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Yup. These timeouts completely work. Of course, they can't do it at daycare. You can do a timeout when you get home, but that's not as effective as finding their currency and taking it away.
Yep. You absolutely can do it at daycare. I teach preschool, and we employ it when necessary.
No teachers should deal with this behaviour, what could he be doing that isn't fun and boring him? if he's hitting his teachers, something is unleashing him to doing so, if he cant hit at all then he must hit something, is he into karate? boxing? maybe, I guess that would be a great after-daycare thing to take him to.
He does not display this behavior at home and would never dream of hitting Me or his Mother in the face. He is very aware its wrong and bad and that he will be in trouble and promises over and over that it wont happen again.....but it always does...everyday.
^That should give you clue.
Then stop sending him to daycare. He is not ready. I had a very active middle son. I was fortunate to be a SAHM. Thank goodness because no way could he follow the strict rules of a daycare.
There are so many different kinds of education. Some kids just can't sit still, listen to instructions in a group setting. You say he does not do these things at home, only at school.
Homeschool, Montessori school, to name a couple. There are other options his personality might fit. You are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
I haven't read through all the posts, but I had an issue with my youngest son when he started pre-school. I was home with him and he never went to day care, but started pre-school at 4 years old. He had complete fits and melt downs every single day he was in school. No one understood why it was happening, but it turned out that he had a sensory processing disorder and couldn't handle all the sensory input so would lose control. The sensory input was so much greater in school than at home, that his little quirks didn't seem unbearable to me. He did some therapy which helped, but it just generally got better as he got older.
These are some symptoms of SPD. They don't have to have all the symptoms or some might be different. For instance, rather than being unaware of pain, my son was highly sensitive to touch and would fall apart in "pain" for the slightest bump.
SPD is more common in kids on the Autism spectrum, but isn't exclusive to those on the spectrum. You can have SPD and be otherwise neurologically normal.
1. Go to the school he will be attending in the Fall. Tell them about his behavior. Ask for an IEP -individual education plan--with behavioral/emotional support.
2. Ask to have a psychologist and psychiatrist observe him before you have your first meeting with the school to develop the IEP.
3. Read and learn about the IEP requirements/process. Once you request this the school has a timeline and requirements--federal requirements- to do it. The Plan will have a behavior control/modification method in it to assist your kid with developing good behavior. And the 'team' includes some of the best professionals, including a dr. that can evaluate the kid and recommend medication and diagnosis. And best of all--no charge to you. Your tax dollars at work.
4. Do not be defensive and try to excuse his action. Say HE HAS A PROBLEM and you need to do an IEP so that we can all agree on how you will manage his problem at school. When the school wants to wait a year, say HE NEEDS HELP NOW. When the school says it will put him in special education say HE NEED THAT UNTILL HE LEARNS BETTER COPING METHODS. When the school says he will only have 12 kids in the special education class say GOOD HE WILL GET MORE TIME WITH THE TEACHER. Do not let them push you from getting what your kid needs.
5. Understand that schools like to save money and IEP's and the programs they create cost money so the school may prefer saying he is bad and suspend him. YOU have to go back to the laws and hold the school responsible to do what they are legally required to do.
Form the mother of a few adopted special education students with IEPs that included behavior modification plans.
Is it possible he is getting too much attention for this behavior?
I agree it has to stop.
Whatever approach you decide to try next, I would recommend the following:
Outline exactly what the consequence/reinforcement will be and follow through 100% of the time. Keep it simple and do not get into a long conversation with him about it. Choose a phrase and repeat it.
Ex:
"When you hit people at school you are not allowed to watch tv." If he balks - continue to repeat the same thing.
If you do positive reinforcement, do not bring up the behavior. Just say something like "You had a good day at school today, you may watch tv."
Honestly, repetition and consistency is what is necessary. It takes a lot of time to change an established behavior. Just keep trying. You are doing a great job. I know it's hard, but short term pain = long term gain where parenting is concerned. You will get through this.
Personally, I found my daughter's behavior to be affected most by tv watching. The less tv she watched, the better she behaved. Several friends have had a lot of success with their children's behaviors by severely limiting tv, too. You might want to try it.
Also, take a look at his diet. Is it heavy on processed food? Some kids are sensitive to preservatives and additives.
I was just about to mention about food too.. many additives set kids off and they behave terrible, one of my grandkids was addicted to a certain biscuit.. and would go crazy after two or three of these Jaffa biscuits.. he was a lovely child but would get destructive and nasty after eating them...
I haven't read through all the posts, but I had an issue with my youngest son when he started pre-school. I was home with him and he never went to day care, but started pre-school at 4 years old. He had complete fits and melt downs every single day he was in school. No one understood why it was happening, but it turned out that he had a sensory processing disorder and couldn't handle all the sensory input so would lose control. The sensory input was so much greater in school than at home, that his little quirks didn't seem unbearable to me. He did some therapy which helped, but it just generally got better as he got older.
These are some symptoms of SPD. They don't have to have all the symptoms or some might be different. For instance, rather than being unaware of pain, my son was highly sensitive to touch and would fall apart in "pain" for the slightest bump.
SPD is more common in kids on the Autism spectrum, but isn't exclusive to those on the spectrum. You can have SPD and be otherwise neurologically normal.
My 8yr old has SPD and she doesnt hit. The treatment for SPD is OT. The OP child would have to find someone who believes in SPD, which is hard as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve McDonald
Sounds like a good candidate for home-schooling.
Umm, just no.
-------------------------
OP- What goes on at dads house? Maybe something there is triggering it. At 5, you should be able to get Early Intervention for free in your county. Take him to a behavior pediatrician. Get him evaluations.
1. Go to the school he will be attending in the Fall. Tell them about his behavior. Ask for an IEP -individual education plan--with behavioral/emotional support.
2. Ask to have a psychologist and psychiatrist observe him before you have your first meeting with the school to develop the IEP.
3. Read and learn about the IEP requirements/process. Once you request this the school has a timeline and requirements--federal requirements- to do it. The Plan will have a behavior control/modification method in it to assist your kid with developing good behavior. And the 'team' includes some of the best professionals, including a dr. that can evaluate the kid and recommend medication and diagnosis. And best of all--no charge to you. Your tax dollars at work.
4. Do not be defensive and try to excuse his action. Say HE HAS A PROBLEM and you need to do an IEP so that we can all agree on how you will manage his problem at school. When the school wants to wait a year, say HE NEEDS HELP NOW. When the school says it will put him in special education say HE NEED THAT UNTILL HE LEARNS BETTER COPING METHODS. When the school says he will only have 12 kids in the special education class say GOOD HE WILL GET MORE TIME WITH THE TEACHER. Do not let them push you from getting what your kid needs.
5. Understand that schools like to save money and IEP's and the programs they create cost money so the school may prefer saying he is bad and suspend him. YOU have to go back to the laws and hold the school responsible to do what they are legally required to do.
Form the mother of a few adopted special education students with IEPs that included behavior modification plans.
You skipped a few steps in there. He's going to have to start school, or qualify for early intervention, to get the IEP. He'll have to have a disability that is adversely impacting his education before he gets the IEP and other less drastic interventions will be put in place first. The severity of his behavior and the school's tolerance for the behavior will determine a lot.
WOW thanks for all the replies... I wish I could respond to them all but I don't have that much time. I have read them all though.
Just an update.. we haven't received a phone call that hes kicked out yet.. AND he had a GOOD day yesterday and heres hoping for another good one today. We also took him for the introduction to the new therapist. He told her the same things he tells us but hopefully she will be able to crack his code eventually and get into what really going on.
I have thought about the "I hit- I go home" thing so I make it a very miserable experience for him when I have to pick him up.. I talk to him about what happened then he sits on his bed/stands in the corner until dinner, then bath, then bed. So its not like he gets to come home and play... and he knows hes messed up as soon as I walk in the classroom door to pick him up..
After our talk the other day when I was asking him why he doesn't listen to the teachers he said "because it makes me feel exhausted" which I have never heard him say before so I am going to adjust his bedtime/wake up time and see if his behavior improves.
He has been evaluated for alllll sensory issues aswell... and they say nothing is "wrong" with him.. he displays no behavior to them that says otherwise.
He also has a good diet like I said she cooks homemade meals every night and we all eat as a family.. eggs, pancakes, oatmeal in the morning... we don't just load him up with mac n cheese and lunchables haha.
The only time he watches TV is cartoons in the morning while his breakfast is cooking and he drinks his juice/medicine (hes on a small dose laxative -which yes, we have also considered being a factor)
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
1) You have to find his currency. You rattled off a whole bunch of things that were not his currency, good on you for trying. Keep looking. Try getting him something like an iPad or something else that is very very attractive for that age group. Then let him play it 30 minutes a night. Then you can see if taking that away works as a deterrent. Basically, if you can't find a good thing to take away, trying giving him more to begin with.
I cant see myself giving him an iPad yet... but
I used his bike yesterday... he just learned how to ride a 2 wheeler with no training wheels last week so that's ALL he wants to do now... and threatening him with bike ride time appeared to have an impact on him as he then had a good day. when he got home we rode all around town and stopped at the park so he could play... I was worn out by dinner time LOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarnivalGal
First, no spanking. Ever. You don't teach a child that hitting is wrong by hitting him. Second, if he is a little more active than most, taking away outside time is the last thing you want to do. My guess is that he's got some anger issues. You say that everything is great, but being shuffled off to your dads on weekends is far from ideal, especially if Dad only wants to see him for a few hours.
I also find it really, really hard to believe that he never does stuff like this at home. When he hits at home, he should go to time out. Immediately. Don't pass go, don't collect $200. Grab his hand and take him to a designated time-out space. He sits there for 5 minutes. Period. If he gets up, grabs his hand and start the 5 minutes over again. When he screams and yells, ignore him. Don't even say a word, not even eye contact. Walk around and go about your business. When 5 minutes are up, get down on his level, and tell him, "You had to go to time-out because you hit. Hitting is not OK." Tell him you love him and let him go on his way. If you do this immediately and consistently, it really does work. The times I have seen it not work was when parents weren't consistent (gave warning after warning before actually doing something) or they engaged the child while in time-out (even telling him to sit back down or stop yelling is engaging him).
I don't want to turn this is into a pro-anti spanking debate. But ill explain a little more..
We were going for the "treat others how you would like to be treated" route. I've seen it work first hand as a child so you cannot tell me that it never works.
The rest of your comment is pretty irrelevant because that's not whats happening..... I'm not trying to butter this up in anyway.. I'm posting facts. He does not hit at home and listens when we correct him. If he gets punished he takes it no questions asked... he'll stand in the corner quietly for 5days if I tell him to without saying a word. The problem is that stuff has no effect on him... its like the guy who spends 20years in prison and then steals a car as soon as hes released LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by LLCNYC
Especially if you are not related to the child or married to his mother! This child already has BOTH parents. If they choose to do it that's their decision... not a live in boyfriend's decision.
I'm responding to you simply because I'm offended.. He has BOTH parents as in they're both still alive. Other than that he has 1 parent there for him and another parent that ships him off to grandma every other weekend, switches jobs every 3 months to evade child support, has 2 other children he does not see (1 he has NEVER seen), ran out on this kid while he was in the hospital (premature) because he "cant handle all this" oh and didn't even call..text..email on the little guys bday (2nd year in a row). I will never talk bad about him infront of the child and I encourage the time spent together.. in fact I'm the one texting dad asking if he wants him for the day or an unscheduled weekend... he never does.. but I try.
but oh I'm "just a live in boyfriend" .... just a boyfriend who changed his diapers, read him a book every night before bed, kissed his booboos all better, takes him anywhere I go just because he wants to hang out, goes to all his social event, coaching him in Tee ball, taught him how to ride a big boy bike... he went from training wheels to learning to balance without them to popping wheelies in 1hour.
But you're right.. its not my place to make decisions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockstar21
No teachers should deal with this behaviour, what could he be doing that isn't fun and boring him? if he's hitting his teachers, something is unleashing him to doing so, if he cant hit at all then he must hit something, is he into karate? boxing? maybe, I guess that would be a great after-daycare thing to take him to.
I have also brought this up to his mother... one side of me says "let him constructively hit/fight and learn self defense... but the other side of me thinks he may run with it and then ACTUALLY hurt a teacher when he gets mad. Ya know? but yes, this has also come up.
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