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I would love to hear from other parents of adult children (adult but still living at home) who have experienced really not liking their child's SO.
Our son recently (within last two months) established a relationship with an 18 year old girl that we tried to like, but unfortunately have just had enough and have realized that we don't really like her at all.
Thankfully, our son is now off at boot camp so she has very little to no access to him. We are grateful for this, as she was becoming increasingly controlling and manipulative.
How do you tell your son to grow a backbone, and that this relationship is toxic, without insulting him or pushing him away? We are feeling very concerned and frustrated. We've never gone through this before so I would like to hear from other parents who have.
I was very grateful that my parents stayed the HECK out of my dating life and let me learn things for myself. So. You don't.
What our parents see in our significant others is far differant than what we see in our significant others. Their are intimate moments in Any relationship that is only expressed in private. Their is obviously something this girl offers your son that you cannot see looking from the out side in.
In my personal experience, my inlaws hating me has driven a wedge between my wife and her family. They have a hard time dealing with the fact that I an not religious. It is very easy to fixate on everything you think is bad about a person and hard to open your eyes to everything that is good in that person. In my parents eyes my wife wouldn't be my top choice either but they keep it to them self and still welcome my wife as they would any other family member. The same can't be said for my wife's family hence creating a gap in the relationship my wife has with her family.
Even if what your son is experiencing is simply lust, it won't last long. There get to be a point when looking over all the negitives of a person gets old in a relationship and thoughs negitives slowly work away at the relationship without any help from anyone else. If it does work out, then good for them since she will likely become his new immediate family if they get married and that will be the person he will and should be spending most of his life with. You will just have to learn to accept your sons choices for what they are.
What our parents see in our significant others is far differant than what we see in our significant others. Their are intimate moments in Any relationship that is only expressed in private. Their is obviously something this girl offers your son that you cannot see looking from the out side in.
In my personal experience, my inlaws hating me has driven a wedge between my wife and her family. They have a hard time dealing with the fact that I an not religious. It is very easy to fixate on everything you think is bad about a person and hard to open your eyes to everything that is good in that person. In my parents eyes my wife wouldn't be my top choice either but they keep it to them self and still welcome my wife as they would any other family member. The same can't be said for my wife's family hence creating a gap in the relationship my wife has with her family.
Even if what your son is experiencing is simply lust, it won't last long. There get to be a point when looking over all the negitives of a person gets old in a relationship and thoughs negitives slowly work away at the relationship without any help from anyone else. If it does work out, then good for them since she will likely become his new immediate family if they get married and that will be the person he will and should be spending most of his life with. You will just have to learn to accept your sons choices for what they are.
What our parents see in our significant others is far differant than what we see in our significant others.
Exactly. And not just the parents. Friends, family, employers, co-workers, law enforcement, courts, medics. It makes no difference what they see or say. It's what the one who's directly in it sees or doesn't see that makes the difference. One person's horror can be another person's bliss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mo8414
You will just have to learn to accept your sons choices for what they are.
Maybe learn to accept the fact that our adult children will make their choices and we are not responsible for those.
The military will do a lot of work on him that you could never do as a parent. Add to that, once he gets to his permanent duty station, girls galore both on base and off...lots of girls like a man in uniform...interest in a controlling 18 year old should fade fast.
I would love to hear from other parents of adult children (adult but still living at home) who have experienced really not liking their child's SO.
Our son recently (within last two months) established a relationship with an 18 year old girl that we tried to like, but unfortunately have just had enough and have realized that we don't really like her at all.
Thankfully, our son is now off at boot camp so she has very little to no access to him. We are grateful for this, as she was becoming increasingly controlling and manipulative.
How do you tell your son to grow a backbone, and that this relationship is toxic, without insulting him or pushing him away? We are feeling very concerned and frustrated. We've never gone through this before so I would like to hear from other parents who have.
My first thought is to let your son make his own life. If he loves her, let that be good enough for you. Butt out.
That said, if you really feel your son is a pathetic, spineless wimp and you do manage to get him (or if you) to chase this gal off, who do you think he will choose next when not under your control? I have a clue for you, but I want you to guess...
He's at boot right now, he can't marry her yet and there's a good chance his feelings might change.
He'll have a graduation, don't give her any info if she asks. If he wants her at graduation that badly he'll figure something out. Depending on branch he might have some leave or he could go right on to tech school.
It's not easy but try not to stress too much while he's gone.
He's at boot right now, he can't marry her yet and there's a good chance his feelings might change.
He'll have a graduation, don't give her any info if she asks. If he wants her at graduation that badly he'll figure something out. Depending on branch he might have some leave or he could go right on to tech school.
It's not easy but try not to stress too much while he's gone.
Or hers. It sounds very romantic to have a sweetheart away at boot camp. But then your girlfriends take you out dancing and you get attention from a cute guy......That's what typically happens when you're 18.
Or hers. It sounds very romantic to have a sweetheart away at boot camp. But then your girlfriends take you out dancing and you get attention from a cute guy......That's what typically happens when you're 18.
Your son will likely be receiving a lot of mail from her, including pictures. These will likely make him much feel closer to her, unless she becomes very needy and demanding in them. (I guess nowadays its text messages and email, and if he is allowed to have that, then it would be the same....maybe. I still think snail mail is more intimate.)
The only time I ever got handwritten letters from one of my brothers was when he was going through boot camp, and he literally begged me to write to him and send him cookies and things. He was so lonely.
That loneliness can cause your son to miss his girlfriend even more than if she were readily available.
I don't think you mentioned your son's age, just the girl's age of 18. Your son, if he "has a weakness for beautiful women" is likely as insecure as she is. Personality and respect and good humor should be far more important to him than her beauty. Things like her wanting him to buy her expensive jewelry and having a fit for him telling people they met online (since many people do that) are concerning, and should be to him, too.
On the one hand, her young age seems to be a good thing, in that she may start dating while he is gone and they will break up, like most young people do, but I would be concerned about the "children" comment your son made. She may be pregnant, or may not be using birth control.
What is her home life like? Has she shown signs that she wants to get married soon?
I'm not suggesting you confront your son directly about her, because that will likely backfire, but the advice you got about mentioning specific behaviors of hers that you find troublesome is very good, I think.
Does your son have siblings or good friends that can also write to him and send him funny things so that she won't be the only young person from home communicating with him?
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We are feeling very concerned and frustrated. We've never gone through this before so I would like to hear from other parents who have.
