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Kick her scrub butt to the curb and stop allowing her to dictate how YOU live your lives. If she is made to be responsible for herself, she won't have the luxury of acting like an assclown. I seriously doubt she has been fired that often; likely she is quitting and lying to you since you continue to allow her to come home.
I agree with the 3 month plan. Or some other plan that you guys feel is fair. There are scenarios where it would be ok (like someone else mentioned with chemo, or to save money for a house, or school or things like that) but it sounds like she's just using you has a back up plan to avoid being a responsible adult. Are you sure there isn't some underlying depression going on? Or other mental issue? It may be worth getting her to talk to a therapist who can help her figure out how to get her life back in order and grow up.
Of course, from the description of their daughter, I really doubt that she is the type that would stick around once she has to do the actual work of caregiving.
There has been thread after thread on the caregiver forum where the coddled, spoiled, enabled child leaves as soon as they are actually needed by their elderly parents. These threads are sometimes written by the disappointed & heart broken parents, but usually by the responsible sibling that needs to step up financially, emotionally and in every other way after the dead beat sibling has "bleed their parent" dry and then disappears at the first sign that the parent might need them.
And, we just get one side of the story: The parents.
I can tell you that many people cannot care for their elderly parents, because they are elderly themselves.
It's hard to be a full time caretaker of a 90 year old patient with Alzheimers when you are in your 60s or 70s.
And a parent can't be "bled dry" by an adult child without their permission. It's simple: just don't give them money.
I just am so upset and disappointed. My daughter is 31, the fact is despite me and my husbands best efforts to try to make her responsible she keeps getting into trouble. She has had several jobs over the years but gets fired from them. She does have schooling but even then she hasn't been responsible.
Recently she moved moved back in with us, and for her she has always had a problem with authority. She doesn't like anyone telling her what to do, which, as you can imagine has caused a lot of problems. She has ~20,000 in school debt not even including her credit cards.
I realize we could have done better, but when she was younger I did get her in therapy which we thought helped.
She got a DUI when she was 25 and she did pay for that we told her we weren't going to pay for any of it, so with the job she had then she finally did but ended up getting fired from that job. Now after getting fired again she has moved back on with us and me and my husband don't know what to do.
So, she has gotten fired from 2 jobs in 6 years? If that is the case, it isn't exactly catastrophic.
I don't think I'd be that worried at this point. If she has a diagnosis of some form of disorder that might get her some help getting jobs for which there are agencies in place then encourage her to attend those.
She should be getting some unemployment which should float her til she finds another job.
At age 31, she doesn't need anyone telling her what to do, anyway. She can manage and make decisions for herself.
Lots of people lose jobs and it may have more to do with the economy today than anything else.
Sure you can kick her out of your house, just don't expect her to move back in when you get older and need a caretaker. It doesn't work that way.
You really think this kid is gonna be all straightened out and financially and emotionally willing and able to care for the OP when THEY need help? The OP should already know THAT ain't gonna happen!
I just am so upset and disappointed. My daughter is 31, the fact is despite me and my husbands best efforts to try to make her responsible she keeps getting into trouble. She has had several jobs over the years but gets fired from them. She does have schooling but even then she hasn't been responsible.
Recently she moved moved back in with us, and for her she has always had a problem with authority. She doesn't like anyone telling her what to do, which, as you can imagine has caused a lot of problems. She has ~20,000 in school debt not even including her credit cards.
I realize we could have done better, but when she was younger I did get her in therapy which we thought helped.
She got a DUI when she was 25 and she did pay for that we told her we weren't going to pay for any of it, so with the job she had then she finally did but ended up getting fired from that job. Now after getting fired again she has moved back on with us and me and my husband don't know what to do.
Don't listen to other people's advice and cut her off out of nowhere or ride her too hard. That could be catastrophic. You likely contributed to this behavior for 31 years so you will have to set some rules, communicate, get her commitment and start working on a plan.
Obviously you need to figure out how to keep her sustainably employed. Then you have to work on small successes and building her up into a stand alone person knowing she no longer has a safety net. Might take a year or two. Better than another 31.
I wonder how many people really have kicked their adult children out of the house when their child hit a bump (even if life tends to be more bumpy for them then usual)?
I am not sure living withy you is a problem if all the people are happy with he situation. But all adult members contribute to the household, so that is where I would focus.
Your daughter might never "grow up". There are brain and psychological conditions that make that next to impossible. Does she have one? I don't know. I think you can accept her for who she is while not being sucked down into worry and despair.
So, she has gotten fired from 2 jobs in 6 years? If that is the case, it isn't exactly catastrophic.
I don't think I'd be that worried at this point. If she has a diagnosis of some form of disorder that might get her some help getting jobs for which there are agencies in place then encourage her to attend those.
She should be getting some unemployment which should float her til she finds another job.
I agree.
I also think OP brought up the fact that the daughter had a DUI six years ago just so we'd all say "oh yeah, what a loser". While that is not admirable at all, I don't think it makes her a horrible person. My husband got fired from a job last year and we didn't consider it catastrophic or that he's some loser. He just went out and got a new job. My Dad, who is elderly, got a DUI about five years ago (he's an alcoholic). Again, not admirable at all. People make mistakes though.
Other than that, I would say to the OP that if you don't want your daughter living in your home, give her thirty-days notice to find a new place to live; and that will be the end of it.
I wonder how many people really have kicked their adult children out of the house when their child hit a bump (even if life tends to be more bumpy for them then usual)?
I know many people who were kicked out of their parents' home once they turned 18. It's not really ideal as the typical 18 year old is still a teenager and doesn't always make good decisions. My mom was kicked out of her house at 18 and had to go get a factory job. That was many years ago, but there aren't as many factory jobs anymore due to outsourcing. It is a lot harder for an 18 year old kid to get a starter job of some sort.
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