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The most common reason for prolonged and persistent biting is sensory issues....that's how. I see you and the next poster don't actually know much about sensory problems in children.
I am not diagnosing the child, but I wanted to share my experience with my son who bit into his 3's because of sensory issues. He was in occupational therapy for 2 years and it helped tremendously.
To the posters who wonder how sensory issues could be related to biting. Everyone's nervous system has a certain level of based stimulation that their nervous system provides. Kids that are sensory avoiding (which is what people think of when they hear sensory issues) have overactive nervous systems so that a little bit of extra stimulation sends them over the edge, such as the kid who doesn't like being touched or who can't handle wearing socks from the texture.
However, kids that have an underactive nervous system are constantly looking additional stimulation. My son was oral sensory seeking so he need extra stimulation from his mouth. He also liked to run into things and touch people for sensory seeking. One way he got it was biting people. We were able to redirect him and gave him alternate things to chew on such as vibrating toys or chewing necklaces. We also learned how to structure his day so he got plenty of sensory stimulation in his joints to reduce sensory seeking.
I totally agree that biting at 4 is unacceptable but it is very possible that it is a physical issue instead of a behavior issue. Just sharing my experience with the issues.
If there are any sensory issues present in this biting child, they are not in the OP's purview.
He is not the parent of THAT child. He CAN, however, act as the parent of his own child and keep him away from the biting child until HER parents resolve (or at least even acknowledge) the problem.
If there are any sensory issues present in this biting child, they are not in the OP's purview.
He is not the parent of THAT child. He CAN, however, act as the parent of his own child and keep him away from the biting child until HER parents resolve (or at least even acknowledge) the problem.
I completely agree with this. I would keep my child away as well. The OP's job is to keep his child safe. But I wanted to mention the sensory issues in case the OP (or his wife) had any ability to mention this as a potential cause to get checked out, especially since it is a family member.
Biting kids back does not work the way people think. Biting back is just telling your kid if they bite, you will injure them. It doesn't teach empathy.
I was a random biter when I was little. You know how it ended? I bit my mother on the stomach in the ocean. She had had enough. She bit my arm. I haven't bit a person since! Magically, that cured me and here we are over 35 years later and I still haven't bitten a single person since! She did NOT injure me! There was no blood. No broken skin. Nothing. Everything in life isn't about teaching empathy. When you're act like a brat, where's the empathy for anyone who has to deal with your bratty self? Oh yeah there isn't any! Feelings get hurt in life...that's called life!
I was a random biter when I was little. You know how it ended? I bit my mother on the stomach in the ocean. She had had enough. She bit my arm. I haven't bit a person since! Magically, that cured me and here we are over 35 years later and I still haven't bitten a single person since! She did NOT injure me! There was no blood. No broken skin. Nothing. Everything in life isn't about teaching empathy. When you're act like a brat, where's the empathy for anyone who has to deal with your bratty self? Oh yeah there isn't any! Feelings get hurt in life...that's called life!
I was also a biter when I was a toddler. I used to bite my sister. My mom tried everything to get me to stop. My sister refused (4 years older) to bite me back and one day my mom had enough. She bit me. I never bit anyone again. I'm in my 40's and while I have issues with my mom that isn't one of them.
ETA: The OP has said that the child's father tried biting her back a year ago and it didn't help. It's time to find out the reason though in the meantime she shouldn't be around other kids including her sister until it's figured out.
I addressed it multiple times. We have had multiple arguments due to this issue between my wife and I. All she and her mom keeps saying is that we need to give the parents some time to find a remedy they are doing all they can and that I cant separate my son from his grandma whom he is attached to dearly.
Why can't grandma come to your house and see your son? Why is she tied down over there? If grandma wants to see her precious grandson she'll figure out a way. Otherwise it's not fair to subject your son to constant physical abuse - and it IS abuse to not stop it.
My son and his cousin were born two months apart. The daughter who is my brother in law (wife's brother) kid has had a biting issue ever since she was about 2 yrs old. They live in our neighborhood and my wife's mom also lives with them. My wife and her mom always want these two kids to play together and hang out. The girl is being home schooled while my son goes to regular daycare. She is not really hanging out with kids her age every day with occasional outings with group of kids once or twice every week.
For whatever reason, the girl's biting habit has gone from bad to worse. Like we were used to my son being bitten every other day on hand or legs and it wasn't bad. Lately she has been biting her 1 yr old sister and last weekend she bit my sons face. When I saw the bite marks on his cheeks I was pissed. My wife and her mom want to shrug this off as a non issue but I am not ok with it. I don't want to keep him away from his grandma but looks like the parents are not getting the right help in fixing the biting issue of their daughter (from what I know). I have seen them try some home remedies, shaming, handing some sort of teether to bite on etc but nothing like going to a child psychologist. She is going to be 4 in June.
So last night, I went ahead and sent an email to the parents with my concern, attaching pics of my sons's face and tons of links to online research about biting and aggressive kids behavior. Not sure if I ever will get a response back but I sent my message across. Obviously my wife is not happy about it. She thinks I made a big issue about nothing. So I am hoping I did the right thing. The email will also serve as a proof that I did notify them of their daughter's behavior. I don't want to keep my son away from them but at the same time he cannot defend himself from her. He is almost 4 too......
What else should I do?
You are right; your wife is wrong on this.
If the parents aren't addressing this, then you have to keep your kid away from the cousin. It is your job to protect your kid. This is not acceptable behavior. The cousin's parents are not doing their job. So, whoever is "punished" is being punished by the parent's inability to manage their child. I agree that the cousin is too old to be doing this, and I suspect this child will have many problems going forward.
The only thing I've ever seen work to break a child of biting is for the parent to bite them back. ( obviously, not hard enough to leave a bruise). It usually works in one try.
That's exactly the advice my mother was given when raising her two nieces. One liked to bite everyone. Mom asked the doctor what to do, he said to bite her back! It worked, and quickly, too! This was back in the 1940's. If a doctor gave such advice nowadays, he would lose his license!
Something else I read---if a child is weaned "too soon" they have an oral fixation they try to relieve by biting. Still, they need to be taught not to use other people as a teething ring
The karate class won't take him yet but as soon as he is 4 I will enroll him (matter of weeks). I did teach him some self defense but he is not picking it up
Of course he isn't, he is a normal little kid who reacts to being attacked like this by crying and looking for help from the adults....Who are letting him down terribly imo. Your wife and MIL are obviously and repeatedly failing in protecting the your son and the younger sister of the biter. And, I might add, complicit in their denial of the seriousness of this situation.
Your child should not be forced to be in the same room alone, nor should the little baby sister of the biter. Once should have been alarming, but this consistent biting is alarming to the extreme.
Actually they should be just as concerned about the biter. This child who is biting will be in big trouble in a school situation possibly even not allowed to stay in a school which at 4 years of age is possibly next year. Her parents will be sued I'll wager.
What do they do to discipline this 4 year old little girl when she bites?
What have they done to put an end to this?
I am really wanting to know.
I would forbid my wife from taking your son anywhere this biting child is, until this has stopped. If she refuses, call CPS. Let them lay out for her what her actions/inactions mean.
Last edited by JanND; 03-23-2017 at 06:31 AM..
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