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So I have a six year old son whom I share custody with and he obviously has been learning bad things. Yesterday I was out shopping and had him with me. We were in the store and I was just browsing when he sees a woman and says "hey mom look at her" and points I just thought he was fixated on how she looked because she was dressed quite scantily.
She had on a pretty low top, mini skirt, had pink hair, large hoop earrings and acrylic nails. I just said some people dress differently and didn't think much of it. So I go back to browsing and unbeknownst to me she started walking in our direction, and the next thing I hear right behind me is my son saying "are you a prostitute?" I immediately turn around and see her and she obviously not pleased and profusely apologized saying I don't know where he heard that. She put on a very angry face and said "no I am not!" and walked off.
I immediately got out of the store and went straight home and told him to never say anything like that again and asked him where he heard it. He said at dad's. I have been trying to get ahold of my ex husband to talk about this but he hasn't been answering. But I am mortified and want answers.
Please enlighten us. Exactly WHAT made you think you would find any answers here, from total strangers?
From your description, that would have been my thought also. However, I am not 6 years old, so I would never say anything. Probably.
Blaming your ex and creating conflict with him solves nothing.
Someone could have made an offhand comment. He could have seen something on TV. It certainly doesn't mean your child has any idea what a prostitute is. He was probably trying to figure it out. Children see and hear things they shouldn't hear all the time. They say stuff they shouldn't say. They embarrass their parents. It's their job.
Once my daughter went to Walmart and twirled around in a skirt thru the whole store. We bumped into her preschool teacher. Got home and discovered she had No underwear. Another time, a dad at church group offered to race her and she told him he was too fat. She was about 4 both times. We survived.
Most important is you talk to your SON about what is and is not appropriate to say to people. He should always check with you if he isn't sure, before he says something. Tell him some words are for grownups and he'll understand better when the time is right. Use this as a teachable moment and move on.
If you make a stink about this, your son will learn that he has the power to create conflict between you and dad, and you do NOT want that to happen. No lasting harm was done to anyone.
Now would be a really good time to develop your sense of humor because as a single mom, you aren't going to survive without it. I would have been mortified also, but it would have taken me about a week to find that story completely hilarious, and I would have told it to everyone I know.
Your son could have heard it from anywhere. Media is full of messages that **** shame women, calling them whores and the like for how they dress. Even most religious texts do it. And of course, sex work is heavily criminalized and thus will be freely discussed on things like the evening or morning news, same as any other activity deemed criminal.
There's really no reason to cause conflict with your ex about this. Though, certainly if y'all have a good relationship and frequently discuss parenting issues, then go ahead and talk to him about it. Otherwise, there is no reason you shouldn't go ahead and accept that your son could have learned it anywhere and it doesn't necessarily have to be some super horrible thing. Have a talk with him, tell him it's inappropriate to ask private questions like this, especially to strangers or others you don't know well. Explain why it's inappropriate (i.e. sex work is criminalized and shamed and not something people will take kindly to discussing publicly).
Prostitute isn't a bad word. It's the name of a profession. The way one discusses it is the problem and it's easy peasy to teach your child what is and isn't appropriate to discuss with others.
6 year-olds have no filter. You were properly mortified (I'd have been, too). Now, look back and allow yourself to laugh. You'll be telling this story in years to come. And yes, talk to his dad and cut the anger and attitude when you discuss it. Don't assume that dad is actually teaching it to him. Kid probably heard it on tv or during a discussion. Trust me, he'll pick up things from you/your home when you don't even realize he's listening
Well I talked to his father and he swears he never said anything like that and he must have heard it somewhere else. Guess I have to go off that. I fee horrible for that woman though.
At age six, a child still has a lot to learn about what is and is not acceptable conversation.
When my older son was that age, he was on the porch as my wife was talking to a neighbor and one of the neighbor's friends. My son was tugging on my wife's shirt, and when he got her attention he said, pointing at the friend: "That man has a great big huge giant butt!".
Now, he wasn't being mean. As far as we could tell, he was merely impressed by the proportions of the butt in question. He had not yet learned that such things are generally not attributes that please their owners, and certainly are not talked about in front of them.
It did not help that the 'man' was, in fact, a woman.
At that age, a child will have learned some manners. But there will still be much to learn. And they will be learning of words and about concepts before they come to understand the social nuances of discussing such things. That's just part of growing up - and of shepherding children through childhood.
Well I talked to his father and he swears he never said anything like that and he must have heard it somewhere else. Guess I have to go off that. I fee horrible for that woman though.
Don't. Maybe she will go home, look in the mirror and realize that she was accused of being a prostitute for good reason. He may have just gave her a important life lesson.
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