Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My oldest son who is 28 just left USA after spending the holiday here. I can't even began to say how heartbroken I am.
When my son was 24, he went to Europe for a month. As soon as he got back, he broken up with his long time girlfriend with very weak explanation. This was rough for us as we considers this girl to be a perfect fit for him. She was a dedicated Christian and pretty much keep my son from wandering away from the belief. They also were looking to buying a house and getting engaged right before my son left for Europe.
Not long after that, he started to spend more and more time oversea. At first, we assumed he was just going through a phase and would eventually stay here. Especially with how many different countries he have been going to and returning to only few more than once.
Also we didn't think he'd have the guts, ability or desire to go through all trouble to move for good.
Last Christmas, he chose to spend it in Ukraine with a Belgian girl he met few weeks earlier instead of coming here. It was hard! But I made him promise to come for this year.
Last month, out of blue, he announced he's getting rid of everything and leaving USA for good and splitting time between two different countries.
He came to spend two weeks with us before he leave. It wasn't pretty. He brushed off every concern the family had, turned down every kind of offer to stay or made ridiculous stipulate, wasn't very friendly or socializin with anyone but his two sisters. I caught myself having to tiptoeing around him a lot because there was so much I want to scream into his face about how he threw everything away and how much I'm worried about him and all that. But I don't want to strain the relationship.
He barely talk to anybody else now. In fact when the family were here to say bye, everybody could tell he wasn't thrilled and wanted to get away.
It was incredibly painful and hard to watch him getting onto the airplane to leave.
I felt like I had failed as a parent and that his relationship with the family had been badly strained to the point where it just cannot be normal again anymore. It also is hard and embarrassing to tell others about this situation.
I'm hoping to be able to talk to somebody who had a child who moved out of the country or is quite distant from most of the family.
Your post comes across as controlling and/or smothering...
It sounded that way to me, too.
I would be delighted that my adult child found a place that he loved, had good friends and a good job no matter where it was in the world (assuming those things were true).
BTW, our adult daughter is a volunteer in the Peace Corps in Africa and we will not be able to see her for 2 1/4 years. We are happy that she is doing what she loves and is serving her country.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,758,476 times
Reputation: 41381
I'm the same age as your son and I think you come across as smothering. First, what your son does with his love life is his business and he does not owe you ANY explanation. If you hound him enough, he won't be forthcoming at all with it.
Second, your son probably decided to leave Christianity long before he broke up with his girlfriend, he just made it official after breaking up with his girl.
Your son is at a crossroads in his life and decided a new start is best for him at this time. You better support him at a time he needs it or he will see you as a naysayer and he won't be particularily bothered to keep touch.
I could have honesty written a lot of your son's story, minus the women.
That baby boy that you brought home from the hospital is now a full grown man, capable of making his own decisions and choices about his life. His long time girlfriend 'the dedicated Christian who would keep your son from wandering from the belief' may have been a perfect fit for you but obviously not for him. And I say this as a Christian, no person can keep another person from wandering from his faith. He is the one who has to make his faith personal to him. It's up to him to him to decide whether or not he continues to follow his faith or not.
He was probably distant with most of your family because he knew how unhappy and disappointed you are in him deciding to remain overseas. You didn't think 'that he had the guts, ability or desire to go through all the trouble to move for good?' He brushed off every kind of offer to stay, made ridiculous statements and wasn't very friendly? You probably made your disapproval clear about how he is living his life so how was he supposed to react? Did you give him any encouragement as he starts his new life? Did you tell him how proud you were of him as he starts the new phase in his life? Or did you try to exert control over his life as if he was a little boy again? Do you wonder why he felt the need to put an entire continent between him and his family?
If you have given him the proper tools as a child, you should be able to trust that he will make his own way in life. He may stumble but he will learn to get back on the right path. It's normal to be worried about your children, especially as they leave home but it is time for you and the family to let him lead his own life. Some of his decisions will disappoint you but they are his to make. You can continue to wallow in self pity because he isn't under your control any more or you can reach out to him as an adult. It's your choice.
Well when you and your family is unsupportive in a time when you should be supportive of his decision its not surprising he was distant. You should have cut the apron strings 10 years ago. Maybe he is moving away so he doesn't have to constantly feel pressured to live life as you planed it.
My oldest son who is 28
...
we considers this girl to be a perfect fit for him
...
we didn't think he'd have the guts, ability or desire
...
I made him promise to come for this year
...
I want to scream into his face about how he threw everything away
...
he wasn't thrilled and wanted to get away.
I would like to congratulate your son on getting away from such controlling people.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
