need some advise how to raise confident child...

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by RamenAddict

I assume that the OP's daughter started piano around age 5. Did she learn at that point by memorization of what she heard? I ask because it can be very hard for people to transition from that learning style into reading music successfully. I had one friend growing up who could memorize a song after listening to it once, harmonize/accompany someone beautifully (just make up an accompaniment) but could not read music for the life of her. I also learned music by memorization at first and reading music just never clicked for me either. At this point, she probably doesn't want to do it anymore and it's time to stop piano.

I don't now that this has anything to do with having any sort of learning disability or learning problems in school. It seems like they may not be related at all and that at this point any sort of learning disability would have been recognized. If this problem is just now coming up, it's likely behavioral/mental health related as opposed to disability related. With all the standards in today's schools, you're just not going to make it up to 6th grade without someone noticing you have a problem.

The OP said that his daughter was getting "65 to 75" in math and reading, depending on the district that could be Fs and Ds or Ds and Cs (at least that is how they give grades in my area).

If that is correct it appears that someone has noticed that there was a problem. But, perhaps the OP does not accept that it is a problem.

[HighFlyingBird]

Originally Posted by germaine2626

The OP said that his daughter was getting "65 to 75" in math and reading, depending on the district that could be Fs and Ds or Ds and Cs (at least that is how they give grades in my area).

If that is correct it appears that someone has noticed that there was a problem. But, perhaps the OP does not accept that it is a problem.

I agree. Now-a-days you don't make it through Kinder before they start recognizing a learning issue. Let alone make it into your tween years. Unless you have a parent with their head in the sand. My kids never got percentile grades at this age, but if they did, 65-75 percentile they would be in special classes, I would be called into MANY parent conferences and have been sent for exams with educational psychologists. Both my kids have pretty significant learning disabilities and both do better then 65%-75% in school. And they are still identified as learning disabled kids!

If this is true, and the OP just is realizing there is some serious issues at play, I really wish her luck in looking at ways to help her daughter succeed. But...as a mom of special needs kids, its hard for me to wrap my head around someone not realizing there is such an issues this far along.

See...when I was a kid...there were stupid kids and smart kids. But now it is different. ITs all based on optimal learning and people who fall short have learning disabiliies and those who surpass are gifted. We will see how this comes about in the long run. It might be good, it might not. But you don't get this far in school with your kid clueless on what is going on.

[CaptainCommander]

Originally Posted by samnyc

My daughter who is ten years old in two weeks she will turn 11. She is playing Piano for five years. She just plays O.K. Other kids who just started to play six month ago or nine moths ago. Playing so much better.

I should not do this but when I compare my child to other child. Other child is playing so much better with passion and love. My daughter has what ever attitude.

Am I wrong on this? After five years of Piano class each week, I pay $25 for each class. She still makes basic mistake. She keeps reading letter d and b wrong. After five years she can't tell the difference between letter D and B ? same thing in Math class and English class. Her grades are around 65 to 75.

How do I tell her that she needs to change her attitude and start paying attention when teacher is teaching her something.

Though I make no claims to perfection, what you say to your daughter can be very important to her confidence building and for nourishing all the good and blessedness that she has, can be and can bring forth. Being mindful about what you say to her as if that which comes out of your mouth is like water to a plant that is shaped by what you say, feel and mean. It may sound flaky but there was much research and writing on these things back in the early to mid 1900s. I know of people whose dad's always told them that they were stupid who grew up to be 53 and, oh boy they do some stupid things. I suspect the little girl believed her father's words and incorporated them into her being. Speak confidence to her without activating and raising unhealthy pride. Because if you don't, there might be many lions, tigers and bears eager to exploit her lack of self-esteem. For example, instead of "You're being such a brat" I've learned to "But I see a much better and smarter daughter/son of mine than that. I see {all that good stuff}"


As for her reading difficulties, someone I know had perfect ability to read and so on until they got into tan accident. It turned out that toxins from the infections resulted in impairments among them was reading difficulties. Although most doctors will probably not point you in that direction, I would consider her health issues or reading difficulties as being possibly related to toxins. A lot of doctors tend to take people on that psych med ride. I dealt with one case where a 10 y/o boy who had serious liver problems but the ####-ing geniuses put the kid on PSYCH MEDS. I mean talk about total freakin' idiocy!

A reasonable level of detox can be achieved by taking things like activated charcoal stirred into water (every now and then) or by brushing teeth with a mix of that Activated Charcoal and water. Also, no matter what doctors and dentists say: amalgam fillings can seriously mess with brain function. Mercury in the mouth is sinister. Things like that can make a child feel lethargic and depressed and be clueless as to why.

Although one of the safest detox substances is activate charcoal, it can negate the effect of meds if taken within 2 hours of the meds. It also can be used for brushing the teeth. Another safe-ish detox is external application of bentonite clay. It can pull even mercury or splinters out through the skin. I have first hand experience with all of the foregoing. When giving full body clay baths instructions should be followed to among other things avoid creating a plumbing nightmare. Both are inexpensive alternatives to years of suffering and disappointment.

[pkbab5]

OP, I gather from your posting history that you have two children ages 6 and 10, and you are originally from India. It sounds like you have the high standards of a stereotypical "Asian parent" (high grades and proficiency on piano/violin), but it sounds like you may not have the typical parental involvement level of the stereotypical Asian parent.

Generally, the way to raise a confident child is to make the child have success after performing hard work. But that doesn't happen on its own, you have to make it happen. So first you have to teach your child how to do hard work, by sitting next to them and making them do it, and then you do what you need to to make sure they experience success. In other words, if they are not being successful because they have something like dyslexia, it is your responsibility as a parent to get them tested, figure out what the problem is, and get the issue treated (usually by a professional) as soon as possible. Otherwise they can't have success which leads to low confidence.

If your daughter is 10 and you are just now worrying about grades and piano, then YOU have dropped the ball. You are way behind, you need to catch up. This is not your child's attitude that is wrong, it is yours. Where have you been? Actually, doesn't matter. What matters is that you get involved now. Visit all the specialists, get all the tests, find out what is keeping her from succeeding, get treatment, teach hard work, and do absolutely everything in your power to make her experience success for herself, due to her own work (that you made her do, doesn't matter, as long as she did it). If she doesn't have any talent for piano, you need to get her off the piano and onto doing whatever she has talent for as fast as possible so she gets some feeling of success.

The more you do that, the more she will have confidence. That's how you raise a confident child.

[samnyc]

Thanks everyone. Yes. I did make lot of mistakes in my life. I am trying to fix one by one now.

We are going to take some break from Piano class. we took her to Kumon center, they told us she is at 5 grade but her math level is at first grade. Next week she will take the English test.

Also made the appointment with the doctor.

Thanks again.

[RustinginSeattle]

After attempting to deal with physical symptoms, and then anxiety, we finally took our daughter to a neuropsychologist for learning disability testing.

She started school with excellent scores and performs extremely well at math, but her reading just kept coming down over the years and I noticed that she never finished a book and lied about books she had supposedly read. Her test scores were still decent and her teacher loved her (well behaved and hard worker), so she didn't really pick up on it. Turns out she can read, she just doesn't comprehend what she reads, so once they were reading to learn, instead of learning to read her scores came down and anxiety went up (along with psychosomatic physical symtoms - headaches, stomach aches, etc).

She is getting treatment with a speech and language pathologist now and has an IEP in school. I'm seeing an incredible improvement in her confidence and abilities.

Originally I struggled with paying thousands for testing, but I have to say it was the smartest money we spent!

[pkbab5]

Originally Posted by samnyc

Thanks everyone. Yes. I did make lot of mistakes in my life. I am trying to fix one by one now.

We are going to take some break from Piano class. we took her to Kumon center, they told us she is at 5 grade but her math level is at first grade. Next week she will take the English test.

Also made the appointment with the doctor.

Thanks again.

Perfect answer. Good luck.

[dblackga]

Originally Posted by samnyc

Thanks everyone. Yes. I did make lot of mistakes in my life. I am trying to fix one by one now.

We are going to take some break from Piano class. we took her to Kumon center, they told us she is at 5 grade but her math level is at first grade. Next week she will take the English test.

Also made the appointment with the doctor.

Thanks again.

We all make mistakes -- parenting is the kind of job that you "learn while doing." But it sounds like you are on the right track. Good luck, I hope it works out for you both.