harassment and involves an imbalance of power (a group of children can gang up on a victim or someone who is physically bigger or more aggressive can intimidate someone else, for instance). (Bullying Definition and Types of Behavior)
All I got out of that was that you let your kids play outside with nerf guns, and then let them play a shooting game with a bunch of other neighbor kids. We have plenty of toy weapons, but they are never allowed outside. How can you not know that toy guns outside the house lead to bad things?? It's been in the news so many times already. I also don't let my kid play with them with other kids inside the house, because other kids who don't have nerf guns don't always know better than to shoot at the face. The gun thing is your fault, in my opinion. Those guns shouldn't have been out there in the first place.
All I got out of that was that you let your kids play outside with nerf guns, and then let them play a shooting game with a bunch of other neighbor kids. We have plenty of toy weapons, but they are never allowed outside. How can you not know that toy guns outside the house lead to bad things?? It's been in the news so many times already. I also don't let my kid play with them with other kids inside the house, because other kids who don't have nerf guns don't always know better than to shoot at the face. The gun thing is your fault, in my opinion. Those guns shouldn't have been out there in the first place.
Sorry, I disagree. The long-time neighbor kids (not the new residents at topic of post) and my boys have ALWAYS played with Nerf guns and have NEVER used them in a purposeful and malicious way as this new to street boy did.
Of course, I am sure that some of my boys friends or even my boys have gotten INADVERTENTLY hit in the face with a Nerf bullet, here or there, and they don't complain as it was an accident, and one-time. BUT, when you have a boy who is using the Nerf gun in a negative way, and repeating the shots AT THE FACE, then it is a TOTALLY different ballgame.
DewDropInn-When I was outside and heard a 'teeny bit' of it, it was barely enough to get the sense that something was going awry. Otherwise, yes, I would've quickly gone over there and stopped it. I am sorry, but it is not appropriate to take strange children inside one's home and use your 'Shiva Goddess of Death voice' on them. thats.just.weird.
Jayerdu-I can sense that my post 'hit a nerve' with you as your son was called a bully once. Hence, that is likely why you "personally think the term bullying is overused".
Pennies4Penny-You got the definition of bullying all wrong. --->"(size of the children or type (physical or verbal) doesn't matter though)" Read the definition of 'bullying' down below, I even included links for authenticity! And, really? This situation really sounds to you like "The occasional tiff and/or name calling"?
Ok, so...I think I've got it. You all basically think that:
1. shooting a nerdy, socially awkward boy in the face.....repeatedly, with rapid-fire Nerf gun bullets, continuing non-stop, even after he is full on crying,
AND
2. when said crying kid is trying to then go HOME, to his safe place, but being blocked by said 'innocent child' (according to you all) so he canNOT go home,
is NORMAL BOY BEHAVIOR, BOYS BEING BOYS, an occasional tiff or name-calling?
AND
3. That I, the mother, am actually the bully? For including the "innocent child's" (according to you all) mother with what went down?
Wow. Then, I feel for your children.
*Bullying is intentional aggressive behavior. It can take the form of physical or verbal harassment and involves an imbalance of power (a group of children can gang up on a victim or someone who is physically bigger or more aggressive can intimidate someone else, for instance). (Bullying Definition and Types of Behavior)
*Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. (Bullying Definition | StopBullying.gov)
No, sorry. The definition you provided is correct, but you are using it incorrectly. True bullying is REPEATED, FREQUENT abuse (verbal and/or non verbal) from one person (or group) to another.
What happened in your yard was highly inappropriate and inexcusable, but it was not bullying. And I never defended the boys' actions and I loathe that "boys will be boys" saying because it's an idiotic excuse to allow boys to behave terribly, but a one time situation that got out of hand is not bullying. Maybe these kids are generally good, but in a new neighborhood, with new kids and with the excitement of the nerf gun game (which I agree with whoever said that those things should not be used outside), they just went overboard. They could likely just be brats as well, but you'll probably never know as the mother has shunned them from playing with the other kids. In any case, this means you don't have to worry about them anymore.
No, sorry. The definition you provided is correct, but you are using it incorrectly. True bullying is REPEATED, FREQUENT abuse (verbal and/or non verbal) from one person (or group) to another.
What happened in your yard was highly inappropriate and inexcusable, but it was not bullying. And I never defended the boys' actions and I loathe that "boys will be boys" saying because it's an idiotic excuse to allow boys to behave terribly, but a one time situation that got out of hand is not bullying. Maybe these kids are generally good, but in a new neighborhood, with new kids and with the excitement of the nerf gun game (which I agree with whoever said that those things should not be used outside), they just went overboard. They could likely just be brats as well, but you'll probably never know as the mother has shunned them from playing with the other kids. In any case, this means you don't have to worry about them anymore.
"Intentional Aggression".....there, does that make y'all feel better? More "POLITICALLY CORRECT"?
Ya think it's not going to happen again? They ride the bus with the 9yo. Ok, so when it happens AGAIN, I will re-post and then label it 'bullying'. Would that be ok?
Does the title make the act any more PALATABLE? Oh, my word.
The mother HAS encouraged them to shun the rest of the street kids. 7, 10, 11yo's, if they are mentally 'normal', tend to 'MOVE ON' from spats. ESPECIALLY 'spats' (saying spats to be nice cuz you know, we all must be nice nice here) that THEY initiated. Not normal for 7-11yo's to harbor anger for WEEKS. Def mother initiated.
"Intentional Aggression".....there, does that make y'all feel better? More "POLITICALLY CORRECT"?
Ya think it's not going to happen again? They ride the bus with the 9yo. Ok, so when it happens AGAIN, I will re-post and then label it 'bullying'. Would that be ok?
Does the title make the act any more PALATABLE? Oh, my word.
The mother HAS encouraged them to shun the rest of the street kids. 7, 10, 11yo's, if they are mentally 'normal', tend to 'MOVE ON' from spats. ESPECIALLY 'spats' (saying spats to be nice cuz you know, we all must be nice nice here) that THEY initiated. Not normal for 7-11yo's to harbor anger for WEEKS. Def mother initiated.
If you don't mind me saying you need to chill out
all those caps
maybe you're making a way bigger deal of this than you should
Honestly, I feel like its been resolved for the moment. You can't choose how people use "teaching moments". If the boys are awful, then its great they aren't interacting with the other kids. And more then that, they are renting, they didn't buy it so you aren't stuck.
I don't know how terrible these kids are. But it sounds like there is a good bit of imagination going into the story. If they are so bad, thank your lucky starts they aren't hanging out with your kids.
On the other hand, I grew up in government apartment housing. There was like 1000 kids. Nothing you described sounded so bad...some of it is just kids fighting. Sometimes you have to let them work it out and not get involved. Sometimes you have to step right in and lay down the law. But when you get involved, the outcome is usually that the kids don't play together anymore.
I think she addressed her kids and they now leave the other kids alone. She also probably doesn't feel really friendly now. That's a pretty good outcome. It could have escalated. Let it go.
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