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By 59 there is no "small kid" involved. If you had a baby at 50, the kid would be 9 already by then. I'm not sure why there's this notion that a) 59 year old people who look after themselves aren't active or b) that past age 8 or so kids need all this strenuous physical attention from their parents.
By 16 they're definitely out doing their own thing with their friends. What is it that older parents have to do at that age that younger parents do better?
Your mother is not fit and that is not a product of age, so you can't compare her going downhill to older parents in good health.
50 is not the "maximum" people "feel fine" with activities etc. Honestly come back when you are actually past 50 and let us know how decrepit you are then.
Nine isn't a toddler but a nine year old is still going to require a lot of parental attention.
This is the crux if it, and it applies to everyone, not just older parents.
If you haven't had children yet you have the same drive everyone before you had to get through the tough parts. I think a lot of it is mindset. If you've already raised four kids and you're in your fifties now, of course it's going to be absurd to you to start again, and seem like an impossible endeavor. But if it's your first child and you have all the drive/instincts that come with it, not so much.
Let's face it, young children exhaust everyone. But we generally all make it to the other side.
Yes, they do. But if I hadn't had mine in my late 20s and early 30s, I would have kept trying. I don't think any of us can say it's too late for people yearning to be parents.
Given the age range of mothers at my kid's elementary, at least a third will be in their late 50's by the time their child is 18, if not 60.
When I was 18 I had a 38 year old mom. Not sure why that's a plus (in my case it most certainly wasn't). At 18 you're on your way out of the house. What is it you think parents can't do for an 18 year old at 60?
There must be a lot of older moms in your circle or vicinity. I remember having a few older moms at my kids' pre-school when my children were that age. I was in my late 20s/early 30s, and some of them appeared to be nearing 50.
Personally, I don't think it's fair for a young adult child to have to care for elder parents or to face the likely prospect of their demise while they are still relatively young. (Insert rebuttal about how no one knows what may happen or how long they will live. I know this.) It is not in the natural order of things, really, and people's biology has not miraculously changed in the past few decades, no matter how many straw man examples or exceptional experiences you can relate.
Either way, it's the older parents' and their children's lives that are impacted, not mine. I look forward to being in my 40s with both kids in college with an estimated 40+ additional years to spend with my husband, myself, my interests, my grown children and my potential grandkids.
There must be a lot of older moms in your circle or vicinity. I remember having a few older moms at my kids' pre-school when my children were that age. I was in my late 20s/early 30s, and some of them appeared to be nearing 50.
OMG! Nearing 50! However did they cope?
They aren't older moms. They're just moms.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hautemomma
Personally, I don't think it's fair for a young adult child to have to care for elder parents or to face the likely prospect of their demise while they are still relatively young. (Insert rebuttal about how no one knows what may happen or how long they will live. I know this.) It is not in the natural order of things, really, and people's biology has not miraculously changed in the past few decades, no matter how many straw man examples or exceptional experiences you can relate.
It's not really exceptional anymore. People are waiting longer to have kids, and life expectancy for women is at least 80. That means the child you had in your 40's is nearly 40 by then, hardly a "young adult child".
It's no picnic when your parents age no matter how old you are. Bening 70 and caring for your 90 year old parents sucks too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hautemomma
Either way, it's the older parents' and their children's lives that are impacted, not mine. I look forward to being in my 40s with both kids in college with an estimated 40+ additional years to spend with my husband, myself, my interests, my grown children and my potential grandkids.
I see, you look forward to being in your 40's. Alrighty then. You are still of the view that people over 50 don't have the will to live. It's okay, you'll see it differently soon enough.
I'm glad to have built a great career and lots of time to do what I wanted to do. I'm glad to want to spend time with my family and not pine for a full on social life, like I would have in my 20's. I'm glad I waited to find the right man who's a great dad. I'm glad I'm a more patient, knowledgable, perspective having, loving person.
I'm glad to have built a great career and lots of time to do what I wanted to do. I'm glad to want to spend time with my family and not pine for a full on social life, like I would have in my 20's. I'm glad I waited to find the right man who's a great dad. I'm glad I'm a more patient, knowledgable, perspective having, loving person.
Goes both ways.
And you assume no one could have done (and be) what you just described, yet still had children in their 20s and early 30s. If it took you until 50 or the late 40s to strengthen or obtain those attributes / milestones, that's on you. But that's not my story, and I had my kids in my 20s and have been with the same man for almost 20 years, as we met in college. Yet I'm in my late 30s. Imagine that.
Some people are later bloomers. Better late than never. Some are earlier, and then others bloom around the time aligned with biology and modern human history.
Last edited by hautemomma; 04-19-2016 at 06:55 AM..
And you assume no one could have done (and be) what you just described, yet still had children in their 20s and early 30s. If it took you until 50 or the late 40s to strengthen or obtain those attributes / milestones, that's on you. But that's not my story, and I had my kids in my 20s and have been with the same man for almost 20 years, as we met in college. Yet I'm in my late 30s. Imagine that.
Some people are later bloomers. Better late than never. Some are earlier, and then others bloom around the time aligned with biology and modern human history.
Hmmm, I don't recall saying that nor assuming it. I think people should do whatever suits them and their circumstances. There are reasons why people have kids earlier and reasons why they choose to wait. Certainly not for me to judge.
There's nothing wrong with having kids in your 20's. As long as you're balanced and can take care of them. That goes for parents of any age. There are pros and cons to just about every scenario.
And, when I start a sentence off with "I'm glad I" then I'm recounting what I'm grateful for. Personally. You listed what you're looking forward to. Is it only you that gets to do that? Or do we old feeble people with diminished capacity not really have anything left in this world to accomplish or strive for, so we should just eat our gruel and let people talk down to us like we're impaired?
Again, why is it that parents over 50 can't pay full parental attention to their 9 year old kid?
Please do let me know, I'd like to see where I'm going so terribly wrong.
Of course they can, but it's often going to take more energy to keep up with the kid, etc.
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