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If the kid enjoys it and ifthe parents can afford it, maybe that's all the justification needed.
Those are two big "ifs." Again, I don't care how they spend their money. If you're making $600K a year then spending $40K on kindergarten tuition is a fine decision. And if you're really sacrificing because you know that your kid needs the benefits a private school would provide, that's fine too. But if you're doing it because you think that not doing so is going to hamstring your kid's chances of getting into Harvard in 12 years, it deserves more scrutiny.
What I'm getting at, is that people rationalize some decisions, using an absolute, worst-case scenario end result, that has a questionable correlation/causational relationship in the first place. I see it with child rearing more than anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomparent
The above is simply an example of oversharing. It's not a childrearing issue. Sometimes I think we all need to learn how to just shut up. Nobody really needs or wants the details.
Adult fun would be going to the beach, laying around, taking a nap, strolling hand in hand, spending a lovely evening having a quiet dinner, followed by some adult beverages. Possibly taking in a great performance of a locally produced play or musical.
All the things that are impossible with a 5 year old in tow. My pity runs deep. Lol
No, I don't have kids because the investment of my life is not worth the payoff. A sentiment shared by more and more people, I'm discovering....especially men. And more women like myself as well.
As an adult, I can have fun doing just about anything. So yes, I can have fun with a 5 year old in tow. I can have fun at Disneyland, or what not. I go to trampoline parks with my friend and her kids, paint gun, all that stuff.
Fun is not dictated by the activity, but of the mind set.
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The disdain that some of the childless have for children is a pretty good indicator that your parents didn't actually do such a great job with you...it shows a lack of the development of empathy and other social constructs.
Parents now know that acknowledging that children are human beings that need to be led to adulthood by example, who need to be seen and heard, leads to a better balance of adult time and family time. This leads to better, more empathetic adults. Personally I enjoy doing things with my children and watching them explore and enjoy life. We go on adult only vacations but we chat with them about plans for family vacations. It's about a balance. My parents were like this, I guess they were ahead of their time. They raised adults who are self sufficient, empathetic, and kind.
A lot of people look back at the way they were raised and decide to do things differently with their own kids. For example, they remember how it felt to be a kid with no power, no say in anything, always having to do what someone else wants to do.
This. Granted, I will admit to my husband and I overcompensating from time to time, but damn it, we’re human! Arm-chair quarterbacks are so unnecessarily hard on parents, who are learning as they go and are just trying to do their best. Nothing prepares you for a “job” that is constantly changing and whose stakes are so high.
Tl, dr. Since every kid and every stage brings new challenges, our one constant philosophy is this: Treat them like they are people.
As an adult, I can have fun doing just about anything. So yes, I can have fun with a 5 year old in tow. I can have fun at Disneyland, or what not. I go to trampoline parks with my friend and her kids, paint gun, all that stuff.
Fun is not dictated by the activity, but of the mind set.
A lot of people look back at the way they were raised and decide to do things differently with their own kids. For example, they remember how it felt to be a kid with no power, no say in anything, always having to do what someone else wants to do.
...
Some parents go to the opposite extreme and let the child choose everything. That's not a great idea. But I do think many parents are just trying to be sensitive to what their child would like AS WELL AS what they themselves want.
The best part of being an adult is actually being able to do whatever you want and answer to no one. (Within law and reason, obviously.) If you let a child run the house and indulge a child's every whim, as today's parents usually do (which is where the disdain may be coming from), he/she won't appreciate the freedoms of adulthood when he/she grows up.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 12-04-2018 at 01:35 PM..
The best part of being an adult is actually being able to do whatever you want and answer to no one. (Within law and reason, obviously.) If you let a child run the house and indulge a child's every whim, as today's parents usually do (which is where the disdain may be coming from), he/she won't appreciate the freedoms of adulthood when he/she grows up.
I think the point is that while some parents might be like this, the majority actually are not. Deciding where to go on vacation based on the development level of your child is not "indulging his every whim." Neither is deciding to spend the weekends on the soccer field rooting on your kid's team or being the Boy Scouts leader or whatever. Good parents generally want to spend time with their children doing things that their children enjoy doing, not leaving them home with sitters all the time or dragging them along to activities that would only appeal to the adults.
It might look like indulgence to those without children because they do not have anything comparable in their lives. I can imagine that it must look really strange to see someone not going out for drinks or to nice restaurants every Friday night because they would prefer to spend that time watching movies with their littles if the onlooker has no children and can't imagine wanting to hang out with a bunch of cranky toddlers instead of being with their friends. It's a totally different perspective.
I do not have any children nor have I raised children. All I did was feed and diaper my siblings.
My mom had me ironing sheets and shirts, doing dishes, cleaning house by age 10. I was out of the house by 17 and as far away from it as I good get.
It bothers me that nieces and nephews in their mid and late 20s live at home and have not been taught nor expected to do simple household things like dishes, cleaning, laundry, make beds an so on. After big family dinners they are the ones who should be clearing and doing dishes and cleaning up after family leaves. They don't even get it or show any initiative. But for me to saying anything to my siblings would be a fate worse than death. Its too late now anyway.
I've walked into various family dynamics. Raised by a single mom....then over to my grandparents (seen not heard), then into three different foster homes. Each one carried strengths and some flaws. The one I thrived in was the first foster home. I was 13 and they were in mid 30's ...still fresh in understanding teens and open to conversing. They believed that each human at the table had a voice. Respecting and disciplined in chat ....there was two little ones that also chimed in. None of us came off as all powerful. ..we each developed our individuality ..while seeking common goals. Be it where did we each want to go on vacation....to: how can we support Beth in her grades improving? Yes...it's unconventional when I read some of the tales of parenting. Demand, subject and humiliate. That was how another 'family' chose to dictate....
I mentor teens and it's a mixed bag of personalities and home environments. While I have little influence...I do have that seed to plant. Some of em take hold and flourish...others struggle with peer pressure or even finding a civil voice.
Just as some adults are best suited to be independent and childless...some kids deserve to have a voice and some choices...
I repped you. This made me smile. It's good to hear some people do it right.
I do like this comment that someone posted : I will say that the one thing I find interesting is that no parents admit to letting their kids rule the roost or run wild. Everyone thinks they're raising respectful, well-adjusted kids and every parent says their kids aren't allowed to misbehave in public. It seems a lot of parents are lying or don't recognize themselves for what kind of parents they are - or aren't.
Yes there are some parents that let kids run the house and others are strick and they run the household. Yes I think its great that the one person spends the day off with their child and do things. I also think that they should spend time with friends as well. You just can't ditch your friends/family because you have kids. I would think people could plan better and schedule something so you can do things with and with out your kids? I would hate just because I'm having kids I ditch friends/everyone because I”m busy every day. The husband could stay home and watch the kids when I need to do something and the other way around. Babysitters are a option as well. It seems now a days that is the most absurd thing to suggest. Some people I know can never find anyone and its the hardest things in the world. Also what is with the kids that can only eat pizza and peanut butter and jelly? They are like that because the parents won't say no or the parents try to give them other food and they are hungry so the kids has to eat something aka Pizza or peanut butter jelly. So when pretty much when this parent brings these kids over to people's houses the kids over run the parents. I'm sorry but to me that is crazy.
But yes I'm excited because next year me and husband are going to have twins. So yes when they get older I do want to take them to Disney World. I do want to take them on family trips. I also want to take trips with just my husband which we are in the process of planning for when they twins are just 1 ½ years old(found a sitter already for that). Hopefully I can be a stay home parent and be there more for them. My husband and I want to play with them and teach them everything. We want to be really involved with our kids but we want to make time for other people as well. We are in the process for looking for baby sitters for random nights out and for over night trips as well.
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