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My mom usually does one big gift per person, some clothes, perfume/cologne, slippers, pajamas and some medium size gifts like video games. I wouldn’t say it exceeds more than 10 gifts a person and they’re not expensive gifts.
A lot my mom gets on sale and a lot of it is cheaper things like body washes, lotion, shirts that were on sale and wrapped individually.
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Originally Posted by txtqueen
With it being the holidays my mom has been calling me more often trying to get ideas from me for various family members so she can get her shopping done.
She tells me during one of our calls the other day that she’s going to wrap some gifts together so it doesn’t look like she bought as much as she did and then went into how my grandmother told her last year that it looked like an excessive amount under the tree.
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To me it sounds a bit excessive. I think finding one perfect gift for someone is more difficult than buying a bunch of "stuff".
Many years ago I was the one that suggested to extended family that we forego the gift giving and just enjoy the time spent together. Everyone loved the suggestion and it has worked well. For us, as we entered adulthood, it is not the importance of a material gift as much as the importance of the gift of time spend together.
If I recall, your grandmother financially supports your mother so I can understand her frustration. I think once everyone is adults it's reasonable to dial things down.
With it being the holidays my mom has been calling me more often trying to get ideas from me for various family members so she can get her shopping done.
She tells me during one of our calls the other day that she’s going to wrap some gifts together so it doesn’t look like she bought as much as she did and then went into how my grandmother told her last year that it looked like an excessive amount under the tree.
As unbiased as possible I want to say my grandmother is a little dramatic when she calls it “excessive”.
My grandmother came from a time where pajamas and a book or a small toy was Christmas and when my mom was a child she got more than that but less than us.
My mom usually does one big gift per person, some clothes, perfume/cologne, slippers, pajamas and some medium size gifts like video games. I wouldn’t say it exceeds more than 10 gifts a person and they’re not expensive gifts.
A lot my mom gets on sale and a lot of it is cheaper things like body washes, lotion, shirts that were on sale and wrapped individually.
We get everyone a couple gifts every year within our budget, we get things we can afford but gifts none the less, so it’s definately not one sided.
I think my grandmother just looks at it and makes judgements without thinking sometimes. Which is understandable at her age I just don’t want any fighting at Christmas, she’s 80 not stupid, I’m sure she’d see right around my moms packing methods.
It’s going to vary so much between families as to be meaningless.
In my family 10 gifts would be way beyond excessive. Or go to is something to wear, something to read, something to play with. The play with something might be more expensive like a video game console, but even then it was a group gift. This year my daughter is getting a signed book from her fav author, new Welles, and AirPods. My brother got a boxed set of the lord of the rings, homemade scarf and a build your own desktop catapult. Sister got some gre book, T-shirt she wanted and a plane ticket to San Diego for comic con (that’s playing right?). I don’t know that we spend significantly less (tho the plane ticket was a steal) but Christmas isn’t really a big thing out our house.
I forgot to add that ever since a college part time gig working at a toy store I have been adamant about not giving anything major from Santa. For the brief period Santa was a thing at our house he gave a smallish toy, and only one. Too many kids go to school bragging about whatever $500 gift Santa got them, and the poor kids are left assuming they were bad. I learned this from a mom who specifically asked that only one of the gifts she bought be in the store “Santa” paper and the rest be labeled mom and dad. We did it too.
My best friend and her sister would buy their children a slew of presents for Christmas but most were inexpensive items. I always questioned why not get them a few nice gifts and not all this cr#p. Their reply was that the kids just liked opening a lot of presents and did not even care that much about the present or they would soon lose interest in a toy anyway and go on to the next one so why buy an expensive toy. After opening presents, the living room would be a disaster with wrapping paper and boxes. I suspected that it was actually the parents who enjoyed seeing the children open all these presents that prompted them buying so much. And my friends complained bitterly about the shopping and having to do so much wrapping but I had no sympathy for them.
If you notice your children becoming spoiled, it's too much (although this also means there are other factors at play because stuff alone does not spoil children).
I come from a family that really does go a bit crazy during the holidays, so I know that my children get more gifts than is necessary. I set a limit for the number of gifts, which is easier as they get older and no longer play with toys.
10 gifts per person is excessive IMO. It is excessive for kids, and especially excessive for adult. Most of what you listed sounds pretty generic. I doubt anyone would miss it if she didn't give all that.
We never had a 3 gift rule or anything like that, but I don't believe in buying just for the sake of buying. My kids are teens now. They'll get clothing they want and need, and something bigger that they want. My in-laws have a hard and fast amount that they spend on each kid, and they will spend it on random stuff no one wants or needs just to get up to that dollar amount. Drives my nuts.
A lot of what I listed are things I use frequently so I wouldn’t say they’d be missed.
I only ask for things I know I’ll use.
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Originally Posted by K12144
It seems a lot to me, but if it works for all involved, so what? Can your mom afford the gifts? Are they appreciated by the recipients and not a burden (like, giving them a bunch of stuff they don't like and don't have room to store)? Then why not? I understand your grandmother's view, but does she say exactly what she has against it? Too much money spent, the recipients owning too much "stuff," feels recipients are being spoiled?
She didn’t grow up that way. She feels that it’s excessive and that Christmas in general should be fewer presents.
Neither my brother and I act spoiled and a lot of what we have we pay for ourselves so I don’t think she’s worried about that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
If I recall, your grandmother financially supports your mother so I can understand her frustration. I think once everyone is adults it's reasonable to dial things down.
My grandfather passed away in the spring so that alleviated the financial burden on my grandmother.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraceKrispy
Just another example of differences in perceptions- my kid is getting a video game and that's his BIG gift- I think video games are expensive!
I have no idea what our big gifts are for Christmas.
I know DB is also getting a video game from my mom as well as his big gift and some clothes and cologne.
I’m getting clothes, perfume and I’m going blonde.
DBs mom got him another video game and she got me a hoodie.
There’s a few smaller gifts I have no clue what they are. The only reason I know about the clothes and perfume is she had me pick them out because she...after 29 years...still doesn’t know me. 🙄🙄
A lot of it is stuff I need like the clothes is the largest part. I think I got more clothes than anything and it’s because I just don’t have anything right now.
The pajamas, slippers and lotion has always been a tradition too. Just like an orange in the stocking. Anyone else’s family do that?
If you notice your children becoming spoiled, it's too much (although this also means there are other factors at play because stuff alone does not spoil children).
I come from a family that really does go a bit crazy during the holidays, so I know that my children get more gifts than is necessary. I set a limit for the number of gifts, which is easier as they get older and no longer play with toys.
I know for instance my mom got me 4 cheap shirts on sale from Target and will probably wrap them individually so it makes me feel like I got more.
A lot of what I listed are things I use frequently so I wouldn’t say they’d be missed.
I only ask for things I know I’ll use.
She didn’t grow up that way. She feels that it’s excessive and that Christmas in general should be fewer presents.
Neither my brother and I act spoiled and a lot of what we have we pay for ourselves so I don’t think she’s worried about that.
My grandfather passed away in the spring so that alleviated the financial burden on my grandmother.
I have no idea what our big gifts are for Christmas.
I know DB is also getting a video game from my mom as well as his big gift and some clothes and cologne.
I’m getting clothes, perfume and I’m going blonde.
DBs mom got him another video game and she got me a hoodie.
There’s a few smaller gifts I have no clue what they are. The only reason I know about the clothes and perfume is she had me pick them out because she...after 29 years...still doesn’t know me. ����
A lot of it is stuff I need like the clothes is the largest part. I think I got more clothes than anything and it’s because I just don’t have anything right now.
The pajamas, slippers and lotion has always been a tradition too. Just like an orange in the stocking. Anyone else’s family do that?
But your mother does not work or otherwise support herself and never has. She is still spending your grandmother's money. If she wants to spend without judgment from your grandmother she needs to get a job.
But your mother does not work or otherwise support herself and never has. She is still spending your grandmother's money. If she wants to spend without judgment from your grandmother she needs to get a job.
Well then, she needs to put up with whatever limits or judgement your grandmother dishes out in exchange for her credit card. *shrugs*
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