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I'm sure I'm opening myself up for criticism here, and some will jump to the conclusion that I'm overly involved, but those who know me personally and/or are familiar with my posting history know that I am well-balanced and neither a drama queen nor a helicopter parent. That being out of the way...
My seventeen-year-old daughter and friends (both male and female) have been planning to attend prom as a group for more than a year. Unfortunately, that has crashed and burned over the past month or so, as the entire bunch has paired up, complete with elaborate "prom-posals," leaving my middle child odd one out, and I'd be lying if I did not admit to finding it just a tad upsetting. She's putting on a brave face -- for just one brief moment did she express any disappointment in how things are playing out -- and bought herself a beautiful dress, scheduled a hair appointment, & arranged to borrow the car to drive herself downtown to the event. I admire her pluck, because she certainly has more self-confidence than I did at that age. But her father and I are flummoxed. She is truly a lovely, bright young woman with a LOT of friends, but she rarely gets asked out on a date.
I know my role: stay out of it and be positive, and I'm doing so, trusting that she's handling it the way she sees fit. I guess I'm just wondering if other moms & dads have been there. My first child, a boy, had a long-term high school girlfriend, so this wasn't an issue last time around.
Last edited by randomparent; 05-02-2016 at 10:17 AM..
Reason: Typo
I'm sure I'm opening myself up for criticism here, and some will jump to the conclusion that I'm overly involved, but those who know me personally and/or are familiar with my posting history know that I am well-balanced and neither a drama queen nor a helicopter parent. That being out if the way...
My seventeen-year-old daughter and friends (both male and female) have been planning to attend prom as a group for more than a year. Unfortunately, that has crashed and burned over the past month or so, as the entire bunch has paired up, complete with elaborate "prom-posals," leaving my middle child odd one out, and I'd be lying if I did not admit to finding it just a tad upsetting. She's putting on a brave face -- for just one brief moment did she express any disappointment in how things are playing out -- and bought herself a beautiful dress, scheduled a hair appointment, & arranged to borrow the car to drive herself downtown to the event. I admire her pluck, because she certainly has more self-confidence than I did at that age. But her father and I are flummoxed. She is truly a lovely, bright young woman with a LOT of friends, but she rarely gets asked out on a date.
I know my role: stay out of it and be positive, and I'm doing so, trusting that she's handling it the way she sees fit. I guess I'm just wondering if other moms & dads have been there. My first child, a boy, had a long-term high school girlfriend, so this wasn't an issue last time around.
Congrats to your daughter. My daughter was in a somewhat, similar situation. Less than a week before prom the parents of the boy that she was sort of dating refused to allow him to go to prom with her because they "heard a rumor" that our daughter used drugs. The ironic thing was that our daughter did not use drugs and their son frequently used and actually sold drugs to peers. His parents refused to talk to our daughter or to us. Frankly, I strongly suspect that they found drugs in his room or car and he blamed them on our daughter.
Our daughter asked a platonic male friend to go with her but it really was not the same.
Yes, it can be heartbreaking for parents but all you can do is be supportive.
I'm sure I'm opening myself up for criticism here, and some will jump to the conclusion that I'm overly involved, but those who know me personally and/or are familiar with my posting history know that I am well-balanced and neither a drama queen nor a helicopter parent. That being out if the way...
My seventeen-year-old daughter and friends (both male and female) have been planning to attend prom as a group for more than a year. Unfortunately, that has crashed and burned over the past month or so, as the entire bunch has paired up, complete with elaborate "prom-posals," leaving my middle child odd one out, and I'd be lying if I did not admit to finding it just a tad upsetting. She's putting on a brave face -- for just one brief moment did she express any disappointment in how things are playing out -- and bought herself a beautiful dress, scheduled a hair appointment, & arranged to borrow the car to drive herself downtown to the event. I admire her pluck, because she certainly has more self-confidence than I did at that age. But her father and I are flummoxed. She is truly a lovely, bright young woman with a LOT of friends, but she rarely gets asked out on a date.
I know my role: stay out of it and be positive, and I'm doing so, trusting that she's handling it the way she sees fit. I guess I'm just wondering if other moms & dads have been there. My first child, a boy, had a long-term high school girlfriend, so this wasn't an issue last time around.
I know that's tough but your daughter is handling it beautifully and so are you. She will have just as much fun as her friends and will avoid any drama. The friends will still all hang out together and dance together. As far as why she doesn't get asked out--it's probably because she's lovely and bright. She may seem out of reach to a lot of the boys. But don't fret about it--be glad. She's free to have fun without any of the worries that come with relationships in high school.
Do you know any young men who wouldn't mind going with her? Have you asked her if she would like you to find someone? I only ask because the first time I went to prom was with the son of a friend of my mother's. He did not have a date (he was a very studious boy) and his mom asked my mom if he could take me. He was very nice and we had a great time, just as friends, but it was still fun. Then when I went to my prom I also took a platonic friend, and had a great time.
If she would prefer to just hold her head up high and go with herself, I think that's really cool and REALLY confident. I'm impressed. But I would ask her if she wants your help, just in case she does and is too proud to ask.
Your daughter is learning a valuable, albeit painful, lesson about the true worth of people she thought were her friends. Apparently, her "friends" did not value her enough as a friend to continue to include her in an activity that they had long planned on doing together, even if she was the only one not paired off. The group could have all gone together, and the boys could have taken turns dancing with her while their main partners took breaks. But instead, they appear to be allowing their hormones to get the better of them (hardly unusual in that age group) and are leaving her out.
It appears that your daughter is making the best of a bad situation, so kudos to her. If she would like your presence during the pre-prom shopping and preparation, you can always do that to support her. But otherwise, all you can really do is make your shoulder available in case she wants to cry on it.
They went as a huge friend group. But the girls basically paired everyone off within the group. And yes, they still did the prom-posals, even though they were just friends.
It was all very bizarre to me, and I stayed out of that part. But in their group there was an even number so no one was left a single.
It sucks that your daughter feels left out. Is there no other male friend in the group she could ask? Or is it too far beyond that at this point and not really about having "a guy?"
I'm sure I'm opening myself up for criticism here, and some will jump to the conclusion that I'm overly involved, but those who know me personally and/or are familiar with my posting history know that I am well-balanced and neither a drama queen nor a helicopter parent. That being out of the way...
My seventeen-year-old daughter and friends (both male and female) have been planning to attend prom as a group for more than a year. Unfortunately, that has crashed and burned over the past month or so, as the entire bunch has paired up, complete with elaborate "prom-posals," leaving my middle child odd one out, and I'd be lying if I did not admit to finding it just a tad upsetting. She's putting on a brave face -- for just one brief moment did she express any disappointment in how things are playing out -- and bought herself a beautiful dress, scheduled a hair appointment, & arranged to borrow the car to drive herself downtown to the event. I admire her pluck, because she certainly has more self-confidence than I did at that age. But her father and I are flummoxed. She is truly a lovely, bright young woman with a LOT of friends, but she rarely gets asked out on a date.
I know my role: stay out of it and be positive, and I'm doing so, trusting that she's handling it the way she sees fit. I guess I'm just wondering if other moms & dads have been there. My first child, a boy, had a long-term high school girlfriend, so this wasn't an issue last time around.
Is she a senior or junior? Around here at least that would vastly change the tone of going stag to prom.
Pat yourself on the back, you've raised a wonderful daughter who is going to handle the real world with grace and grit.
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