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Good for you for doing what you can to keep your child OP. Help is out there, I know, I work for an organization that provides it. Ask for help locally, not on the internet.
Okay this will be long sorry in advance. I am 18 and a new mother to a beautiful baby boy. Unfortunately I don't have much of a support system and have been struggling to survive. When I got pregnant at 17 my mother viewed it as a source of shame. She is one of those that likes to show the appearance of everything being okay. When I told her I was pregnant she yelled at me saying "do you know how this makes me look?" and told me never to tell friends or family.
When I started to show she made me wear baggy clothes and other things to cover it up. I should probably also mention she is an alcoholic. I had to find out everything about pregnancy and having a baby online she never wanted to talk about it. While this was going on my child's father committed suicide leaving me with no chance at getting child support. I do have my drivers license and a beat up car fortunately, but she told me after I graduate HS and had my son she wanted me out.
True to her word after graduation and a little over a month of having my son she kicked me out with just what I could put in a suitcase. I had to live out of my car for 3 days and during this whole time I was applying for jobs. I finally found a friend that let me stay in exchange for helping which I don't mind but I still haven't found a job even at McDonald's. My friend has helped with my cell phone bill so that I can still call and apply for jobs I also recently applied for assistance with the government but you know how long that can take.
Fortunately I can breast feed and love doing it and knowing I can take care of my son. I go without a lot and that is fine. But I often feel very depressed and I have called my mother several times but she won't help but I also don't want my son being around her being drunk so often she can get abusive and has hit me on occasion. I know it's not a good environment for me or my son.
Has anyone here experienced being a very young single mom? What did you do to make ends meet?
I was you 20+ years ago. Ignore anyone telling you to give that baby up for adoption - he is yours and you have already shown your dedication to him.
Finding a support system will be vital. Are any of your extended family members around? Aunts, grandma, your own father's family? What about the baby's father's family - do they know about the child? They might be willing to help.
If not, try to find another young single mom who has values similar to yours and see if you can room together or watch each other's children while you both work different shifts. Apply for all the assistance you can, and look into getting Social Security benefits for your child since his father died. Contact the local Social Security office and find out what you need to do.
Even if you are not religious, try some churches in your area and see if they will help you with diapers, baby clothes, etc.
I am sending you a link in a private message to a group that might also be able to help you. Good luck to you!
I don't have much advice but wanted to say that you are doing great and the fact that you reached out for help is wonderful. Maybe check with the hospital where you delivered the baby and see if they can point you in the right direction for support and information. I also agree with the question about the baby's father's family - I'm sure it's a difficult time with their son's death, but they might be in a position to try to help out.
I am going out on a limb here but I am assuming you should have these services already. We don't have any at risk mother ( being a teen mom is considered at risk) leave the hospital without attempting to have them apply for wic, ebt, and parenting services. We have a nurse or social worker go to their home and check on them.
I'm sure that isn't a practice everywhere.
Still if you are able to get into a school please try it will give you stable housing and most campus here in nyc have child care.
If you qualify for finical aid and loan you could at least make ends.
I was you 20+ years ago. Ignore anyone telling you to give that baby up for adoption - he is yours and you have already shown your dedication to him.
+ 1
I was there 13 years ago... a little bit older (21), but with no relatives whatsoever and no education beyond high school, or experience living in this country.
A lot of trial and error, a lot of pains could have been avoided, had I known then what I do now. Many things are harder than most people seem to think, some things are easier than they initially look to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
Finding a support system will be vital. Are any of your extended family members around? Aunts, grandma, your own father's family? What about the baby's father's family - do they know about the child? They might be willing to help.
I agree. Sometimes, a family that is grieving the loss of their son can be actually overjoyed to have his "extension" and be thankful to you for giving them a grandson to live for!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
If not, try to find another young single mom who has values similar to yours and see if you can room together or watch each other's children while you both work different shifts.
Another very good idea!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonBeam33
Apply for all the assistance you can, and look into getting Social Security benefits for your child since his father died. Contact the local Social Security office and find out what you need to do.
That's where you should start.
Some places provide temporary housing to young Moms (different from a regular shelter, which could be scary)... it could be a special accommodation for teen Moms, or a voucher for hotel while you get a job and can get an apartment.
Find a local welfare office, be nice and try to find out any information they could offer about what kind of help may be available. Food stamps, WIC (women, infants and children supplemental food assistance program), possibly emergency cash assistance TANF or something like that). Don't stop there... look for information everywhere. Nobody will volunteer that information to you, but any random detail could be life-changing!
There is also usually some kind of a daycare assistance for those making below a certain income level, or just looking for a job, or going to school... It could be provided by the same agency or a different one.
I would go to your state's forum and ask the same question there: they could point you specifically to names and addresses of places they know that could help. A lot more people than single teen Moms (low-income families, widows, etc.) could be helpful in sharing their experiences that could help you, as well.
". . . Has anyone here experienced being a very young single mom? What did you do to make ends meet?
Not a chance since I am an old (69 YO) Male. However I do have several young lady friends that have faced the same problems you are having. The very first thing you should do to get your financial situation under control is to see an Attorney. If the Paternity of your baby is established there may be Social Security benefits from your baby's Daddy available. If so an Attorney can help.
The next thing you need to do is get the education you need to provide for your baby and yourself. You made a mistake in getting pregnant but whatever you do DO NOT REPEAT THAT MISTAKE. Be very careful in the type of guys you date. It takes a special guy to take on the responsibility of some other guys child so choose very carefully.
Honestly, it's shocking to see how little compassion some people have. Girl puts herself out there and some people say to give the child up for adoption, others reinforce how much in the minority she is. Color me surprised.
I was young too when I started the parenting journey. I was partnered but my partner wasn't much (read: any) help back then, and I had no other family, and very little money. We made it through, though. You will too. PM me if you want to talk. I'm in my thirties now, but I haven't forgotten what it was like to be a young mother who was judged left and right.
The very first thing you should do to get your financial situation under control is to see an Attorney. If the Paternity of your baby is established there may be Social Security benefits from your baby's Daddy available. If so an Attorney can help.
I don't know exactly how Social Security works in that angle, but know that 1) you can still establish paternity if you are on good terms with any of your boyfriend's siblings or close relatives and can get them to submit a DNA sample (could be as easy as spitting into a tube, or a cheek swab).
They may be worried, though, that you'd be trying to get child support from them, so I'd probably try the younger generation first and also explain right away that this is for SS.
Hopefully that does not cost too much. Let us know what you find out!
I know there is a private site that can determine relatives (albeit for a different reason and not sure if it would be considered evidence enough for your purpose), but their kit costs $199 and you'd need one for your baby and one for a relative (unless they already have a profile there, for some reason). www.23andme.com I used them for a different reason, but found a few new relatives for my son, who also happened to have submitted their sample to get their health profile.
Maybe contact attorney first to see how it works. Most places have 'Legal Aid' agency or something similar that provide free legal services for certain people. Google them in your area. They would hopefully explain more about SS benefits and know how to establish paternity post-mortem.
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