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Not all babies are the same and you were definitely outside of the norm. I had one baby who napped well and one who didn't so I have seen both sides in terms of "napping when the baby naps". It works for some but that doesn't mean it will work for all.
Clearly all babies are not the same. Never said that they were all the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bondaroo
You were unusual. Not all babies are the same. There has been no mention by the OP that his son is a "baby from hell" (a horrible label, by the way).
I napped just fine when my baby did. I had friends who swore they couldn't, but as we talked about it, it often came out that they wanted to be visiting friends or shopping during the day and they were out running around and the baby napped in the stroller. The newborn phase doesn't last forever, so I made settling my baby into a schedule the priority for a few months. Anyone wanted me to do something that would have thrown my baby off our schedule and made us all miserable, it was a nope.
So while it wasn't something that worked for your mom with you, doesn't mean it's impossible.
Where did I say it was impossible? Oh yeah I didn't!
OP, I've just returned to work last week from my maternity leave. I'm breastfeeding and I handle all the night time feedings while I was out on my leave and also now that I'm back to work.
My opinion, if she's up anyway to pump at night, she should handle the feedings. And once her supply has regulate, she might be able to drop the pumping session at night.
Our rough schedule right now:
- 7:30PM: Bath time. Follow by last feeding
- 9PM: Baby sleep in his crib and I try to go to sleep not long after that (but usually I sleep around 10- 11PM)
- 1 to 2 AM: Breastfeed baby. I used to pump AFTER I fed him (his longest stretch of sleep so I felt the most full at this time), but stopped doing that once I'm back at work and am able to pump enough at work.
- 4AM: Breastfeed baby. He's dropped this feeding the past few of days (YES!). Hopefully it'll continue.
- 6AM: I wake up, get in the shower, prepare my oldest son breakfast and pack his lunch.
- 7:30AM: Breastfeed baby
Says who? So, the fact that I am a sahm, that makes me the default toilet cleaner? How are those two things even related? I am a sahm and my husband works. We both take care of different things around the house based on our strengths and weaknesses and not who works out of or in the home. So, please tell me, in your opinion, what should be his home obligations?
The point is that Mom shouldn't expect Dad to work 40 hours, 20 hours commute, do all the household chores and do all the night feedings. That's not sharing the responsibility that's dad pulling more then his fair share. Should he help her yes, should he be expected to do it all no. Sorry part of being a SAHM is household chores. If she is home all day why on earth would she not be able to do a load of laundry and cook a simple meal, unless her health doesn't allow it. I would never have asked my husband to do laundry, cook and clean after being gone for 14 hours a day. Why should they both be sleep deprived if mom is going to wake up and pump, why can't she wake up and feed the baby instead. Let Dad take over on Friday and Saturday nights and mom sleep through. More to this story then just night feedings.
I never napped when my babies did. I still say Sunday through Thursday OP's wife does all night feedings. He can help out in other ways during the week and give her a break on the weekends.
Why does it have to be all or nothing? Dad said bed time for all is 11 pm, and he gets up at 5:30 for work. Why should mom do both the 11 and 5 feedings when he'll be up within a half hour of that time anyway?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts
Clearly all babies are not the same. Never said that they were all the same.
Where did I say it was impossible? Oh yeah I didn't!
I get it. You were just sharing your experience. My first wasn't as bad as you, but he had sleeping and feeding issues from day 1. I, too, laugh when someone says sleep when the baby sleeps.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 04-26-2017 at 02:30 PM..
Says who? So, the fact that I am a sahm, that makes me the default toilet cleaner? How are those two things even related? I am a sahm and my husband works. We both take care of different things around the house based on our strengths and weaknesses and not who works out of or in the home. So, please tell me, in your opinion, what should be his home obligations?
Every couple has to work out these things themselves. However, it makes sense that the person who is home more, does more things at home. If you're away from home 12 hours a day, as my husband is, you can't be cooking or cleaning during those hours. It doesn't mean one person does everything; it does usually mean that the at-home person does more at-home things.
I have three kids. I know how babies and little children suck your time and energy. Still, I could put the baby in a carrier and the toddler on a chair next to me and make some dinner. I could put them both in the stroller and walk over to the grocery store. We could sing songs or watch TV while I folded laundry. My husband couldn't do any of those things because he wasn't home! It seemed unfair for me to wait until he got home at 6 pm and say "Will you please make dinner right away, oh, and I'm out of underwear, so will you do some laundry, and by the way, the toilets need cleaning."
We did divide some of the chores. Some waited for the weekend when he was home, and others got put off more than they should have. But for the most part, routine, daily household tasks were done by me.
Since she is at home, why even bother with the extra work of pumping milk and cleaning/sterilizing bottles? I realize breastfeeding takes a very long time, but at least she can put her feet up and close her eyes while doing it. Whereas when you short your sleep to give a bottle, you have to really pay attention to how you're holding the bottle.
There is another reason not to pump if you don't really need to. The nipple takes in biological signals from the baby's mouth and changes the milk composition to what the baby needs that day. A bottle eliminates this biological feedback.
EXCERPT: "According to Hinde, when a baby suckles at its mother's breast, a vacuum is created. Within that vacuum, the infant's saliva is sucked back into the mother's nipple, where receptors in her mammary gland read its signals. This "baby spit backwash," as she delightfully describes it, contains information about the baby's immune status. Everything scientists know about physiology indicates that baby spit backwash is one of the ways that breast milk adjusts its immunological composition. If the mammary gland receptors detect the presence of pathogens, they compel the mother's body to produce antibodies to fight it, and those antibodies travel through breast milk back into the baby's body, where they target the infection."
Also, you need your sleep for work the next day. She can take a nap. I know it can be harder for the mother of an infant to take a nap than it seems, but at least it's a possibility. She does need a break though. You should probably concentrate on giving her a break between the time you get home and the time you go to bed.
I know there's lots of superwomen here, but we both did the night feedings. I had (and still have) a sleep disorder, so no I couldn't just go from awake to REM sleep in a matter of minutes only to be woken an hour - or maybe two if I'm lucky - later. I never napped when the baby rested. My first child was very high needs and didn't nap often. I was delirious with exhaustion. My job in a law office was far easier than her. Again, I'm not one of those people who goes to sleep at the drop of a hat. My husband, however, is, so he readily agreed to handle the 2 am feeding because he could easily go back to sleep and be up at 6:30. We all went to bed at around 11. I'll reiterate I'm no superwoman. When I returned to work and also earned a wage, I needed my sleep too. We just juggled. And that's what you do OP, you juggle, whether you are the one doing the working or not. If she has sleep issues (that can possibly affect how she interacts with your child), I feel it's best if you work something out so that she gets the sleep that she needs. Maybe you stagger your bedtimes or something.
FWIW, Im a working mom, and breastfed both of my daughters for over two years.
I know there's lots of superwomen here, but we both did the night feedings. I had (and still have) a sleep disorder, so no I couldn't just go from awake to REM sleep in a matter of minutes only to be woken an hour - or maybe two if I'm lucky - later. I never napped when the baby rested. My first child was very high needs and didn't nap often. I was delirious with exhaustion. My job in a law office was far easier than her. Again, I'm not one of those people who goes to sleep at the drop of a hat. My husband, however, is, so he readily agreed to handle the 2 am feeding because he could easily go back to sleep and be up at 6:30. We all went to bed at around 11. I'll reiterate I'm no superwoman. When I returned to work and also earned a wage, I needed my sleep too. We just juggled. And that's what you do OP, you juggle, whether you are the one doing the working or not. If she has sleep issues (that can possibly affect how she interacts with your child), I feel it's best if you work something out so that she gets the sleep that she needs. Maybe you stagger your bedtimes or something.
FWIW, Im a working mom, and breastfed both of my daughters for over two years.
The point is that Mom shouldn't expect Dad to work 40 hours, 20 hours commute, do all the household chores and do all the night feedings. That's not sharing the responsibility that's dad pulling more then his fair share. Should he help her yes, should he be expected to do it all no. Sorry part of being a SAHM is household chores. If she is home all day why on earth would she not be able to do a load of laundry and cook a simple meal, unless her health doesn't allow it. I would never have asked my husband to do laundry, cook and clean after being gone for 14 hours a day. Why should they both be sleep deprived if mom is going to wake up and pump, why can't she wake up and feed the baby instead. Let Dad take over on Friday and Saturday nights and mom sleep through. More to this story then just night feedings.
Since she is at home, why even bother with the extra work of pumping milk and cleaning/sterilizing bottles? I realize breastfeeding takes a very long time, but at least she can put her feet up and close her eyes while doing it. Whereas when you short your sleep to give a bottle, you have to really pay attention to how you're holding the bottle.
There is another reason not to pump if you don't really need to. The nipple takes in biological signals from the baby's mouth and changes the milk composition to what the baby needs that day. A bottle eliminates this biological feedback.
EXCERPT: "According to Hinde, when a baby suckles at its mother's breast, a vacuum is created. Within that vacuum, the infant's saliva is sucked back into the mother's nipple, where receptors in her mammary gland read its signals. This "baby spit backwash," as she delightfully describes it, contains information about the baby's immune status. Everything scientists know about physiology indicates that baby spit backwash is one of the ways that breast milk adjusts its immunological composition. If the mammary gland receptors detect the presence of pathogens, they compel the mother's body to produce antibodies to fight it, and those antibodies travel through breast milk back into the baby's body, where they target the infection."
Also, you need your sleep for work the next day. She can take a nap. I know it can be harder for the mother of an infant to take a nap than it seems, but at least it's a possibility. She does need a break though. You should probably concentrate on giving her a break between the time you get home and the time you go to bed.
I've exclusively pumped and fed from the breast. Both worked out well, with no difference with either child's development. Feeding from a bottle was no big deal. The bottles were low flow. I got no dreamy feeling - at all - while breastfeeding.
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Never said that they were all the same. 
