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So my 6 year old daughter comes over every weekend and stays with me. I tend to be a bit more lax in terms of food than what she gets during the week.
Nothing horrible. Cereal or eggs in the morning. Tuna with mayo, cheese sticks, apple sauce. Sometimes organic apple juice. Dinner mac and cheese. Pizza. Stuff like that. I do know she loves candy so I let her have some gushers or fruit by the foot. Stuff like that.
Problem is her mom is not a fan. She gets very angry and yells at me for giving her those things. To me, its once a week, not a huge deal. To her mom it's awful. I feel I should be allowed to feed my kid what I want. Now she is telling her mom that Im telling her to lie which is not true.
Come to an agreement with your ex on what your daughter can eat and stick with it. If you can't come to an agreement then tell your ex what you are going to do and keep your daughter out of it.
Don't lie and don't ask your daughter to lie.
BTW - if you think it is appropriate for your daughter to have a treat once or twice a week don't assume that should only be when she is with you.
What you described is fine for a 6 year old. You can tell your ex to stuff it in my opinion.
Your daughter is in your charge when she is with you. You can feed her what you like. If your ex has a problem, she can go back to court and ask the arrangements be modified, and a judge can rule. As long as what you wrote was true, a judge would not change the arrangements.
Your daughter should not lie, and your ex should not get mad at her for what she eats at your house.
as calm as you can, let the ex realize that the child should not be in the middle of an already difficult situation, and she should respect what you feed her in your care. Agree to change the menu, let her win this one.
the weekends are for you and your daughter, and for your ex to have a break for herself. You need to agree that you both want your daughter happy, and kids need "sneaky snacks" once in a while.
But i would encourage you to feed your daughter a home cooked meal from scratch instead. It sounds like typical quickie meals are the problem. If you feed her grilled chicken, a small salad and rice instead, the ex wont have much to say. once you have a dinner system set, you can whip a meal from fridge to table in under 45 minutes.
the tug of war with divorce and courts is just adding trauma to a child that has to pay for adult problems. dont feed into it, your daughters happiness and the quality time you get to share with her is more important.
is modifying dinner something you can reasonably do? what do you eat for dinner?
remember, moms want to hear water, fruit, veggies, and fresh, and they dislike hearing fast food, soda, candy.
So my 6 year old daughter comes over every weekend and stays with me. I tend to be a bit more lax in terms of food than what she gets during the week.
Nothing horrible. Cereal or eggs in the morning. Tuna with mayo, cheese sticks, apple sauce. Sometimes organic apple juice. Dinner mac and cheese. Pizza. Stuff like that. I do know she loves candy so I let her have some gushers or fruit by the foot. Stuff like that.
Problem is her mom is not a fan. She gets very angry and yells at me for giving her those things. To me, its once a week, not a huge deal. To her mom it's awful. I feel I should be allowed to feed my kid what I want. Now she is telling her mom that Im telling her to lie which is not true.
Am I wrong? Or should I just cave on this?
From what you've described, and it's only one side, your ex seems to be overreacting. At the same time, this is her daughter too, and she has not only the right but the responsibility to care about what she's being fed. So knowing that, I think your notion of being allowed to feed her 'whatever you want' is a poor approach. Respect your ex's concerns and have a discussion. Agree on a meal plan, limits on sweets, etc. You both want what's best for your daughter, so consider your ex a teammate, not an opponent. Telling her to "stuff it" and go talk to the court is probably the worst advice I've ever seen offered on this board.
The point I was making is that when the daughter is in dad's care, he can feed her as he feels fit. As long as the meals provide adequate amount of nourishment and nutrition (what he described does) he is providing adequate care for his daughter.
The mom doesn't get to decide how the show is run at dad's house.
What kind of food does her mother expect? My opinion is that what your meals mainly lack is fruits and vegetables. It doesn't have to be complicated. Give your daughter orange segments or apple slices or grapes for breakfast, carrot and celery sticks at lunch, and a premade salad with dinner. You should eat those things too, both for your own sake and to set a good example.
Maybe you could try to fit in at least one vegetable (carrot sticks?), and make sure she's drinking m ilk and not soda. Otherwise I wouldn't worry about changing.
As long as you daughter is not overweight it's fine! Now if she is, you might want to watch the treats. I have two daughters (8 & 10) and they are super thin, so as long as they eat their veggies and fruit then yes they can have some treats, including fruit snacks and fruit roll ups. Geez, I don't even think those are bad! Pizza and Mac n' Cheese, my daughters LOVE that stuff! It's fine, not going to kill them. But I agree with the others, you need to come to a happy medium with the mom. Maybe give her that stuff once in awhile instead of every weekend.
For the most part I agree that you should be able to feed your daughter the way you want to when she's with you. But I also don't think it's fair to your ex for you to get to be the fun parent all the time while she has to be the one to make sure your daughter eats well and doesn't overload on junk food. Sure, it's just once a week, but if it's always when your daughter is with you, then her mom might not feel like she can blow off the healthy dinner once a week and get a pizza.
You and your ex are in this child-raising for the long haul. Talk to her and see if you can work out some sort of compromise.
P.S. The above is true when it comes to chores and responsibilities and later, homework. It's not fair if your household is fun all the time and then when your daughter goes home she's resentful because she has to make her bed.
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