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THIS WILL BE LONG.SKIP TO "SIMPLY PUT" FOR THE ACTUAL QUESTION W/ NO INFORMATION .
So mother figure is just craptastic. She is emotionally neglectful, financially unstable, and has some type of mental disorder (like slight autism or something, I don't remember or care). She has no degree, no ambition it seems, and God forbid she actual gets a job. To add on her collects checks. I'm okay with that, if you need it you need it. But I am not okay with what she spends it on. She spends half on beer, cigarettes, going to the bar (she has no job, so I know its all check money) and herself. She spends the other half on my brothers. Two boys, 15 and 16/autistic, who need more than a pair of jeans a month and maybe a new shirt each. They're hitting a growth spurt and eat as much as two grown men each and grow out of clothes like nothing! At least she buys almost enough food, I give her that.
At 19: my credit score is considerably higher, I have significantly more job experience (starting with my first one lasting more than a month), I have a higher education, I have a car and license (she has no license and I bought the car by myself), and I am making more money than she is. In reality, I am better off with her helping me just by showing me what NOT to do. Her showing me my life if I never go to college and get my degree. Yet I am not currently in school, as I owe money, but I have a scholarship granted if I do this job for one year and it'll really open up tons of opportunities in my life for me to move up.
The relationship with my brothers, as of now, is more fatherly than brotherly. I am more of their father figure, as their dad is absentee, than I am an older brother. Yeah we playfight and argue sometimes, but I really do parent them more than anything and my brother pretty much says I act like their dad and is okay with that. I am currently the only one actually related to and encouraging the youngest, who has been getting into some trouble recently. I noticed our talks help him out so I try to keep in contact at all times. I just live in another city than them so it's hard.
But simply put: Would it be possible for me, and even allowed since I'm not 21 yet, to get custody from my mother? I don't care, I will put my life on hold for those boys if I can. I just want to know if it's possible. She already has DCFS on her from stuff earlier involving the youngest and I don't want them to go to foster care, or be separated cause that will NOT go down good. But I'm actually sure it will happen and if there's a chance I can step in I will.
I'll say that we have a parent who can take them, our grandmother, but she has voiced she will only that the 16 y/o as "he has done nothing wrong, (15 y/o) can ruin his life with someone else". So she's out of the question. Though that pisses me off as she does nothing to help or prevent, so she really has no say in how he acts if she can't get help out a little bit other than yell at him about being a failure.
While your intentions are noble I'm not sure you fully understand the care required for a teen with autism.
I don't know, I practically did the caring for. I know what he can and can't do but bottom line is, even if I get him, I'll need to find someone to be with him when I'm working. I should be off work an hour after school, but it's a lot better than our mom practically leaving him to his own devices for god knows how long.
Your heart is in the right place, but it's a bad idea. While your brothers may not have a wonderful life, they are not in danger.
Get your own life in order. Finish your sexual transitioning, and your education. You'll be in a much better position to help your brothers afterwards. Let them know you will be there to give them a leg up as soon as you can. But, now isn't the time.
Your heart is in the right place, but it's a bad idea. While your brothers may not have a wonderful life, they are not in danger.
Get your own life in order. Finish your sexual transitioning, and your education. You'll be in a much better position to help your brothers afterwards. Let them know you will be there to give them a leg up as soon as you can. But, now isn't the time.
If I go with you, I'm hoping it stays the way it is because anything worse will put them in danger. Thats what I'm worried about.
So things better stay okay for the next three years. Then I'll have my degree. Even then, knowing them, it's something on my mind constantly. I know her and know she will, and has in the past, put us in dangerous situations. That's what's concerning me. Our grandmother knows and, again told me, she doesn't care. Our mother obviously doesn't. Its them I'm worried about. So what can I do to make sure they're taken care of? I can't just sit back, know what's going on, watch child services get increasingly involved, and just do nothing.
"But simply put: Would it be possible for me, and even allowed since I'm not 21 yet, to get custody from my mother? I don't care, I will put my life on hold for those boys if I can. I just want to know if it's possible. She already has DCFS on her from stuff earlier involving the youngest and I don't want them to go to foster care, or be separated cause that will NOT go down good. But I'm actually sure it will happen and if there's a chance I can step in I will."
My response:
Yes technically a person can petition the courts for their siblings. Persons 18 and over that is.
the courts would first assign a CASA to investigate the current home stance.
SHould the courts determine a foster home is the better choice, You can speak during that decision. They actually DO ask relatives prior to tossing them into the public system......
At the very least, contact a lawyer so you understand the FULL dynamics of this decision and the responsibility that comes with it.
If I go with you, I'm hoping it stays the way it is because anything worse will put them in danger. Thats what I'm worried about.
So things better stay okay for the next three years. Then I'll have my degree. Even then, knowing them, it's something on my mind constantly. I know her and know she will, and has in the past, put us in dangerous situations. That's what's concerning me. Our grandmother knows and, again told me, she doesn't care. Our mother obviously doesn't. Its them I'm worried about. So what can I do to make sure they're taken care of? I can't just sit back, know what's going on, watch child services get increasingly involved, and just do nothing.
Frankly, at 15, your brother needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He can see his mother screwing up her life, but he also sees you moving beyond your upbringing and towards success. You can flat out tell him you will be there to help him find a job or enroll in college if he stays out of trouble and graduates high school. And you stay in touch, reminding him of your promise.
I don't understand why all the uncles and aunts you spoke about on your previous thread are involved in your life, but not your brothers'?
Frankly, at 15, your brother needs to take responsibility for his own actions. He can see his mother screwing up her life, but he also sees you moving beyond your upbringing and towards success. You can flat out tell him you will be there to help him find a job or enroll in college if he stays out of trouble and graduates high school. And you stay in touch, reminding him of your promise.
I don't understand why all the uncles and aunts you spoke about on your previous thread are involved in your life, but not your brothers'?
Thing is, he is doing the SAME **** I did at his age. I get he should take responsibility, and I'm not happy at all with his actions, but he is honestly saying the same stuff I said, doing the same stupid **** I did, and making the same mistakes I did. And if he is thinking the same way I did, he's going to figure out too late. That's my biggest concern. I'm just hoping he can keep out of trouble this year. Going into 10th grade. Now just got to hope. Only hope he does not do the same stupid **** I did and that's give up completely. In my mind, nobody else cared so why should I? I'm just going to hope that he see's at least one person cares and seriously helps.
Now the aunts and uncles also don't care about him or my other brother. I assume it was because they weren't involved half as much in their upbringing as mine. They all taught me everything but my mom and granma moved when the boys were starting 1st and 2nd grade, so they never got to teach, or get close to, them. So they think they have a say in my life. It's also a "girl" thing, they still think I'm female and apparently that means they know what's better for me than I ever could. Makes no sense. Ask them.
When I was 18, I wanted to get my little sister away from the abusive home situation I grew up in. It wasn't possible. I was able to take care of myself but providing for a kid besides would have been impossible. My sister wasn't being physically harmed, her basic needs were being met, and no court would have given me custody of my sister.
If your brothers are getting enough food and medical care and no one is beating them, they're probably better off staying with their mother. It's great that you're doing better than your mom, but if you have to put all your focus into providing for a couple of teenagers, that's going to make college more difficult for you to afford. You need to worry more about your own future.
If your mom died or went to prison and your brothers were going into foster care, that would be a different situation.
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