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We live in a cul-de-sac and there's only 8 houses. She really is leaving without asking or checking with me. I was shocked when it happened the first time. I was surprised to be honest that she would do this but she doesn't get a lot of help from her husband. I suspect that's why she did it.
The back of our house is all pretty much windows so we see them when they are outside on the trampoline and they go upstairs and play in my daughter's room with her legos and dolls and stuff.
I know my daughter probably won't want to play with her for much longer but I really do need to say something.
So crazy! I would be so shocked! Especially with her age! I live in a similar neighborhood (safe, small, cup-de-sac) and no parents have even come close to that. Its scary. What if you sent Mary home and no one was there?!
I think I would have to be very firm with the mother, so she fully understands the boundaries. And if I find she continues to leave her 3 year old daughter, consider even calling the authorities. This isn't safe! Its such strange behavior.
I would have been livid if a parent had left a preschooler alone without clarifying and asking exactly who was supervising her and until what time.
I am confused. How can Mary just "come over to play" without an adult? How can you "send a three year old home"? Obviously, a parent has to walk her home. Or is this three year just wandering all around the neighborhood by herself?
Frankly, I would set some firm rules and fast. Mary needs to come over with a parent to ask if she can stay at your house to play and at that time set a firm time for when an adult will take her home or Mom will pick her up.
IMHO, you have to nip this in the bud before the neighbors consider you their full time free babysitter.
BTW, in many neighborhoods a seven year old would not be considered "old enough" to be responsible enough to walk a three year old home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Riley09swb
We live in a cul-de-sac with 8 houses. My daughter walks her home 3 houses over.
I am assuming that you are able to see your daughter during her entire trip to and from Mary's house, and are actually watching each and every time.
Otherwise, I would hate to be in your shoes if either of the girls are hurt/hit by a car/abducted or if someone reports the situation to the police or to CPS. "But, Officer, I really thought that a seven year old child is old enough to safely walk a three year old child home. After all it is only three houses away."
Hmmm, really?
Last edited by germaine2626; 10-21-2016 at 05:48 PM..
I agree with the the others. That's crazy and entitled. I would make sure to say "We'll bring her home at 4 so we can do xyz" each and every time, whether you have anything to do or not. It may not be what the girl is used to, but she shouldn't get the idea that you have nothing to do, either. You should be able to take her home as well as have her mom come get her.
I agree with the the others. That's crazy and entitled. I would make sure to say "We'll bring her home at 4 so we can do xyz" each and every time, whether you have anything to do or not. It may not be what the girl is used to, but she shouldn't get the idea that you have nothing to do, either. You should be able to take her home as well as have her mom come get her.
I don't even think they need to say "so we can do xyz". I'd just say "I'll send her home in an hour" every single time. (Sending her meaning watching her walk to her door and go in at that age)
Direct and with diplomacy state the reality of facts.
suggest strongly that she find a babysitter who can randomly be available for when the parent has a priority to attend.
What I find sad is the little child will be ousted simply because of her parents poor choices. I often try to understand how the child will take this disengaging from playtime...
What I find sad is the little child will be ousted simply because of her parents poor choices. I often try to understand how the child will take this disengaging from playtime...
I was that kid when I was little. My mom dumped me on everyone she could, even people who barely knew us. Some of my friends told me when I got older that my mom didn't have any friends because she used everyone and never did any favors in return. I felt very isolated as a child but there were lots of other factors...my dad is a paranoid schizophrenic and my mom has narcissistic personality disorder.
When I was a teen and could get out of the house and make friends without my parents' influence, that was a lot better.
Even knowing it's not fun for the child involved, I still had to learn how to say no to the people who wanted to use me as a free sitter.
Time # 1 I would have made it very clear that you can not/will not be responsible for her daughter. If she had needed medical attention would you have been able to sign for it?
I have a neighbor likes this, she and my daughter are a year apart. The day we moved in - the VERY DAY - she came over and asked my daughter to come over for a playdate. I was like - um, no. I don't even know where you freaking live.
A couple months go by and we have adjacent backyards and the girls start playing together. Eventually we start having situations exactly like you are describing, and every time I go over there to get my daughter it is like she wants to hold her hostage. I am nowhere close to the world's best housekeeper but the house is FILTHY. Mr. has turned off the ringer on the phone so if I call they don't answer.
You're not going like my advice, but it's like a band aid, rip it off and be done with it - have a frank discussion with the mom and tell her this whole thing is not working for you. The final straw for me was when she took my daughter out, without my knowledge or permission, without a car seat.
I found out later on that everyone in the neighborhood had had the same experience with this family. Everyone called it the "Katie Dump". Also found out that the school had had to call CPS on the mom for the child missing too much school. Just bad all around. Don't wait until you snap - have a chat.
I agree with the the others. That's crazy and entitled. I would make sure to say "We'll bring her home at 4 so we can do xyz" each and every time, whether you have anything to do or not. It may not be what the girl is used to, but she shouldn't get the idea that you have nothing to do, either. You should be able to take her home as well as have her mom come get her.
I limited the play time this weekend. Mary was over playing yesterday and after an hour she went home. That's what I will do each and every time.
I can't imagine leaving a child without asking the other mom. Our son goes over to neighbors' homes and plays with other kids all the time. I watch him and check with the other parent if I want to run to the store or take the dog around the block first. They do the same with us. It's not a big unusual for our 3 yr old neighbor to come over with his bigger brother on their own but they are 2 houses down and mom always checks first. Super easy and sweet kid.
We all help each other out. In that scenario I'd say something like "can you check in before you leave your house if she's over here please? I need to know there's an adult there in case something were to happen." or "I'm happy to watch her today, is there any way you can watch my daughter tomorrow so I can run to the store?" You may be able to work out some sort of mutually beneficial system with that mom if you can get to know and trust her. If you don't trust her though obviously don't leave your daughter with her.
Good luck!
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If she had needed medical attention would you have been able to sign for it?
