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I realize that almost everyone loves their children more than anything else.
However, if you could do it over, would you still have your kids?
Absolutely - even though some things did not turn out well. I would never have wished it any other way.
Is parenthood what you thought it would be?
Pretty much and more - I never knew the kind of love I would receive (as well as give, but I knew I could give). At times it was more difficult than I thought it would be but I really didn't think about it when I was going through difficult times. I just thought "you deal with it."
Did having children bond you and your spouse, or put a wedge between you both on a sexual and emotional level?
We didn't always agree on how to raise them, but it didn't separate us as a couple.
Do you feel disappointed by your children? Did they turn out how you hoped?
I wanted/want them to be happy is all. Sometimes they disappointed me - not in their goals or achievements or way of life - but in more personal ways.
One thing that amazes me: We do things for our kids that we absolutely do not feel like doing just out of love alone. That can't be bad
Honesty appreciated! : )[/quote]
Curiously interesting statement. YOUR gift...YOUR gift....... YOUR gift...... from God? Gift? From God?????
It wasn't a gift, you planned it. You controlled it, through sexual intercourse, which is how babies are created. So, it's not a gift - it wasn't given to you, you did it!!!!!!!
OH YEA!!!!
I doubt you have kids. I'm not a religious person, but seeing your baby born is nothing short of a miracle. That you have the ability to bring life into the world. It's mind-boggling when you experience it.
Just in general, I do think it is quite arrogant to presume that what works in your life, will work for others. I think we should all make decisions on how to live our life, without trying to discredit the choices others make, all for our own reasons.
I would never blame someone for not having children. But i will say that they can never know how it is to have children and how they would feel when they had them. You can't miss what you don't know.
I doubt you have kids. I'm not a religious person, but seeing your baby born is nothing short of a miracle. That you have the ability to bring life into the world. It's mind-boggling when you experience it.
It's also amazing to think how a human being comes to be.. I mean if you ever watch those films about sperm and egg and all that.. it's like amazing how you even get to be pregnant.. and THEN that baby grows inside you.
I LOVED feelign him move inside me.. I remember at about the same times every day my son would get the hiccups ( I loved it becasue I knew he was okay in there..LOL) and it would just make me smile. Then, when he was born and was sleeping in his bassinet in the hospital next to my bed adn I was just staring at him.. he started to hiccup for the first time since being born.. and I though.. AWW.. that's what he looked like when he was hiccuping inside me. It was SO awesome!!
You can't help but feel blessed by a higher power when you have your little angels!! So pure, so sweet, so innocent. And when your toddler gives you that look of unconditional love (like when you pick them up from daycare and they drop everything because they are happy to see you) it just fills you up .. and THAT is such a gift!
I don't think she's brave to say what she has. I think she's rather cruel. I completely understand the choice of NOT having children and think to each their own because only the individual know their goals and dreams in life. But, this woman already has children. I can also understand a woman or man confiding in a close friend that their child is driving them crazy or they wish they had never had children. But, when you make the choice to become a parent (and it is a choice) then you should suck it up and deal even if things are not all sunshine and roses. I feel for her children because the actions of our parents shape our lives, sometimes on a subconscious level. To feel unloved and unwanted damages an individual emotionally and follows that child into adulthood. She writes, “Children are there to stop you enjoying yourself. It’s a child’s hidden face. Believe me, he will be very inventive in this area. He will be ill when you (finally) arrange a night out, he will bug you when you celebrate your birthday with your friends, he will hate it if you bring someone he’s never met back for the night, and beyond that you won’t dare tread for fear of traumatising him for life.”
I find that extremely distasteful.
Would people who didn't want kids abandon a sick husband or parent because it stops them from enjoying themselves? I doubt it. Not having kids doesn't absolve you of life's problems. It brings great joy WITH life's problems.
I'm not going to slam you, but I think that the concept of women being the nurterers is one of habit, I don't think there is a biological/chemical nurturing gene. In other animals, the baby is born from the mother, but raised by the father (penguins??). I think it's just sort of worked out that way.
Is that why I have premonitions that are never wrong when it comes to my children? I'll call them and find out I was right. You can take a survey. The majority of women have a biological bond with a child that a man can never have, i.e. a miscarriage never rarely, if ever, affects the husband the way it does the wife.
I was just reading a news article on French psychiatrist and author Corinne Maier, who has written a best selling book called No Kids - 40 Reasons Not To Have Children.
In her book she states that she regrets having her 2 kids and encourages women not to have children.
I know this sounds pretty extreme, but I suspect that there are a lot more people who feel this way than one might think. For example I know that my Mother loves me more than anyone or anything else, but her life would have been much easier without me (nothing I did, outside forces). I know she doesn't 'regret' having me for a second, but I suspect that if she knew then what she knows now, she may have chosen to remain childless although she would never say so.
My husband and I are unsure about having kids. My husband leans slightly towards 'no', but says he may be open to kids in the future. I lean slightly towards 'yes', but not sure how much of that is biological clock and a selfish desire for the 'perfect family', and how much is genuine desire to have and raise a child.
I realize that almost everyone loves their children more than anything else.
However, if you could do it over, would you still have your kids?
Is parenthood what you thought it would be?
Did having children bond you and your spouse, or put a wedge between you both on a sexual and emotional level?
Do you feel disappointed by your children? Did they turn out how you hoped?
Have you made a choice not to have kids and feel that you will never change your mind?
Honesty appreciated! : )
Wow, a lot of questions here. I think the answer is different for so many. We all have different personalities. But, here are my answers......
I adored being a mother from the second I held my first daughter in my arms.
It felt wonderful. I felt wonderful........just a miracle of God.
When my second and third daughters came along, nothing changed.......I felt like God gave me these precious wonderful gifts. I loved having them on my hip as I cooked or walked in the yard.......
Taking them to Disneyworld and seeing how excited they were to be there with Mickey.......
Now that they are grown.....they still are my gifts. I love to hear their voices. I love to be with them, and be a good listener and to laugh and have fun. To make them chicken soup when they are sick.
I'm away right now, and one just called to ask me how " I make my soup"
Yes, they turned out how I hoped, but.......more importantly they made good choices and they are happy with their lives. That makes me happy.
Then again, I was happy with good grades, they didn't have to be over achievers.......
Life to me is more fun with children. The holidays are so full of laughter, and wide-eyed enjoyment. Teaching a child to walk, ride a bike, swim......priceless. Watching them learn to read and write......seeing them explore the world......just great. Rolling out cookie dough and seeing how they cut and decorate. Having one buy you a " 10cent" ring from the school store and "hope you like it".......is a goosebump moment.
My life would be so boring without them.
Then again, child rearing is hard work, sleepless nights, anxious moments, expensive, time demanding.......Weddings, college, clothes, books, activities are very expensive.
You have to be somewhat selfless.......giving, giving, giving.
It is not for everyone........but..........I'd do it all over again, and again......
They made my life totally complete.
[quote=Lindsey_Mcfarren;3166464]But the reality is that children are a HUGE burden, if not tne your not doing it right. Its not a burden I resent but its just not realistic to pretend they aren't.
It was not hardwired into 5 out 6 kids in my family. We were all fixed at early ages.
Ask that of kids who have been abused, or beaten to death by their parents.
This statement holds no water.
I chose not to have kids for several reasons: I don’t particularly care for them, I’m too impatient and I want to travel. I’ve lived on 3 continents in the past decade. I enjoy my freedom.
Duh, friends. We childfree people make our own very fulfilling lives. We just do it without children. I buy gifts for whomever I choose; why would these things matter to you unless you were questioning your own decisions.
Or which ones will be couch potatoes, the probably outcome.
Let’s face it, most kids aren’t special except to their parents.
We are animals. From Merriam-Webster: Breed-1: to produce (offspring) by hatching or gestation. Is this not accurate?
I am who I am because of my experiences and education.
Well, I'm glad society as a whole doesn't reflect your siblings, as society would soon collapse.
"ask that of kids......no water" Great argument. Yes, just because someone was abused as a child doesnt mean they should never have born. That is a very disturbing outlook. So life must be trouble-free to exist? I think the world said hell no to that philophy in the 1940s.....
Duh, friends. We childfree people make our own very fulfilling lives. We just do it without children. I buy gifts for whomever I choose; why would these things matter to you unless you were questioning your own decisions.
I have friends too that I love, but I will never love them half as much as I love my kids. I doubt I would take a bullet for my friends.
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. Yes, just because someone was abused as a child doesnt mean they should never have born. That is a very disturbing outlook. So life must be trouble-free to exist? I think the world said hell no to that philophy in the 1940s.....