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What you are describing sounds more like courting then dating.
Aren't they the same thing?
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I personally don't think a 16-18 year old is ready to settle down and get married.
What I said was "potentially", as in they understand what they're doing and are ready for that option when it comes up. I'm not implying 16-18 is old enough to settle down and get married, just that by that age they can understand the ramifications and are ready to make that decision a few years down the road when the relationship progresses that far.
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At 18 it wouldn't be up to you to allow anything, at 18 they are free to make their own decisions right or wrong.
That is true.
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Originally Posted by CarnivalGal
If they want to date, they're going to do it. Either with their parents' knowledge or behind their backs. I'd rather it not be behind my back. Same goes for sex. I agree that 14 is probably too young, but parents need to be realistic and not just think they're not going to do it because they said so. 14 year olds have been having sex since the beginning of time. It's nothing new
That's why a clear explanation should be provided from the parent to the child as to what is right and wrong, and why. I know 14 yos doing stuff isn't anything new, but people that age currently (in 2017 in a developed country) are not mentally or socially ready to do that or possibly have it result in a pregnancy.
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Originally Posted by ncole1
This is incredibly prejudiced against young people. Just as adults are different from each other, so are youth. You should not ASSUME that the worst possible outcome is going to occur and treat the pair like they are in a military boot camp.
It's not about treating kids like they're in a military boot camp, and home life shouldn't be like that for anybody. It's about instilling values into your children and hoping they turn out right, not 25 years old and having 5 kids with as many different people.
Threads like this one make me happy I (male) didn't date in high school. Which I felt bad about at the time and for some years after. But now I'm glad! I can only imagine my date's overprotective father (or mother) acting like Jack from "Meet the Parents". Since I was shy and unassertive during my teens, I'd probably cave into not seeing their daughter, anyway. My own parents would probably be less zealous, for obvious reasons, but their strict rules and curfews would have made dating impossible.
By the time I went on my first real date, I was in college, where parental supervision was a non-issue. And sex? My first time was in Macomb, IL, at a college party 250 miles away. With someone I met that night. Then a 40-something woman flirted with me during the Amtrak ride home, and even bought me a beer. After I told her I was 20. Good times!
I can't believe how many people on this thread are underestimating the maturity and ability of a 14 year old. They're not in elementary school anymore. I didn't turn 15 until I was a sophomore in high school. Why shouldn't they start exploring dating?
I'd have "the talk" with her and get her started on birth control, just because.
No closed doors and no hiding under blankets. Other than that, you have to keep an open dialog and trust your daughter.
What I said was "potentially", as in they understand what they're doing and are ready for that option when it comes up. I'm not implying 16-18 is old enough to settle down and get married, just that by that age they can understand the ramifications and are ready to make that decision a few years down the road when the relationship progresses that far.
That is true.
That's why a clear explanation should be provided from the parent to the child as to what is right and wrong, and why. I know 14 yos doing stuff isn't anything new, but people that age currently (in 2017 in a developed country) are not mentally or socially ready to do that or possibly have it result in a pregnancy.
It's not about treating kids like they're in a military boot camp, and home life shouldn't be like that for anybody. It's about instilling values into your children and hoping they turn out right, not 25 years old and having 5 kids with as many different people.
When they were in high school (and one still is) I did not allow them (son or daughters) to be alone in a bedroom without the door open (not wide open but open enough to discourage stuff - "canoodling," as my daughter says.)
I do not allow my 15 year old to go to places with a male friend or boyfriend where she will be the only girl.
Make your presence in her life known to him. Don't be overbearing, but make it clear by talking to him, by always saying hello, by expecting them to stop and talk to you a moment before they head out or off to her room that you are an active part of her life.
If possible, meet his parents and tell them that you don't want them at their place alone and your "bedroom door open" policy.
Both my girls on a BC because of painful periods for several years now. One is in college now, she may or may not be sexually active. The 15 year old is not. In other words, putting her on BC won't make her sexually active.
All my kids had the HPV series in their early teens. Again, it didn't make them sexually active and they didn't see the point in having them until they were, but the series takes 6 months and the decision to have sex takes all of about a second so that's how that went.
Why would a 14 year old have to be thinking about marriage? Dating in high school can be an innocent exploring of budding interest in the opposite sex. It's not a business transaction.
You can't watch them 24 hours a day, so it's best to have a realistic talk with your daughter about sex and birth control. If if were my daughter, I'd ask if she wanted to start birth control, not because I was encouraging her to have sex (I wouldn't be encouraging her at all) but because I want her to be protected.
Exactly. You can make all the rules you want, but if they want to have sex, they'll have sex whatever your rules are. Talk to her and make sure she's protected against unwanted pregnancy and disease in the event they do have sex, and to the best of your ability, try to protect her emotionally as well and let her know that she can talk to you about anything she wants - even if she breaks your rules, you are still there to love and support her.
Be honest with her about sex and birth control. Quite frankly, these are things you should have been talking to ALL of your children about years ago. Keep the lines of communication OPEN!
For us, no one of the opposite sex in the bedrooms. No friends over unless at least one adult is in the house. No making out. Etc. You need to figure out what kind of rules you want for your children and this should have been discussed ages ago. At 14, this isn't young to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Every person is different.
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