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@anyrate, keep pushing him with your love and guidance; he will begin to hate you enough to leave.
What do you mean by "such a thing"? You think I'm unreasonable for wanting a 23-year-old man not to live off me like a little boy? Ask anyone who was kids over the age of 22 if they still want their kids living with them. We'll always love our kids more than anything but our kids are going to outlive us. That's why it's important for our kids to become self-sufficient. And you know what else? I'm getting to be an old woman(I'm 53), which means I'm not going to be around much longer and so I want to enjoy a relaxing life while I can.
What do you mean by "such a thing"? You think I'm unreasonable for wanting a 23-year-old man not to live off me like a little boy? Ask anyone who was kids over the age of 22 if they still want their kids living with them. We'll always love our kids more than anything but our kids are going to outlive us. That's why it's important for our kids to become self-sufficient. And you know what else? I'm getting to be an old woman(I'm 53), which means I'm not going to be around much longer and so I want to enjoy a relaxing life while I can.
You could well be around another 40 years. If this is your only child, you should consider helping him out. You may find yourself dependent on him 30 years from now. He might have power of attorney over you. At that point, it would be too late to try to rewrite the past, and be nice to him.
What do you mean by "such a thing"? You think I'm unreasonable for wanting a 23-year-old man not to live off me like a little boy? Ask anyone who was kids over the age of 22 if they still want their kids living with them. We'll always love our kids more than anything but our kids are going to outlive us. That's why it's important for our kids to become self-sufficient. And you know what else? I'm getting to be an old woman(I'm 53), which means I'm not going to be around much longer and so I want to enjoy a relaxing life while I can.
Im not buying this, brah.
No loving mother would kick their kid out when her child is broke and needs help.
A mother's lament: "I told him he was welcome to stay with me as long as he wanted."
Words matter as much as the sentiment behind them and many parents have come to choke on such words. This mother-son relationship has deteriorated rapidly and I believe there is an undeniable and unsettling harshness to the tone of the comments from the OP. In the interest of fairness, the only side to messages such as hers is that forum members are exposed to the perspective of just one of the parties to the resulting conflict. There could be additional underlying issues in play as well.
Bottom line: There must be a realization (albeit reluctant) that she cannot expect his imminent exit from the home or even significant boost in his contribution to household expenses given his employment situation. However, it is not solely about the money ... what appears to be of paramount important is that the peace and serenity of living alone that the OP had enjoyed for years has been shattered.
Before everything turns toxic, more discussion needs to take place and ideas explored that might lead to a resolution without enforcement action being pursued. Not having a true legal obligation to continue supporting an adult child is one thing, but what about the morality of such a decision? Words do matter ... so do actions. As far as her son is concerned, the last thing he envisioned as he turned 23 was finding himself in the current living arrangement being back with "Mommy."
What do you mean by "such a thing"? You think I'm unreasonable for wanting a 23-year-old man not to live off me like a little boy? Ask anyone who was kids over the age of 22 if they still want their kids living with them. We'll always love our kids more than anything but our kids are going to outlive us. That's why it's important for our kids to become self-sufficient. And you know what else? I'm getting to be an old woman(I'm 53), which means I'm not going to be around much longer and so I want to enjoy a relaxing life while I can.
From your post it sounds like you kind of flipped on him. First you create the expectation that he can stay as long as he wants (big mistake--as you admit) then you flip the other way and tell him he has 2 months to move out (going from one extreme to the other).
You basically created a monster without wanting to see your role in doing so.
Eh, plenty of 20-30 year olds nowadays live with their parents, and neither party minds it whatsoever, especially with how the job economy is.
Plus, even if they do live with their parents, a lot of them work and saving up money for their future, and also contribute around the house.
Is your son working and making money? Is he doing chores around the house? Does he treat you well?
Also, how do you know he'll even have enough money in the bank to move out? He may be lashing out at you cause he's stressed about figuring out how he'll manage his finances to move now. Look at it from his perspective.
Stop. Lazy 20-30 year olds still living at home is not normal. Further it doesn't matter what the "kid" does or doesn't do.
If the parent wants them to move out, that's all that matters.
Coddling someone like this only enables them, and encourages this behavior throughout their lives.
Tell him the date of departure. If that doesn't work, call the cops!
Stop. Lazy 20-30 year olds still living at home is not normal. Further it doesn't matter what the "kid" does or doesn't do.
If the parent wants them to move out, that's all that matters.
Coddling someone like this only enables them, and encourages this behavior throughout their lives.
Tell him the date of departure. If that doesn't work, call the cops!
Gimme a break here.
When you say 20-30 year olds, that also implies people in their early 20's. Well over 50% of 20-22 (and maybe even 23 or 24 year olds) live with their parents. For Christ sakes, my grandparents lived with my grandfathers mother and father when they first got married and were 20-21 and this was back in 1958-1959, before I have to read some spiel about it being some new "Entitled generation" phenomenon.
I would bet a large percentage of 20-22 year olds that are not living at home still, are in college and living on campus or near it. And even many of them come home and stay with their parents from May-August when school is out.
I feel sorry for any parent who has such a horrible relationship with they kids that they want them to leave. I never wanted my two sons to go. We signed on as parents for life, not just 21 years, or whatever. I guess every parent sees it differently.
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